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The absence of love is fear!

June 12, 2015

As a high-performance coach I have the opportunity of working with many professional athletes. One of the most difficult challenges they face, is how the very things they love gets poison. There’s never an adequate definition for what love is. But what we can find out is what love isn’t! When I am speaking of this love I am not speaking about the love of external things. In order for there to be love there must be a two-way relationship if there is not if it’s one-way it’s pleasure. Love is not pleasure! The essence of love is relationship! False Love is basically a one way relationship. You can say I love my house, My car, cookies, ice cream. Whatever you do, love that can’t have a relationship with you will be of the ego self and eventually create conflict and suffering. What gives us the most pleasure will give us the most pain and a one way relationship is based on pleasure. Think of any psychological suffering you have in your life, and you will see what  gives you a tremendous amount of pleasure always leads to pain. The pleasure you get from it is something you become attached to and then in that attachment you FEAR losing it which isn’t love. The psychology of external control is a psychology based in fear because trying to control other people psychologically creates fear. When you try to control another person you are doing so because in your life you feel out of control. Being out of control you focus on things and people outside of you and practice criticism, humiliation, blame, guilt, and many other habits to control people. Human beings throughout history cannot come to terms with the flaw in external psychology. We all know this basic truth but refuse to see that when we are  unhappy it is because of a relationship in our life is in trouble. We make it about everything else because the fear of  seeing that truth create the  psychology that is preoccupied with evaluating others. When you look at how hard it is to change your self and you face that you come to terms with another truth the impossibility of changing others. This loss of power in their life,  often creates the cycle of doubt therefore  having little or no confidence to meet life  challenge. The next thing sphere does to justify its righteousness is to create the sorrow of self-pity. Most people lives in the sorrow of their own self-pity because they do not want to be responsible for changing their own behavior. All throughout history you can easily see that our greatest challenge facing human beings is our inability to get along with each other. Our daily relationships are filled with conflict insecurity and anxiety creating fear because feeling inadequate we choose the psychology of external control. When I’m working with many professional athletes it is amazing how the very tools that got them to the highest level they give up, because they can’t please the coach. Giving up on themselves entering the cycle of doubt they get caught up in their own self-pity and this kills the love of the game. Being  disconnect they often practice external psychology and push people away they need which leads to a character meltdown. This is often when so many athletes sleep around on their partners turned to drugs, alcohol  gambling and then I’m called in to help them put their lives back together. The greatest problems are not the drugs alcohol gambling or affairs the greatest problem is there disconnectedness from the people in their lives they love want and need. This state disconnectedness create the cycle of anger or depression which leads to the state of self-pity which is the source of all fear. In this state of self-pity we have tried hard to change other people and it doesn’t work and then we’re caught in greater self-pity. When you have love and you’re doing anything out of that love you’re full of passion creativity, and enjoy what you’re doing because one gets some sense of meaning and purpose which fuels our confidence. I Skype athlete from around the world professional soccer, cricket , Australian footy, NHL hockey players. The common denominator in all of these people is when they’re in the state of fear they Not only do harm to themselves, and teammates, they also poison the relationships with the people in their life they love and need the most in their personal lives. The source of all happiness which is our mental health, is the ability to bring all our total energy into the moment. In this moment we are connect to what we are doing is our way that we are able to respond adequately to the challenge before us. When you’re in a state of disconnectedness you are continually reacting to information taking it personally and acting out of one’s self pity which creates conflict and strength fear. When there is this connection there’s a deep sense of love and whatever action you do out of this love is a innovative movement. That movement bring it own order in the mind because it is  efficiency and effective action without regret. Love strengthen relationship which is the ending of fear between any single or group of people. In order to end fear, one must understand it.In that very understanding is the movement that ends fear! Helping athletes and organizations integrate this in their life opens the athlete, the team, the organization ,to unlimited possibilities.

 

Coachbri

 

 


The Heart and Soul of Affairs

July 5, 2012

Affairs happen. They are a part of human behaviour. As painful as they are, they can be a catalyst for a better relationship and a deeper marriage. If we are at all serious about our lives, understanding is a prerequisite for a loving, intimate, and sexually charged marriage.

