What is happening to hockey in Canada?

January 20, 2014

What is happening to hockey in Canada? As you know, this has been a question that has been asked for decades. As a high-performance coach, I have worked with business teams, sports teams, executives, individual athletes, dancers, and actors from around the world in multiple sports and business venues. I think I have a fairly good understanding of what happens when we move away from a developmental mode and prioritize winning. The clear distinction between a developmental model and a winning model is that winning is about performance now, short term gains, nearsightedness and performance based with high pressure, and of course short learning time that creates huge gaps in learning.

A good developmental model on the other hand looks at long-term gains, farsightedness, low pressure, and greater learning time so that transitions within skills, knowledge, and execution can be accomplished.


What is wrong in hockey or any sport is always the psychology behind it. Every generation is part of the same old problem because the grass roots of the game are not found in the principles of coaching but founded on principles of “Win at any cost”. This winning at any cost is the result of parents’ self interest and greed. We sacrifice their children’s fun, learning, skills and development because of the money investment in their child, getting a scholarship, making team Canada, and, if you have son, the ultimate: making the NHL.


Having two sons in the NHL, both played junior hockey, both decided to skip university or college and it has been a good choice for them. However, as a high-performance coach it has been an interesting ride doing damage control with both my sons from the external control coaching that is rampant in hockey where winning at any cost becomes the premise for competing.


I have spent the last 35 years of my life as a high-performance coach traveling the world, dealing with coaches, athletes, and administration on how to have a more effective and competitive culture. In all the countries that I’ve worked in, I find that Australia seems to be light-years ahead in the area of sport training and ethics by fully committing to a developmental model for athlete performance.


One of the most respected and decorated coaches in Canada is a track coach Andy Higgins. What makes Andy so successful and what makes the athletes around him so successful is he puts the developmental model of the person ahead of the athlete. I don’t believe Andy practices any external psychology when he works with athletes. It is the psychology of external control that creates the downfall in any sport worldwide. Unfortunately hockey uses the axioms of external control and I’m just one of the people that helps pick up the pieces in an environment that is sometimes torturous to our young men. Every year I deal with 40 to 60 young men who end up in some situational crisis because of the coaching they have seen that is unbelievably detrimental to the athlete as a human being.


I have worked with many players in the NHL, AHL, OHL, AAA, AA, A…all the way down to E levels, helping them recover from the brutal coaches who use external psychology as their modus operandi. If you are a coach or a GM and are reading this article, it might be a good idea if you consider what’s being said because this is the psychology that is poisoning your operation at every level it’s practiced. And what is more difficult to understand is that there is a different psychology of internal control that people can learn but it takes longer to learn it but the benefits and payoffs are enormous and extremely cost-effective.


The consequence of external coaching results in an atmosphere of win at any cost. Therefore in that attitude it makes the parents, coach, athlete focus on outcomes rather than the process of constant improvement. The outcome of winning outweighs the process of developing


Brent Sutter, who has a keen eye from his perch as owner, general manager and coach of the Red Deer Rebels said “There’s too much focus on winning and losing at such a young age.” I agree with Mr. Sutter and I believe this statement to be true. However, that difficulty arises because of the psychology that is practiced in the grass roots of hockey in our schools, work places, homes, and all the way up to the NHL, is external psychology and boss management.  We fail to understand that our brains are conditioned to external psychology and it is part of our evolution that it exists and if human beings are going to take the next leap in our development, we have to change our psychology.


Teams in Europe who are developing their hockey programs will naturally catch up to Canada as all nations catch up to other nations in sports when they pour money into programs. Easily put, it gets harder and harder to win as other teams learn and improve. It is the same as the BlackBerry company, who once lead the market share, others catch up and it gets hard to be successful unless you do something different that your competition isn’t. It is the same as in the free-market: the competition gets better and better until you have to learn to do things differently and produce a better product.


Human society in North America is suffering with affluence. Where there is affluence, there is greed! Look what this greed has done to hockey! Because only the rich can play the sport, we have cut off a huge cross-section of young children who have always been the backbone of Canadian hockey. These kids, who have to grow up with tremendous adversity and triumph over so much, developed character traits that deal with pressure more effectively. So now the question becomes: how do you get the best out of kids that are spoiled and can’t handle adversity? Don’t get me wrong here – I think every child should be spoiled. Most of the kids that I see in my private practice for counseling aren’t spoiled, but they definitely have been raised in external psychology environments.


