coachbri I am in a difficult place full of anxiety, I can’t seem to get my mind out of this negative thought process can you help?

January 27, 2014

 

When you see that your mind is fragmented and it is always looking for new angles and new things to think up, your mind will continue to be out-of-control. You yourself must take full responsibility for your own internal life. What is the difference to be preoccupied with one problem of sex or another problem of whether you love Your girlfriend or whether you want to your sport  or thinking you’re a turnup. The whole futility of existence is created by thinking, thought moving in any direction is pointless and self-centered but it is the only thing that thought knows to do. This is the prison in which you are caught. The only way out of the prison is to see that trying to get out of the prison is the problem. To understand that you are the maker of the prison in which you yourself are caught is awareness that awareness is the ending of the prison. Most people believe they are their thinking process they identify who they are with their thoughts. Obviously you are not your thinking process just because you think you are Wayne Gretzky that doesn’t make you Wayne Gretzky. Thinking is always cunning and clever.  If I told you to stop thinking about pink elephants right away the only thing you would be thinking about is pink elephants. Thinking has it’s place only in technological matters and solving technological problems. The fact that thought is always chattering shows us that we have no space inside ourselves to understand ourselves and  in a confused state. Thought has built the prison of it’s own making called the self. That self is the accumulation of experience memory and knowledge stored in the brain that is always active and moving. Whenever one pays full attention to the thinking process without trying to change thinking slows down and will stop. Please do not take my word for it, try it and sees what happens. In the observation of thought, thought stops! To listen profoundly to what thought is doing and at the same time be aware of what is happening outside of you is the beginning of meditation. That meditation is the actuality of being present to what is happening within and without. You cannot practice this because any practice of this is just an action of thought to keep itself active, and the root to all of our problems. The art of awareness is to constantly be attentive to the fact that you are not aware, so that every thought as it arises is seen for what it is it’s origin it’s flowering and conclusion. Only when is the brain quiet so that the mind can act. That mind is not a personal mind, that mine is universal uncontaminated by the thinking process available to everyone. Very few people are interested in all this because they have to give up all of their assumptions and beliefs to discover a single truth. That anything thought creates is disorderly when it is outside the field of technology.


What is Meditation

August 17, 2011

I had to contact you after reading something you sent to a group of people. I know this person is your relation. But I don’t want to discuss her as she has been a help to me.

That’s good; I don’t want to discuss personalities, as it’s a waste of time and energy. How can I help?

That I’m not sure! Just your words really anger me. I felt so angry after I read them and yet when I asked my spouse about what you wrote they made an interesting remark.  Then we got into a major argument. My spouse also claims this is why they never attend things in the same spirit that I do and then I was called a gullible person, which only made thing go from bad to worse. I don’t see myself as a gullible person and I have an open mind. But what you wrote I hated you for and then I realized, as my spouse put it, why can’t I let this thing go?

So what was your answer?

I don’t know. I have tried to figure this out but I brought what you wrote and I would like you to read it, so I can get a better idea of what you meant.

I will read it if you like but I can tell you about it if you like. We are all caught in our own delusions thinking that when we are, they are not delusions.

I know. Please read it.

Okay.
Meditation is the ending of one’s daily disorder. It is choiceless and cannot be something that is practiced. Willful mindfulness is for people caught in the web of mind tricks, meeting their own self-centered activity. Any willful meditation is not meditation at all because any method to become aware or mindful is created by thought, or the process of thinking, in order to get out of the trap or limitation of ego or self.

Meditation is love in action and not an escape from one’s fast-paced life. To see how inattentive one is to their anger, hurt, jealously, or quest for power or insecurity as it moves is the beginning of meditation and the unfolding of the religious mind. Self can practice all kinds of traditions, rituals or disciplines but they are all movements of ego to get out of ego. How can the ego with all the problems it causes in relationship also be the thing that brings ego to its death so that real relationship is authentic?

Meditation is perceiving one’s lack of authenticity and the lies that self is and projects in all its multiple identifications. Ego-self can identify with the letters after one’s name, or the amount of money in the bank, or a vow of poverty. Ego is the making of meaning to justify the experiences one has chosen and is often giving itself mystical qualities because it can’t face its limitations and petty superficial existence.