Most people have affairs because there is too much external psychology going on in the relationship. External psychology is about trying to control the other person by behaving in such a way using criticism, humiliation, guilt, bribes, fear, punishment, or any other of the controlling behaviors to get them under your control. When a person practices these behavior habits they are shooting themselves in the foot and eventually will kill any intimacy within the relationship. Intimacy is the key ingredient in any relationship. It is about being sensitive and respondent too another in a way that seeks understanding and quality for both people or things in relationship to each other.

Women tend to seek intimacy through the process of communication of feelings and emotions from and in a relationship. They then feel they are loved and belong with that person. Men tend to seek sex as a means to having that sense of loving and belonging. This difference between men and women leads to them choosing to be critical with each other, which in turn kills all passion between the couple. The problem then is compounded because a man’s need for sex is part of his survival need and he finds it easy to have sex without any intimacy at all. Men sexually are visual creatures, and that is why when a man has an orgasm, his eyes are open. He is hardwired for this and then within moment after his orgasm he slowly opens his eyes and heart to the being women is. With his eyes closed it is an internal experience – the release for him is seen as pressure removed and he can then relax and get more emotional. Women, on the other hand, orgasm with their eyes closed – a very internal process. Then as it descends her emotions release and come to the surface. Here the man and the women are two very different creatures yet make up one whole.

It is that wholeness through sex or other challenges that real intimacy between people, men and women, breaks out. Notice please that I used the word “breaks out” because you can’t fake intimacy!  Without it one feels a great sense of disconnection between you and your partner and then this leads to the practice of external psychology and the habits that cripple the relationship.

 

Coach bri


Questioning Coach Bri

February 17, 2011

Question # 1

Male, age  24
Occupation: Surveyor
I do a lot of reading and I am not religious by any sense of the word. I have been working for this past year in a new job. I get to spend lots of time alone, often days on end in the wild. The company I work for pays me well and when I return to civilization I reward my hours of hard work with partying, gadgets, and dumb pursuits. My heart feels empty and when I look at life and see all the lies and corruption, it feels shitty.  I couldn’t believe the last bailout and the rich powerful banks that created the whole thing, with lies after lies. I thought Obama would be different but he is like all the rest it seems. He operated in the interest of big business and now the citizens, the taxpayers, get ripped off. It seems all the religions have failed. The Catholic Church is full of the sexual abuse, yet they claim they are close to God! The Muslims and all the violence, the field of psychiatry filled with doctors who have no idea about helping people, just drug pushers for drug companies and inventing diseases so they sound smart. The world is what it is and I feel maybe it has always been this way. But here I am, almost 25 and what I see of humans, including myself, is just so pathetic.  We may do great things in medicine, space the final frontier and all that, but really for what? So we can destroy that planet too?  I read your web site sometimes and I feel a bit better.  Then again it may offer me a place to hide. What is life about Coach Bri? Because apart from getting laid, partying, and buying what I want when I want it, it all seems so pointless. Yet I play, waiting for some experience to jolt my life into something true or real. My apology for all the words but for some reason I think you care.

Answer:

Humankind has lived this way since the dawn of time. We are so deeply conditioned to live from a very small part of our brain. We think we are educated because we get degrees, which is just another from of corruption sanctified by the establishment of the ego. We have inherited all the knowledge of the experts and professors who are caught in the same egocentric game as the beggar on the street. Both have a conditioned point of view, created by thinking. We are a melting pot of so many things which are the creation of the thinking process and through that process we make life mean something and cling to it like a starving dog, looking for its next meal.

What matters in this life is not what you become but what you refuse to become, as all becoming is the conditioned point of view, and the common way of living. What matters is not what I think or what anyone else thinks of your life because, that too is the conditioning of authority passed down from man’s deep confusion.  No one can set a human being free; one has to do it for oneself because one has to come to terms with this ugly petty existence.

Most people out of their confusion cultivate faith. The very movement of faith is the heart of our darkness.  The story of humankind over the ages is the pursuit of some state of being where there is perfect security.  This leads a person, through their beliefs, given or self-invented, to kill another in the name of faith. To be secure we have made our minds into accumulating commercial machines. We have made meditation, the practice of sitting down, listening to music, breathing deeply and using our imagination to find a few moments of peace. Any peace that is self-induced soon becomes the source of our attachment and another movement of seeking security. Anything thought creates from spiritual methods, rituals, traditions and faiths can never lead to freedom but are the source of all bondage and lead to fear.