External control psychology is the psychology that destroys every family, marriage, sports team, and business team – anything to do with human relationship. One of the biggest signs of external psychology are its practices of blame or fault finding.


There are people, teams, and organizations that have taken that leap and very little external psychology is practiced. Organizations that practice external control kill creativity and leadership. My example of this is BlackBerry. I have been a BlackBerry user for years but you can see that they slowly fell behind because they couldn’t keep pace with innovation and creativity and leadership because they probably practice most of the habits of external control when coaching their people within their organization. External psychology is always at the root of every human endeavor that fails; you can’t have people be creative if they are in fear of losing their job, their sense of well-being, or their meaning or purpose for existence.


The TSN analyst Bob McKenzie noted on Sunday, “My theory is that it’s between the ears, Canada is fearful of losing.”


External Psychology is driven by 5 basic conditions that affect everything we do! If any of these conditions dominates your thinking you are an external control maniac, and eventually you will destroy the environment for yourself and others to be a successful team. These five conditions of external control are psychological habits in human behavior that are real weapons of destruction because they maintain our glorified self-interest and give us the feeling that we are right and know what is best for other people.


Condition 1. Human beings are conditioned to believe that you can motivate somebody my external means. This means that we are basically stimulus response machines. And we are not! Just because someone yells at me or mistreats me, I don’t have to mistreat them back. The counter condition of internal psychology is: I am not responsible for how other people treat me. I am only responsible for how I treat others.


Condition 2. External psychology believes that whenever I am upset or unsuccessful it is always someone else’s or something else’s fault. Human beings are blamers and we avoid responsibility for our part. The counter internal psychology condition we need to learn is that whenever something goes wrong or I am unsuccessful, I must look at what I am doing or how I’m thinking and change that and take full responsibility for my part in things. Unhappy ineffective people blame other people. Happy effective people self-evaluate!


Condition 3. External psychology teaches that whenever things go wrong or I am upset, not only is it other people’s fault but I go around wanting other people to change. The counter in internal psychology condition is whenever things go wrong and I’m upset I should change myself.


Condition 4. External psychology teaches that by the time I am a teenager I’m beginning to know what’s best for me. I start to individuate and become my own person and begin to choose my own friends, my own music, the people I want to hang with, and my sense of individuality. That isn’t the problem. The problem of external psychology in the fourth premise happens when I get this major insight that tells me not only do I want to know what’s best for me, I also know what’s best for other people. This is probably the most damaging premise of all because once you know what is best for other people and you shove it down their throat, they learn to dislike you more and more, thus you end up destroying the relationship with them. The internal psychology counter to this premise is learning that you only know what’s best for you and back off trying to think you know what’s best for other people – let them self-determine.


Condition 5. External psychology teaches that you are the house you live in, the car you drive, the amount of money in your bank account, the letters after your name, and your particular religious or political belief system. Internal psychology teaches that all you are is a human being. You have a right to be happy, a right to be here, a right to live the way you want to live but you are by no means more important than anyone else.


How these five conditions are practiced in your organization or on your team is self-evident. Below are the habits of external control where most people live their lives.


The most damaging of the habits is called criticism. Most people believe that there is such thing as constructive criticism. You have only to ask yourself the last time some person gave you some of their constructive criticism and you said, ‘Gee, thank you that was wonderful. Now I feel terrific and highly motivated.’ Criticism is a real fun killer because one of a human’s basic needs is to learn and criticism kills learning because criticism kills fun. Bobby Orr, in an interview with the CBC, commented about minor hockey not allowing kids to have fun. He indicated that coaches today put their own kids first, as their main interest. There’s a high-level of truth to that because of the conditioning of external control psychology.


The counterbalance to criticism is praise and catching people doing things right and giving them feedback after asking them if they want some feedback. Giving people feedback without asking their permission is disrespectful.


The next external control habit that people use in relationship is blaming. Human beings are blamers. We blame every time we are unable to really look and self-evaluate and be part of the solution instead of escaping the problem. Brent Sutter, making the comment that it’s got nothing to do with coaching, is again practicing external psychology. Coaching is definitely a huge part of the game.