Self cannot practice meditation. They do not belong on the same axis because love and hate are not related to each other and are not opposites. Meditation and love come from the same root. Self and practice, be it yoga or any method to become something spiritual, is like a dog wagging its own tail. To really feel love and compassion is to see one’s un-lovingness and violence to another. For a virtuous person can never recognize their own virtue, if they did it would be an egoism.

Meditation is not mindfulness. Meditation is a mind empty of all the identifications with the things thinking has invented. When a mind is serious and sets aside all its identifications and playing games to cover up its loneliness and endless chatter, it can go beyond itself. The going beyond is not something thought or self can touch. That is the truly religious spirit and it is not tied to any religion or method created by self.

Well, that is what I thought is would be! It is very questioning the way you read it however. Something is more offensive about it or something…

Can I say you find it radical?

Yes, that’s it.

Yet you want comfort, right? And it offers none.

Yes! Maybe. It doesn’t feel good.  But why do I feel so angry!

Are you angry or disturbed like you have been called out?

Well my spouse said the truth hurts, which really upset me.

Is that why you’re here?

No, it’s because I am a meditator and do it several times a week and now I feel like you have killed it for me.

Killed what?

I get a lot out of it I feel.

Great. Like what?

It makes me feel peaceful!

Did it help you with the fight with your spouse?

No, because I couldn’t get into it!

Yes, which means what?

That all I was thinking was about our fight and how I am not listened to and judged.

Yes! And is that not a judgment of your spouse?

Yes I guess it is!

Can I speak personally of a minute?

Sure!

I have practiced all kinds of meditation. I lived in a few ashrams and practiced yoga till I could tie myself in knots. I lived in California, got involved in all kinds of healing practices from Bach flower remedies, crystals and tarot cards, and even took a course to develop strengthening my mental and spiritual power so I could contact the dead and be a psychic. I went and ate the macrobiotic way until a good friend of mine told my something Jesus said: It is not what you put in your mouth that defiles you but what comes out.  And what I have learned is that I can deceive and be deceived when I want something. The mind is always acting out of its insecurity, trying to create realities to support its beliefs. All beliefs, whatever they are, are created by thought and thought is an ego-self-centered activity and has nothing whatsoever to do with anything spiritual.

I resent what you’re saying

Yes I know! Shoot the messenger, right!?

Maybe! But what if you’re wrong?

Wrong about what?

Spiritual practices!

You practice meditation right?

Yes and yoga too!

Yes and how has it helped your life?

It has made me a lot more peaceful and I appreciate more. I am thankful more.

Do you have many friends?

Yes lots.

As you age and they age, are they more peaceful and appreciative than you?

No, I would say some are, some aren’t.

The ones that are, do they practice yoga and meditation like you?

Some are and some aren’t I guess.

So the ones that don’t practice, how do you explain them being more peaceful and appreciative as you?

They found their thing to do!

You mean their method, right?

Yes, I see what you’re saying!

Now who picks the method? Or the help etcetera?

I guess the person seeking a method or help!

Right! So choose the help that suits us the most?

Okay. What’s wrong with that?

Nothing, but what is the purpose of the method you choose?

To make me a better person, more peaceful, more giving.

Yes, better than what you are now. You practice to become something better.

Yes, I don’t have a problem with that.

Of course you don’t, until someone comes around and say it is an illusion.

How do they know that?

Does your meditation bring an end to the conflict between you and your spouse?

No not right now!  The day before.
So with your spouse, your children, your in-laws, are you conflict free?

No!

And are you?

What I am or not has no bearing on your life! If I was or was not it won’t help you.

Why not?

Because your mind wants to find out if my way works and if it doesn’t you will say why should I listen to him? And if you think I am free of conflict you will try it and see if it works for you, which is still becoming something, right?

So what’s wrong with that!

Your ego-self is looking for a system, a method, which I can teach to you. Then you become attached to a system, which means pain.

I see what you’re saying and I just want to smash you. You’re a real ass!

Yes I am! I offer nothing. Any system, any willful meditation, rituals, and traditions, are all the invention of thought and therefore caught in time and bound by thought and are limited.

I feel so sad!

Yes we are! Filled with sorrow because we have filled our hearts with the things thinking has made. You see, everything is moving in the direction of people trying to practice something.  That practice is the movement of thinking trying to get out of thinking. We need to see that any movement out of thinking is still thinking trying to find another dimension. This movement must come to an end to be beyond thought, which is a truly religious mind.