Most human beings, when they deal with death, cling to the conditioned cultural images and beliefs as a means of running from the fear of the unknown.  Running from the unknown we cling to things and know we are caught in our own superficiality. This drives us to drink, drug, or gamble, or some other excitement that promises us relief from our own pettiness.

Most human beings are full of anxiety and we don’t see we create this anxiety because we are a slave to thought. Thought has developed the process of intellect and is refining it every generation. We think that the more letters we have after our name the more secure we are. Security is what thought creates, however brilliant or simple it may be, is the source of anxiety. A person who is willing to step out of this madness, not as a reaction (because all reaction is anxiety and superficiality) must at seeing the disorder in themselves step out of the known into the unknown. In doing so everything is organized against you. Yes, your wife, your friends, your workplace, everything. Only then in the emptying process is there a shift from an external psychology to an internal one. That movement is the source of everything. It is like the dark matter of the universe that is holding everything together.

Coach Bri


Doubt, Faith, and Distortion

December 21, 2010

Here in Denver the air was thin and clean, the sun was warm and penetrating. In the morning I walked along the tireless river.  There were many ducks busy feeding and doing their daily activities. They all seemed to share the river and what she offered them. Larger birds seemed to be aware of other large birds and they would stop eating when they swam near each other. The smaller birds were no threat to the larger ones and went unheeded. Occasionally a small piece of paper floated down and was inspected by a mallard duck, which seemed to know something about these floating prospects. It would explore them with its flat bill and toss them about, picking at their contents. Everything that happened on the wide, shared river had meaning to its inhabitants and they all seemed to get along fine.

Human beings forever have been hurt by the tremendous influence of professionals in the area of their own development. Not able to ask deep, profound questions that are not the response of pressure from the outside or inside, human beings have lost touch with the own movement towards their gifts and inclinations.  We have sought, in our confusion and reaction to such a violent world of conformity and corruption, a state of mind that wants unshakable faith or some supernatural power to bring meaning and purpose to our lives.

Faith is the cultivation of minds that are deeply caught in their own self-centered pursuit.  They want this faith to be unshakable and whomever challenges it is seen as doing something sacrilegious. The faithful minded are always rooted in their belief, and security is their narcissism. To be free of the past influences with regards to our own life journey is to have doubt as a cornerstone of all religious endeavors.  Without doubt, any inquiry into anything will only lead one back to one’s own distortions and one clings to one’s distortion like a burr on a piece of wool. Only in seeing how one is so deeply affected by the professionals, who project an image of smartness and status, can one ever arrive at truth. Truth is the thing that brings freedom and that freedom means insecurity and a deep sense of energy that faces the unknown without anxiety. The deeper one’s faith, the greater the anxiety.  All anxiety is a mind caught in the past, trying to secure the future.

The sun and its glorious rays are soon covered by the clouds.  Off in the distance the silhouette of the mountains appears.  In the late afternoon the warmth of the sun dissipates and soon the game will start and I will enter a whole set of different illusions.

Coachbri


Friday Night Group: If you’re looking for something to take with you when you leave, don’t bother coming

September 22, 2010

Friday Night Group has been going for about 15 years now. The group is formed by people who are interested going beyond the limitations of the self and thought. Most of them have seen through the conformity of beliefs, personal and religious. We question and purpose of illusions that the mind is caught in, and is creating, that make our minds petty and small.

Most of humanity is caught in the illusion that we are separate beings, doing separate actions, living separate lives. We are afraid to see that we are all one consciousness. Yes, one big thinking machine. We all employ thought to set up and determine our reality regardless of what it is. Thought on its level is the thing that has created what we are, how we see ourselves. Thought gives itself all these amazing qualities, one being that it is eternal.

Thought can’t handle that it is a process of memory, gathered and modified and is a movement from the past, through the present to the future. Thought want to be timeless and knows that it is not but can’t handle the truth of it. So what does it do? It attaches to anything that has any sense of nominal presence. So it created the entity called self. Self is at the center of all our problems and it reinforces itself by creating solutions.  The only problem with that is that whatever solution it makes, it causes other problems because it sees itself separate from the problem that the self has created.  Take for example fear. Fear is self thinking about the future and trying hard to get guarantees of its future. By doing this it keeps chasing its own tail and giving itself the feeling it is has a life that is permanent.