The next external control habit is humiliation. People use humiliation to control other people. This is the essence of racism, sexism, and any sense of discrimination. The counterbalance to this habit is learning acceptance, it’s celebrating differences and allowing people to feel comfortable with what they value. In hockey, humiliation is used all over the place. Old-school coaching is about tearing individuals down and then so-called putting them back together. This philosophy is Neanderthal.


The next external control habit it is punishment. If punishment worked on criminals, institutions would be empty. Punishment deters cooperation, insight, and intelligence. You see this in the hockey world were coaches punish for losses using the old bag skate. Most old-school coaches find this militant mentality works because it satisfies their need for power and diminishes everyone else’s need for empowerment. Internal psychology teaches this: let the players determine where they have to improve and where the team has to improve and take full responsibility by generating practices that are fulfilling to the athletes, through discussions. Yes, believe it or not, the kids playing the game know more about the game than the coaches behind the bench. This is a hard reality for coaches the face. The coach’s job is to get the players on the team to buy into the game plan that he believes in, and using his best research of the teams they are playing, show the players he has the way to succeed.


The next external control habit is rewarding. Rewarding people to control them is the essence of how most people parent and coaches use to motivate. Rewards are often used within the business world and what ends up happening is people may like the rewards but dislike the rewarder. People or athletes get the feeling that the coach/manager is always dangling a carrot in front of the person’s face. The internal control habit is helping people identify one’s qualities to manage and creating environments that are need satisfying to build people’s sense of autonomy and skill. Learning or improving your skill set is its own reward.


The next external control habit is guilting. This again is often used as a means to gain control of people by getting them to do what you want them to do regardless of if they want to do it or not. Using guilt as a means to gaining what you want in a relationship will always cripple the relationship. The internal control habit is practicing self-evaluation through open, honest discussion that creates meaning and purposeful relationships and work processes to develop the skills, product, or situation analysis.


The next two external control habits go together – nagging and complaining. These external control habits destroy relationship but people often put up with them because they see the person as venting, which never corrects or changes the situation. People just tend to hide from people who are always venting or nagging. Nagging and complaining are just mental states that reveal a person’s lack of skill in coaching to address the immediate pressure in the situation.



If Canada wants to build a dynasty in hockey or if a team wants to become a dynasty at any level there are certain things that are a must.


  1. Train all people in understanding what external psychology is, how it plays out in the relationships with other people and the organization, and teach them a new psychology of internal control. This must be taught to every person within the organization. The people within the organization must commit to removing all external psychology language that shows up in boss management as a means to how they govern their organization.


  1. The organization must create a caring, safe, supportive environment that has the best interest of the people within the organization in mind. This means that the longevity and security of the people within the organization take the priority. You must rid the environment of fear and coercion. The easiest thing to do when teams are not performing is to fire the coach, or when the team is not performing trade players. This creates within the team the feeling of insecurity, and where there is insecurity and the survival need of people is threatened, you cannot create a dynasty.


  1. Meaningful, purposeful work has to become the forefront of every operation within in the organization. Accountability and improved performance have to being drawn out of the people within the organization in a way that builds relationship, support, and cooperation. The only way this can be achieved is by the people who are doing the managing practice internal psychology and remove all external psychology language and conditions from their daily practices.



  1. That open and honest discussion about quality and what quality looks like becomes the central theme within the organization. Nothing is acceptable but quality, whatever quality can be determined by at that time. This means that CEOs, GMs, coaches, and managers are responsible to create environments with players and employees to discover what quality looks like and how it is best achieved by constant improvement of the systems in place. Quality management is when coaches and managers all work to improve the system, never the employee or an athlete.


  1. Everything done within the organization always feels purposeful and helpful and good for everyone within the organization. There are very few teams that operate on all these five conditions but some teams do come close. In 2013 I did some work with the Detroit Redwings and I believe that the people running the organization understand internal psychology though they haven’t fully seen its necessity but it is behind the success of the organization.