I feel the truth of what you say and sitting here with you has some effect on me. Like some silence is speaking through you.

Okay, see how you’re doing it again! You want it to be about me, as if I am special or have some gift or some bullshit like that!

Well look what is happening! My emotions are all over the place. If I wasn’t sitting here with you this wouldn’t be happening.

Look, you are here and you have chosen to talk and you’re nice enough to listen. Your kindness is in spite of anything you have done. You have been willing to look at the illusion you are caught in.

Illusion? What illusions?

Can you see the truth of what is being said?

Yes I guess I can!

Can you see you want that to be about me?

Yes.

The fact is you decided to look into you owns delusion and illusions around meditation. Because of that you have set aside or emptied some of your content of your ego-self. The end of illusion is the function of meditation. Now can you in your daily life have discussion with people to see all of your illusions and delusions and face them and realize you can do nothing about them? This means not trying to change or judge them. Just watch them. In that watching is the true flowering of meditation. It is the highest form of art and most difficult to live into. It means seeing your selfishness with your spouse, your children, your job, your neighbor, everywhere, and end it.

It seems almost impossible!

Yes, but better than living in some illusion about myself and my fabricated gifts so I can impose my ignorance on others and make a living or ego life from them.

You’re too much! I want to thank you. I will read your blog!

Please remember how you feel right now!

I feel good. It was helpful I owe my spouse an apology.

You feel good because you questioned. That has nothing to do with me and all to do with you.

Yes I see that but you seem like an authority.
We only want and make authorities when we our confused.

That is a topic in itself.

Yes, some other time perhaps!

Yes thanks.

You’re welcome.

 

Coachbri


What is Meditation?

August 6, 2011

Meditation is the ending of one’s daily disorder. It is choiceless and cannot be something that is practiced. Willful mindfulness is for people caught in the web of mind tricks, meeting their own self-centered activity. Any willful meditation is not meditation at all because any method to become aware or mindful is created by thought, or the process of thinking, in order to get out of the trap or limitation of ego or self.

Meditation is love in action and not an escape from one’s fast-paced life. To see how inattentive one is to their anger, hurt, jealously, or quest for power or insecurity as it moves is the beginning of meditation and the unfolding of the religious mind. Self can practice all kinds of traditions, rituals or disciplines but they are all movements of ego to get out of ego. How can the ego with all the problems it causes in relationship also be the thing that brings ego to its death so that real relationship is authentic?

Meditation is perceiving one’s lack of authenticity and the lies that self is and projects in all its multiple identifications. Ego-self can identify with the letters after one’s name, or the amount of money in the bank, or a vow of poverty. Ego is the making of meaning to justify the experiences one has chosen and is often giving itself mystical qualities because it can’t face its limitations and petty superficial existence.

Self cannot practice meditation. They do not belong on the same axis because love and hate are not related to each other and are not opposites. Meditation and love come from the same root. Self and practice, be it yoga or any method to become something spiritual, is like a dog wagging its own tail. To really feel love and compassion is to see one’s un-lovingness and violence to another. For a virtuous person can never recognize their own virtue, if they did it would be an egoism.

Meditation is not mindfulness. Meditation is a mind empty of all the identifications with the things thinking has invented. When a mind is serious and sets aside all its identifications and playing games to cover up its loneliness and endless chatter, it can go beyond itself. The going beyond is not something thought or self can touch. That is the truly religious spirit and it is not tied to any religion or method created by self.

Coachbri


Renewing the Mind Everyday

April 4, 2011

It was morning and the clouds had all cleared from the sky. Nashville was alive in all her beauty. Many of the homes had trees in bloom and some of the magnolia trees were a rich red and purple. As one walked, one lost all time and distance and enjoyed the different gifts of beauty along the route. Some of the larger homes were so well kept and the squirrels and chipmunks were playing so joyful of spring and its renewal.

How important it is for a person to renew one’s brain and mind everyday. We are so burdened by the events in life that we never meet any problem, feel its weight and allow it to bloom and die. We are confident that progress is something we must acquire or achieve therefore we can’t face ourselves and run into all kinds of escape.

Drink, drugs, and sex are the escapes of the body and easy to overcome. The escapes of the mind are a deeper conditioning, more subtle and clever.   This mind created by thought is the source of all the pursuits of human beings’ conditioned need for psychological security. We want our children and spouses to be better and meet our image. Therefore our behavior takes on a righteous, moral purpose and we react to them or except things of them.