Friday Night Group is about the dismantling of self and all realities created by thought. It is the action not based in time. Every night is a challenge to let go of all one’s preconceptions. Yes, empty the mind of all the things self takes refuge in! This is real meditation and the whole universe is involved in it.  Humankind is the only species that is outside this movement of meditation.  Self’s reaction to this is to go and sit and meditate, to connect because it perceives its own disconnection.  You can’t ever connect to the universe because you are already connected. Self is the disconnection to the universe so any willful practice to connect is self again trying to fix the problem – it is self-created. We are on a journey and questions must be asked and held. To arrive is to fix the mind again in an illusion of its own making.

Coach Bri


Thought and the Fear of Death

December 8, 2009

In our last session we discussed how thought plays such a large roll in creating and maintaining our problems.   You were very clear about this regarding fear of death. I can’t seem to remember what it was you said but it did scare the crap out of me! Now things keep coming back to me that we discussed.

Thinking is always on the move, looking to keep itself alive through activity. Thinking about something is thought’s occupation. It is always moving and when one watches or pays attention to thought it slows down. When one gives one’s whole attention to thought it ceases. It is like when you are in a car crash and things seem to happen in slow motion. Most of us only know the release from thought through some activity, competition, or adrenaline rush. If one uses concentration to quiet thought, it is freedom from and therefore a process of exclusion. Thought doesn’t want to end, and its primary directive is to find in some religious, political, or personal belief a place where it is permanent and secure. Thought creates all kinds of beliefs and material processes because it is itself a material process.

The chemical nature of thought is moving in an irrational pattern when it is used beyond the technical boundaries of its intended function. Where human relationship is concerned thinking is a mess. It creates groups of people and the illusion that we are separate beings in separate lands. Thought has created all the psychological problems of disconnection, fear, jealousy, hatred, greed, loneliness etc. Thought also creates the external psychology that most people practice to deal with there disconnected state only inflicting more damage and disconnection.  Thought creates the problem of disconnection and then tries to be the remedy to change it. You can’t use cancer to kill a cancer without creating the same result.

Our greatest challenge as human beings is to question everything that thought creates to make us better people, more loving etc. Thought is a movement that is caught in time.  Fear, jealousy, greed, and hatred are products of time because they are things we learn. Love and compassion are not the rooted in thought. They are another movement that is truly internal. Self is fear, jealousy, greed, hatred and is put into you by others. Where these are, love and compassion are not. To love another and reject someone else is not love.
Death is the ending of self and self is terrified of it own ending.  In the ending of thought one is no longer seeing through the eyes of time and one’s own limits. Then one is free and what is free is not held in the confines of death.

Coach bri


You Have Poisoned My Life. Now I Have No Idea How to Live.

September 9, 2009

I heard you at the conference and was impressed by your conversation; you seemed to hold the whole group’s interest. Since then I wish I didn’t attend it. For some reason I was upset about others being verbal about their struggle and how they struggled with the truth of what you were saying. I saw myself becoming annoyed by these people and I wonder why.

So I impressed you. That was not my intention!

Wait. I’m not finished – there’s more! After being so upset with these people I saw that I was angry with them because their struggle was my struggle and I had separated myself from them. And, as you say, what you dislike in anyone is the self which is you. This has been the most difficult time in my life. You have turned me inside out and now I have no clue on how I should live my life.

So what you are saying, if I have understood you correctly, is you are at a place inside yourself where you feel unrest. You have got the spirit of discontent. This came to you because the conference you chose to attend had an impact on you and now you are questioning the very nature of that impact. Do I have it correctly?

Yes that is it! Exactly!

So you have come to see me because you’re upset with me?

I think so!

No, that is not good enough!

Maybe I thought that I needed to see you! Can I tell you how I feel now? When I look at you and the way you are, I feel different. I just want to cry, I feel that you love me or something because you see through me! I couldn’t hold your eyes at the conference. I felt you were emitting some kind of energy.