The other difficulty with internal psychology is that it means that change has to happen from the top down. People have to really look and evaluate not only what they’re doing but how they do what they do and that brings about a revolution within the organization. People are terrified of change especially when they have to share power and responsibility with other people. The bottom line is that people don’t give their full effort unless they have power and responsibility in anything they do.


Let’s take a look at Wayne Gretzky, probably the most brilliant hockey mind that ever was. Wayne couldn’t coach because he doesn’t understand internal psychology. He really doesn’t understand how he pulls out of himself what he does and how he did because no one has ever shown him. If Wayne Gretzky understood more internal psychology and brought internal psychology to an organization, he would build a dynasty that would dominate the National Hockey League for decades. I would not say he would win the Stanley Cup every time but what he would do is put his team in a position where they could win the Stanley Cup and that’s what a good organization does, puts their team in contention. Internal control psychology clearly helps people and organization understand the factors within their control and also helps them to perceive the factors that are outside of their control and manage them respectfully. It would take approximately three years to turn an organization around completely and get them headed in the right direction practicing internal psychology. One of the most important facets of internal psychology is the realization that you can buy people time and skill but they have to give you their work ethic, passion, and creativity. Learning internal psychology coaches these three main ingredients out of athletes and employees but fear keeps most owners, GM’s, coaches, and managers in the dark ages.


The Heart and Soul of Affairs

July 5, 2012

Affairs happen. They are a part of human behaviour. As painful as they are, they can be a catalyst for a better relationship and a deeper marriage. If we are at all serious about our lives, understanding is a prerequisite for a loving, intimate, and sexually charged marriage.

Most people have affairs because there is too much external psychology going on in the relationship. External psychology is about trying to control the other person by behaving in such a way using criticism, humiliation, guilt, bribes, fear, punishment, or any other of the controlling behaviors to get them under your control. When a person practices these behavior habits they are shooting themselves in the foot and eventually will kill any intimacy within the relationship. Intimacy is the key ingredient in any relationship. It is about being sensitive and respondent too another in a way that seeks understanding and quality for both people or things in relationship to each other.

Women tend to seek intimacy through the process of communication of feelings and emotions from and in a relationship. They then feel they are loved and belong with that person. Men tend to seek sex as a means to having that sense of loving and belonging. This difference between men and women leads to them choosing to be critical with each other, which in turn kills all passion between the couple. The problem then is compounded because a man’s need for sex is part of his survival need and he finds it easy to have sex without any intimacy at all. Men sexually are visual creatures, and that is why when a man has an orgasm, his eyes are open. He is hardwired for this and then within moment after his orgasm he slowly opens his eyes and heart to the being women is. With his eyes closed it is an internal experience – the release for him is seen as pressure removed and he can then relax and get more emotional. Women, on the other hand, orgasm with their eyes closed – a very internal process. Then as it descends her emotions release and come to the surface. Here the man and the women are two very different creatures yet make up one whole.

It is that wholeness through sex or other challenges that real intimacy between people, men and women, breaks out. Notice please that I used the word “breaks out” because you can’t fake intimacy!  Without it one feels a great sense of disconnection between you and your partner and then this leads to the practice of external psychology and the habits that cripple the relationship.


Coach bri

We Cannot Face the Way We Are

April 9, 2012

One of our deepest psychological problems is that we cannot face ourselves the way we are. We refuse to see how our consciousness is in such a deep disturbing mess. We all basically know that because we are aware of the contradictions that exist in us. We want to be fit and trim yet we overeat and don’t exercise, or we exercise like a fanatic and eat all the foods that maintain our insulin levels high and therefore we gain weight. We smoke, we drink and we want to stop smoking or stop drinking, or we see ourselves being angry, violent, hurtful, hateful, and we want to be the opposite of what we are.

Our consciousness is in great trouble. We are so deeply disturbed because we see ourselves as individuals and take refuge in being an individual, when really, if you look deeply at it, we’re not individuals at all. The formation of our psychology, mainly external control, has all been imposed from the outside. If you ask yourself who you are, you can examine for yourself — you are who you believe you are and all of your beliefs have been imposed first from the outside and then you modify them inwardly.

