Friday Night Group – article in the Goderich Signal Star

April 22, 2014

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Addicted to Our Sense of Importance

July 12, 2010

Human beings are like pudding stones. We are filled with a large range of behaviors, attitudes, intentions that are maintaining us as self-serving. We want to be famous, respected and revered. We are addicted to our own sense of importance; therefore in all things we are indifferent to the needs of others and this leads to the practice of external control or the need to control others. To have control over another is a sign of our own shallow intoxication with our self. The need to exert that control creates every form of conformity and violence and the egoism of oppression. Removing all external psychology is the greatest challenge in our life. This is very difficult to do because all of society is organized with external psychology. We are taught to identify with the things created by thinking, therefore we think we know what is best for others, how they should change, and we spend our life reacting and therefore keep ourselves in conflict with someone or something. We don’t want to realize that we are in a prison of our own desire, and desire and its pursuit keep external control in operation.

Desire for anything is a process of thinking and what desire promises never lives up to its promise. The more one develops an appetite for anything and feeds it, the more one can never find satisfaction. There is no internal desire put together by thought. Internal desire is a movement of how we feel in the moment that indicates to us if the behavior we are choosing in this moment is good and helpful to us or painful and detrimental to us. Internal psychology is a process that holds thinking in its place. Thinking out of its place has created all this conflict and the disconnection that happens in it. We can always practice.

Coach Bri


A Question

February 23, 2010

I was thinking about what you have said at Friday night group, and I had a flash of what I think may be that order you were talking about. What I saw was that I have been raised in a so-called religious home. But when I think of all the external control applied by my parents I feel that the level of criticism that I received and now practice on my family is what you say is my disorder. I think I see this. My son acts out of his disorder and I add to it. Do I have this correct?

What is the disorder you practice on your son?

Well, it is the same as I practiced on my husband! That anger and frustration!

Yes but are you not the anger and frustration, which is the fact of your disorder?

Yes, so what do I do now? Practice internal psychology, right?

So what do you do in your anger and frustration?

As you have said a thousand times, I choose a behavior that kills the relationships so I am caught in the thinking mode and I have to act it out on someone.

Can you see that choosing a predisposed position is one action that again reinforces the thinking process and external psychology?

I don’t follow that! Do you mean that practicing an internal psychology is also part of disorder?

No, I don’t think you can willfully practice an internal psychology.

I don’t understand. Can you make it clearer?

One must come to terms with something!

And that something is?

Your brain, my brain, is caught in a web called consciousness. It is made up of a self and every person has a self. Self is a product of memory, which is caught in time because self is a product of experience.

Ok I get that! Self is a group of experiences that I gather in the brain as memory. But I have a sense that I have aged and am wiser now than I was 10 years ago!

Yes but you’re not!

How do you know that?

You just have more knowledge about your self but you are still caught in your animal instincts and sustain them by using thought.

Okay I am more sustaining now than I was when I was 20.

Yes, true, but that is proof your not wiser!

I don’t get this then!!

Yes I know! Look at it! Or don’t look – the choice is yours.

No I want to look at it! It is just you piss me off so much.

Yes I know!

See! So you’re doing it on purpose!

No! You are angry now with me, right? Or your son or husband right?

Yes! Yes!

Who is it that is angry?

My self at your self!

So is your self different from your anger?

Yes, there is anger then there is me, my self acting out the anger!

What if you is anger!

Me is anger? I don’t get that.

You see, external control psychology has built the self out of memory. Self is a bundle of memory stored in the brain called self.

Okay, I see that and I guess it sounds right!

This sense of self is formed from the outside!
If I asked you, who you are, you would say what?

That I am me!

And who is you!

I would say I am a Canadian, a mother, a wife!

Yes and where did you learn that?

I guess from my parents!

Yes, but partly from your environment or society.

Okay!

And that is external from you!

What do you mean by that, “external from you”?

Well, you were conditioned to think you are Canadian.

I am a Canadian!

Yes, when you accept who you are governed by the external thinking. If you were born in the same place 500 years ago, would you still be a Canadian?

Of course I would!

Canada didn’t exist as Canada 500 years ago. The land did but not the conditioning called Canada.

Yes, I see what you’re driving at! How about my beliefs?

They are all put in you then you modify them to suit your experience.

Yes, but I have a belief about the universal energy and reincarnation! That is real!