I am sorry but that is just your thinking brain trying to avoid the truth of the matter, and it wants to make it about me, and that is a lie! I am a human being full of flaws and so are you! We are just meeting halfway and talking openly about the facts of our lives. We are self-centered sir, both of us. This is where the change must happen. We must both be willing to talk about the facts of our self-centered, egotistical lives and see the problem in the world is us, face the challenge of change, in a way that is whole, and not another egoism.

Well that seems impossible!

This is what awakened in you after the conference, did it not? This state of the impossible task we human beings must face, if there is going to be a human race. You saw the center of your own misery and you don’t want to change, right? You love your habits, the pleasure they bring and in the same breath you hate them.

I hate what I keep doing to myself. You know some weekends I try to be alone with myself and I can’t. Last weekend I went to a pub and brought a book and read there because I just can’t take being alone. I, as you put it, poisoned myself with booze every day or smoke a joint; it is all the same – I am running.

I know! I know! This is what we have reduced life to. Acquiring things, titles, money, sex, drugs, whatever, because we can’t handle the poverty of our own condition.

And that condition is?

We are slaves to thought. Thinking is the dominant factor of our life, it rules us and it has conquered us and divided us, inside and outside!

I don’t get all that. Can you tell me more?

Only if you are really listening! Not agreeing or disagreeing – that anyone can do!

Yes I understood that at the conference! It was a shock at first, but I never listen to anyone really, just my own thinking because, as you said, I am arming my comeback. I learned that at the conference that I really don’t listen at all, not even to myself. I always want, as you said, something to strengthen my point of view. And if I disagree, my point of view is strengthened.

Yes and therefore divided from the other with their point of view. Very few people talk it out to explore, open it up and find out. All of our problems are common. We all are poisoned by the things of thought.

And they are?

You know them – you suffer as all human being do who have an egotistical self.

Well at the conference when you talked about how we are all looking for security in and about self, that rang true for me.

Much more, much much more!

Okay, what?

Are we all not suffering with greed, jealously, over indulgence in one thing or another, loneliness, fear in one form or another, demanding, power tripping, and mistreating the ones closest to us? You know all this, right?

Well that about sums it up!

So now you are lost, right? What does one do when they’re lost?

Well I guess the first thing is to find out where you are.

Yes and we know that! A flawed, contradicting, self-centered human being. Who wants to run away from the fact that their thinking has created and conditioned who they are by what they have or don’t have? Shallow, petty, demanding pleasure, intellectual or otherwise. Right? Do you see it?

Yes that is me! But I have periods of happiness, few and far between.

Happiness, or amusing yourself with pleasure?

Okay if I’m honest, pleasure, and joy once in a while.

Sorry, how do you know it is joy?

Well the best example was in the conference when you said beauty is anything, anytime where self isn’t. I have had that happen to me! Where I wasn’t all about myself and just let whatever was there be there. I wasn’t thinking a lot.

Yes in perception thought has no place! It may have a place after but not as one perceives.

I think I get that!

So you are lost and the world says don’t be! Do something, solve a problem, create a problem to solve

Yes that is me!

No, it is the condition of all of mankind – to create problems and solve them. It gives us a feeling we are progressing. Towards what?

I have no idea! I have being doing that to keep my shitty fearful life working but… I have no wisdom!

And so you are chasing after wisdom?

Well I guess I know that the last thing I am is wise!

What tells you that?

Well how can I be! Most of my discussion with you points out that I am basically irrational.

Yes and seeing that is the beginning of wisdom!

What is?

Do you see that human beings think they are rational? They are addicted to drink, smoke, sex, work, acquiring things, money, power, ambition, wanting to be envied, or rich, or famous. And the things they will do to achieve – they hurt, kill over for a flag, which is nothing but a piece of cloth that is colored! They live in fear yet they think they are rational. To see that one is irrational is the beginning of rationality. That is wise! Do you see it?

Yes I think so but language seems to be wrong or misleading.

Yes thought is never the thing it is describing. So one is lost! Be lost fully and you know where you are lost. Then from being lost, question the very direction you want to move it since it may be another irrational direction. Just be still, open, and perceive it all without choice! In that awareness there is feeling and movement, not as a causation of thought. In that movement compassion is action and its own direction, apart from the process of thinking.

Thank you so much for your time!

You must come again!

I will. Thank you!