Morality cannot be formed by rules, traditions or be planted in a human being. Each person has to end their own psychological self, created and conditioned by thought.  Once one sees that self is but a habit and a product of thought, always looking for expression, filled with it’s empty promises, then one can begin to stay with what one is, which is self-entered, immature and corrupt to the core.  What a shock it is in all situations to see that the entire world is you and you are it! Every ugly thing in the world is within you, as part of your conditioning.

Love is not part of us as yet we can be filled by her. We are not filled with love when we practice any form of so-called meditation because it is a reaction that is self-imposed to escape self. The whole universe is in this state of true meditation except where human beings are concerned. They want to practice compassion as if self is capable of acquiring that fruit, love.  The blossoms of the trees just do their thing; their perfume is available to all the addicts, the rich, the poor, the murder, and the saint. Meditation is here now, never the next moment, just perceiving the dance of self-interest between you and the other or thing. That is the prison we are all caught in and there is no way out of that prison. The fight to get out of the state we are in is pleasure in all it forms. Relationship to and with is meditation; to sit silent is nice and peaceful but is again turned into a moral purpose, shared to express another egoism.

Love the people around you by seeing how much you despise them. Especially when they won’t give you what you want.

Coachbri


Meditation and the Friday Night Group

March 5, 2010

The day was bright and full of promise. One could feel the warmth of the spring sun on one’s face. Climbing on the maple trees were small sap flies – a sure sign of warmer weather. The flies seemed to stay close to the tree but every so often they would spring to life and hover around the dark creviced bark. The little bugs were more active in the sun. They seemed to delight in its energy and then they landed again and remained perfectly still.

All of nature seems to operate as movement and rest. The whole universe is in a state of meditation. Meditation is deep, radical, and therefore profound. Any time the human mind makes contact with the movement deeper than itself there is instant order. That order is a true internal movement. Very few human beings are interested in the movement that offers no reward or significance to their self-centered egos.

At Friday night group, we all come with a tremendous amount of baggage, of opinions, ideas, and self-centered projections. The significance of Friday night group is established when people are willing to let go of their point of view and find the necessity to empty all of one’s preconceived notions and ideas to enter a state of dialogue. The dialogue is in itself free from all personal intentions and is a simple movement of discovering an action that can free the mind from having the thinking process as the dominant function of the brain.

In order for this process to be discovered, one must first address all the external psychology dominating their brain, which is the source of all conflict. When the brain is caught in any contradiction, trying to become something that it isn’t, or trying to achieve a self-projected result, it is a source of disorder and human misery. The intent of Friday night group is to give people a chance to think together, which means the ability to address our human disorder in the personal realm that is responsible for global disorder.

Human beings do not want to see that the soul they have is the creation of external psychology. This means any imposed morals from the outside are not moral. The immoral is a movement from the outside, rules or laws imposed to keep us on a moral path. Why can’t we face the fact that we are immoral? Yet we cannot choose who we love; we can only choose the behavior we use to express that love. It follows then that we can only choose the behavior to also express hatred, prejudice, fear, anger, anxiety, agreed etc. Very few people are really interested and see the significance that one’s daily problems are the problems of the world.

I am sure you have heard that saying, “To be in this world but not of this world”. I understand this to mean that even though one thinks, the thinking process is used by something much deeper in the human mind. Therefore thought or the thinking process is a functional process dealing specifically with material in the physical world. Thinking is made out of material processes in the brain. Any process, however grand or so-called sacred, is just an expression of external psychology. The art of dialogue is a group of people, two or more, willing to set aside everything they know and look at things for the first time. This process of emptying is to live in the present and no guru, book, tradition, or ritual can bring about a state of mind that
is internal, orderly, and not practiced. If one sees the disorder that they are caught in completely, the perception of that disorder is the action that is internal psychology. Happy are those who find this.

The shadows from the trees on the snow grow longer as the afternoon deepens; a few squirrels have come down from the tree to check me out. Their inquisitiveness and their hunt for food is impressive – they seem to move in an attentive state. That level of attention keeps them alive and in a relationship with their environment. If only humans could apply that same attentiveness to the doings of thought! Then we too would be in a state of meditation where psychological problems are not. Friday night group is a place where psychological problems end. In that ending there is a new beginning to bathe in that emptiness is to understand the significance of nothingness. In the universe nothingness is holding everything together.