Real yes, but untrue.

What do you mean? It is true to me. I live by it!

Yes each person lives according to his own belief! But why? Why is believing so important to us? To you or any human being?

Because it gives life meaning?

Okay, how? It only gives you a sense of false security!

Look I believe what I believe and I have the … damn…

Right to! And that right gives one a sense of security, no?

And what is wrong with feeling secure?

Well isn’t the demand for security a sign of insecurity!

Okay I think I see that?

Think you see that? Isn’t every problem you have with your husband and son you looking for security and if they only did what you said, lived how you want them to, there would be no conflict?

Yes okay, I see it! I see it! I get it!

What is it you get?

When I have problems with them we are in conflict and I see I’m the source of that conflict. I get that when my belief is there for them my self is there. The feeling of anger and frustration is the self, which is me in action.

Yes, now what can you do about that?

I don’t know? My life is this!

Yes it is! Now can I see that trying to change in any way is to avoid my inner ugliness and the fact that me, anger, frustration is all one clump of self or ego. So if I try to do anything to self, to change, is the wrong approach. This is self judging self, trying to get out of self, which strengthens self!

You know I think I do that! Strange as it is! That is my life.

Okay, so see the fact and remain with the fact that the self-centered movement is one movement. Fear is self, hurt is self etc. You can’t do anything about it. If you do you are creating more conflict. If you are willing to end all conflict, self and its beliefs no longer fuel external psychology and one comes upon a deep movement not the product of the self. That movement brings order and that order is a new beginning.

I have lots to think about! Thank you!!!

You’re welcome.

Coach bri


Life Coaching with Brian O’Reilly

February 24, 2009

Relationship is the most important process of our life; it is the source of all happiness.

In a world where we are educated to earn a livelihood, we have forgotten how to live and get along with the people in our life the way we want and need to. This is the source of all the personal psychological problems. We have been conditioned to think we are weak and the process of trying to become something is slowly eroding our intelligence. Therefore we think happiness comes in letters after your name or in what you own or the size of your bank account. We have been taught to hate, to discriminate, and think we are different than other creatures of the earth, and now we have cultivated a sense of entitlement. We have being conditioned to think we are the most important and entitled to anything we want without any ramifications.

The psyche of human beings is entangled with knowledge, creating a self that seeks to acquire outside points of reference like religions, political associations, educational credentials and culture. The self, which is a process of accumulation, from conditioning external to us, has given us the impression it is an internal movement. The importance placed on these external movements has formed people’s personal identity thus we are attached to them and the horrors they instill. We are educated to have beliefs, opinions, and ideals, which we ram down people’s throats in all situations where we don’t get along. This source of not getting along is the practice of the external control psychology or self, ego, that
1. reacts to information
2. blames situations and others when we are unhappy
3. evaluates others when we are the ones who are miserable,
4. imposes on others what we think is best for them, which is the knowledge that creates a self.

Remedy: In every situation, practice dying to external control and practice internal psychology.

1. See your attachment to external psychology, which is the self.

Your are not the car you drive, the house you own, the letters after your name, the position you hold in the firm, the size of your bank account, the clothes you wear and you are not your religious or non-religious beliefs. Your political associations do not define you, your behavior does. Thus the phrase: “Get over yourself!”.

2. Don’t buy into the idea that information makes your behave! You are always in control of everything you do. Even when you lose it, you have chosen your behavior.

3. The common denominator in all of your human misery and pain is what you are thinking and doing in the moment that it occurs, so change you.

4.Don’t be an expert in anyone else’s life, just your own. You only know what is best for you.

Coach Bri

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There is Always a Chance for Change

September 8, 2008

No matter how much human beings mess things up in their lives, there is always a chance for change. The feelings surrounding our failure is our internal psychology speaking to us that we need to change things. We can always make a better choice. One of the problems with medication is that choice and feeling that drives us to want to make change is inhibited. Medication is needed to keep a person alive until counseling can begin. But the success of counseling is the counselor’s ability to get close to the person who is having difficulty getting along with the people in their life the way they want to. In schools, at home, or at the office, problems arise because people have difficulty getting along and that is the source of the trouble.

Behind all human trouble is the lack of relationship and relationship is the process of recovery. People who can find a way to stay in relation with others and the situation they are in have very little conflict in their life.

Coach bri