Coach bri

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There is No Recipe for Winning

February 8, 2009

The coach had assembled the team in the small warm room. It was a place they met often. Today, because it was 38 degrees outside, the room was especially hot. Soon the air conditioner was put on and it quickly offered some relief from the heat.

The athletes arrived and we all began to debrief. The athletes first described the match and their thoughts on technical things of the game. The atmosphere in the room held many emotions and all were hiding what they really felt. They were in a space where self-deception was going to divert from the problem and render people ineffective. The chat went on for some time and everyone avoided the heart of the matter. It is amazing how clever people can avoid the real questions and what really is going on within a group of people who have no regard for their potential and living up to it.

Often athletes who have some success are the hardest to work with because they think they can win or have the recipe for winning. The fact is that there is no recipe and every journey must begin each day new and fresh and the level of commitment to what you are doing must be in place.

We put so much attention on the technical things, facilities, tools etc to get away from the fact of team building and the competitive edge. It is not natural to be competitive. It is something that is put into us. It is a ruthless thing that easily can become twisted in the sense of power over other people and situations that can breed a heightened level of superiority. This level of superiority invites fear because it forms an image of the player based on success. Any time you identify yourself with your performance in anything, you invite fear and it cripples the love of the game and destroys it. These athletes were masters at building all kinds of “off ramps” with each other and scared to really reach their potential.

The thing we fear the most is the work we must do to be an effective team. Excellence is learning all the factors that prevent you from giving your best effort. Many people dream of winning Olympic gold but only a handful have the heart to do the training to achieve it. Fewer have the insight that winning is a quest for excellence, the dismantling of their brainwashing to end all fear. Where there is fear, all love is not. Love and excellence is our natural state.

Coach bri


Coach, I’m Not Scoring!

December 3, 2008

Coach, I had to call. I’m not scoring. I am so pissed, I had a chance in the shootout and I shot wide. If I would have scored we would have won the game.

Yes you’re right – you might have!

No, I was the last shooter, the one who could of done it. But I didn’t. I let the team down! I stink! I don’t know why I play this game!

I thought you did because you love it!

I did. I am not fucking loving it now!

Before the game, how many times did you rehearse shooting or practice a shootout that week?

Why? What the hell is that going to do for me?

When you were given the opportunity to take the shootout, what was your thinking doing?

What kinda question is that? My thinking doing?

Yes, were you thinking?

Another stupid question. What does that mean?

Sorry, but can you give me a bit of your time now or do you want to call me later?

I was shitting my pants!!! OK?! I was scared, it was a hard game and I needed to score – I blew it.

Yes I see! Fear. What is fear?

Fuck I hate this, I can’t think right now! You give me questions I just want…?

What?

Sympathy!

Yes! Ok. Sorry, I thought I’d mistaken you for someone who loves the game rather than someone who defines themselves by it.

Thanks! Thanks a lot! You can be such a prick!

Yes! Still afraid to look are you? You make it about me! Maybe I can take the shootout for you!

Ok I get your point. Sorry! Sorry!

So you were shitting your pants were you?

No but I felt like it, my stomach was gassy and nervous. My arm felt uptight.

What happened the more you focused on the outcome of scoring? The tighter your arms and stomach felt, right?

Yes, that’s exactly it!

How was your breathing?

Shallow and short. But I have been doing what you said – focusing on the process.

No, you’ve being talking yourself into talking about process, to get an outcome, which is focusing on the outcome pretending, you’re not.

You know, I think you’re right, as crazy as that sounds. But how do you know that coach?

You said your breath was short and you had fear! If you want to score in tough situations you must be all about process. Process is mastering your breath, mastering yourself and then the situation.

How do you know I didn’t master myself?

Because you said your were shitting your pants, you were putting yourself under pressure therefore … fear. Fear is always the future! Future is outcome.
Therefore you couldn’t…

Master the situation! I get it coach. I see it!!! Now what do I do?

Nothing! Seeing is doing! If you’re really seeing!

How will I know if I really see?

That’s easy! You must come to terms with your self-centered approach to sport! You are, in those moments, an egomaniac, all about you, not the team.

Thanks coach – just say it as it is!