Coach Bri


Awareness Has No Cause

June 15, 2009

I have come to see you because of something you said at a Friday Night Group.
One of the members of this group was there and he was causing a lot of problems, judging people and trying to get a fight going. He seems so unable to, as you call it, evaluate himself. He was very good at evaluating them but there came a point in that meeting where you locked eyes with him and told him to leave himself alone. Now there are two things that I noticed in him: One, was he was very afraid of you and secondly, the more important one, was how you seem to be aware of things that I am not. So my question is this: What is this awareness all about?

Okay, so you wish to understand this thing called awareness. Can I ask why?

Well, if I was more aware I think I would get more out of things, I guess?

So your inquiry is to get something out of this awareness. Is that not a self-centered approach to the problem?

Okay, yes it is. So what?

Is awareness a self-centered movement? Or is awareness stopped and non-existent when one is self-centered?

I kinda see what you mean but not fully.

In order to find out what awareness is, must we not find out what awareness is not? Then from there discover how unaware we are.

I am not sure! I feel aware sometimes. But then it doesn’t seem to last long.

Of course!

Why do you say ‘of course’?

Anything willful, planned, by effort, by imagining or by drugs cannot make one aware.

So you are saying it can’t be forced.

Yes but much more than that! Awareness has no cause, being unaware has a cause.

Which is what? What is the cause of unawareness then?

To be preoccupied sir. That is simple then isn’t it?

When you put it that way yes! So then why are we so unaware?

The brain is always active, thinking sir, it is on override. Thinking enters places where it has little value or meaning.

Those places are?

Thinking has very little value in the area of human relationship. It gives one the illusion of relationship because you think like someone else or like a group of people. This has been our downfall sir. Surely you see that!

I think I do but it seems too deep for me.

Yes that is another thing that thinking does to avoid the issue.

What issue? And I think you have just called me lazy.

No sir, the fact is we are lazy! You are only not lazy when there is some pleasure in it for you, when you find the motivation, no sir?

Yes I see that. But relationship?

Sir, relationship through thinking is only association. People who are united through thinking are united through beliefs, be they religious, political, philosophical, or economic, it is all so superficial. Relationship implies being connected, contacting, being in movement with.

So can you say I am connected through my faith or religion?

No sir, that is not true!

Why not?

That is simple to see! Because being connected through anything that thinking creates like religion, philosophy, etc, is going to separate you from some other group which then leads to conflict and war. That has been our history of life on this planet – lot of things put together by thinking and the denial of relationship because of those things.

That is amazing!

Yes! If you see it and remain with it! Relationship in life is the most important thing. Not the job you have or the car you drive. But a deep connection first sir with your being. You are not the things thinking says you are. You are far deeper and richer than that. To see the fact of that one must refuse to enter any relationship or give importance to any relationship that is based on what thinking has put together.

Then how do I live Bri?

Sir, most people are struggling for human connection, socially we have great difficulty finding love and security.

No doubt about that!

See why sir? Because the things that are supposed to bring us security, like money, a job, religion, my family, bring conflict and conformity. When I don’t conform to the demands of another, I am left out! Thrown out! Relationship and connection come about when thinking is quiet, when I have no judgment, no preconceived idea about myself and or another. This is the movement of compassion; it arises in the ashes of all my self-centered thinking. So many people are unaware sir of what is happening, how quickly life comes and goes and at the end of our years most people’s brains are worn out. They are dazed and confused by their conflictual lives. Conflict breeds its own energy, rising out of the mechanical process of thought which fuels the war machine and has been doing that for one hundred thousand years. Relationship, connection is a more subtle movement which blooms in awareness. That awareness is not something that has any relationship to thinking – one cannot think oneself aware. When you are in discord or conflict, hurt, jealously, fear, greed, we poison everything we touch. To be aware of these movements as they are happening in you without trying to get rid of them is meditation. In that meditation awareness is the cornerstone of all relationship, thinking is perceived and torn out. In that we are free and that freedom is the movement of love, compassion and intelligence.

You strike a hard bargain.

No sir, bargaining is another form of trying to get what we want. I want nothing from you! Just see the truth of what is being said. It has nothing to do with me really. I’m not trying to convince you of anything.

Well you’re doing a damn good job!

Maybe you just see the truth of what is being said.

Yes maybe! Thanks. May I come again?

Of course!

Coach bri