Deep breath in through your nose, out through you mouth. Breathe deep into your belly and as you exhale release with a sound hawwwww. Then clear your mind, positive thoughts, only on process, on what you are doing, love the pressure, love the game and shoot. What happens once you release the puck is gone forever.

You miss because:
1. The goalie is more focused that you.
2. You are identified with the outcome of your shot. You have made it personal.
3. Your breath is shallow, your thoughts bring fear, your body is tight and movement is out of rhythm, you are feeling pressure, not challenge, therefore you are at the effect of your stinking thinking.

Yes that is me! You’re right coach!

No, I’m not right – you see the truth in what I am saying, that is all. What is the purpose of your feelings?

I remember this coach – to tell me something is wrong! Right?

Partly. Feelings tell us if what we are doing now is effective or ineffective.

Oh yeah!

How do you feel now?

Better! Thanks Coach bri!

You do a sport! Never let it define you, your performance is but a mirror to see your own ego get in the way. When ego is not there you find discipline. Discipline is doing what you have to do when you have to do it.

Thanks coach!

Coach bri


Fear in Competition

May 21, 2008

The quest for Olympic medals is a very difficult task. The Olympics has been the ultimate testing ground for so many athletes because of the prestige of winning an Olympic medal. The Olympics bring about a different set of pressures compared to most other events in a person’s life. In order to perform well at the Olympics, athletes always have to battle fear. Even when you fear in the moment, what you are really fearing is the outcome that happens in the future. This is what is deceptive about thinking: athletes that need to perform at a certain level with a certain skill and don’t perform that skill well because of what possibly could happen in the future.

ang servingLet’s say for example that an athlete needs to develop a tougher serve in order to perform at a higher level. Well, when the person goes to practice that serve in a game situation and produces a pressure situation on the other side of the net to increase their chances of winning, many athletes are afraid and don’t practice that serve in the competition phase. This is because of the immediate fear of losing the game in the future, which can be twenty seconds or ten minutes from now, and this cripples their own growth as an athlete. In order for anything to be successful, under pressure, you have to practice it in situations of low pressure as well as situations of high pressure. This I believe is the process of mental training and the integration of perfect practice makes perfect.

In order to understand this more closely, let us examine the behaviour of serving. Because all behaviours are driven by four basic components, let’s examine each one of these components separately. What is the physiology of serving? In order to have a good serve when one goes back on the line, one has to be in control of their physiology. That means that the respiration, arousal level, and heartbeat all come together and there must be a relaxed intensity within the athlete’s physiology. If their breath is too rapid it could mean that they’re overexcited and because they’re overexcited, more fatigued. They are not able to stay loose, and in control of their actions. One must be able to master their physiology, if they want to have a good serve.

The next component is feeling. Feeling is the direct relationship to how one is experiencing that life situation of competing. If the server goes back and feels very good and confident this will only help the person stay relaxed and master their physiology. They will be inspired to serve. If a person is feeling afraid, and not very good, they will be in a cycle of doubt . Since they’re in that cycle of doubt, there is a greater potential for them not to have the correct physiology in order to stay relaxed enough to make a good serve.

Now the next component is thinking. If the two components of physiology and feeling are under the athletes control, they are able to produce the right thinking in order to make an effective serve. However, if the physiology is erratic and the athlete feels poorly, then it is very hard to think clearly in order to serve or choose the type of serve needed in order to create a high level of effectiveness and put the other team in trouble.

The fourth component is the acting, completing the behaviour of serving. This serving behaviour is dependent upon the other three components acting together in a relationship to produce a quality serve. A quality serve is a serve that scores a point or puts the team in trouble and limits the other team’s opportunity to score a point or to easily defend. This is also the situation of life, in our relationships. When a change is needed, we often fear that change, because that change puts us in a horrible position. And we feel insecure. Therefore we are in the cycle of doubt. When a person in a relationship sits in the cycle of doubt, the person then is controlled by that doubt and will not think or act differently. Therefore they will never feel differently, or be calm and collected in that situation.

Anything we do, where we directly effect the outcome of the situation, adds a certain pressure. The ability to manage that pressure is the ability to deal with the four components of behaviour. The management of these four components deals directly with the process of success. Rather than the outcome of the behaviour, if we first understand and master of the process, we will create more desired outcomes.

Coachbri

Photo: Angie Shen