You’re sitting in a room right now listening to me talk but you see yourself as the center of the room and everything around you physically is imposed by the distance from you to get in you, as every brain in the room is doing. Every brain in this room suffers from exactly the same psychological problems that every other brain in the room is suffering from and we’re not talking about it, we cover it up. Why do we cover it up? What’s the point in keeping it covered up? Because in so doing you get to hang on to your individuality or, to put it better, the illusion of your individuality.

Can we look a little deeper at this? Are you willing to look or are you already terrified by me because I’m not offering you anything? Part of our external psychology conditioning is that we have to do something to get something and if we don’t get something from what we’re doing then what we’re doing is useless, and how many of us want to be useless? Every person in the room is afraid to be useless. For every person in the room, the prime occupation of your life is finding a sense of psychological security and the past thousand generations of human beings that has been their occupation. If I am born in Russia, America, or Canada, the operation of my brain is exactly the same as it is in any one of these areas in the world. I don’t know if you see this. Most of you are terrified to look anew.

Years ago tribes clubbed themselves to death because of their different beliefs with bones, sticks, stones, and arrows. Today we do exactly the same thing but the tribes are now countries and the interest of the tribe is now the interest of the nation; the tribe who was aggressive and bullied and conquered other tribes is today the nation bullying and conquering other nations to satisfy their self-interests. Yes, their self-interest and that is the poison of each one of us in this room today. We are looking out for our own self-interest and that is why we see ourselves as Canadians, Americans, Russians, Germans, Christians, Hindus, Muslims, or Jews. We have all bought into that sickness and that sickness is the antichrist.

I am not selling religion. I have no religious or political affiliations. Anything that brings about a division between you and another is a poison in your consciousness that feeds your belief system and you then identify who you are with your belief system and because of that belief system your whole psychology comes out of that. And that psychology is the psychology of external control and how that psychology was formed is the same for every brain in this world. Every brain in this room took information in through their senses. If I was born in Russia, United States, or New Zealand, I took information into my senses. That information was my experience and that experience formed my memory, which became my knowledge. From there I then again experience that knowledge as a collection of images created by the process of thinking. And that is what we have bought into – you really believe you are your thinking. You really believe that what thought says about you and about others is true. You have bought into that you are Muslim or Jewish or Christian. You have bought into that you are American, Canadian, or Russian but you are not. We are one people, one planet, and the brotherhood of mankind. All those religions, all those political differences, all of those divisions of nationality, and all of their traditions are the very poison in your consciousness that keeps you as a separate entity and me as a separate entity that leads to war, that leads to the practice of external psychology, that poisons and is destroying this world. Every brain in the room is practicing it. External psychology is the psychology of the ignorant, the psychology of corruption and unless each one of us investigates the external psychology conditioning we have and brings about an end to it, your world, my world, the world will never live in peace. We will never know love; we will never know what it means to be loved.

We think we are individuals because we identify who we are with the things of thinking and every brain in the room does it, so how can we be individuals? It’s like taking a whole bunch of glasses and filling them with different colored water and saying all of these glasses are unique. In all of these glasses the content is unique but the difference is so superficial or simply a different color. Do you know what gives something its color? What it reflects. Things are the color blue or yellow or green because that object absorbs all the other colors except the color and it gives it off. That is why something is its color. So by analogy you will have absorbed a tremendous amount of someone else’s knowledge that you got from the outside and you claim to be you.

The most learned people in the world, with all their PhD’s, being well read, are masters at accumulating knowledge and that knowledge is absolutely useless for a human being to reach his or her potential. If you have all the knowledge in the world and know nothing of love you are nothing more than a learned ignoramus and you will corrupt everything you touch. External psychology is practiced in many ways but you know that your self is the construction of this external psychology. This self, which is you, is full of psychological suffering. In every situation the dominant need of this self is to be secure psychologically and because each person that makes up a tribe or nation is doing it, it identifies with that tribe or nation and because of its identity is willing to see itself as different than another nation and then it’s willing to kill to protect what it is at any cost and divide and conquer. This basically means do things my way or else! And that’s how most of us live.

This self-consciousness has a primary belief that somewhere in it there’s this spiritual element, this higher self, this godly creature, and because it cannot solve one of its psychological problems, it creates the illusion that somewhere in it there is a spiritual being or somewhere outside of it there’s a spiritual being. All the religions have this because self does not want to take responsibility for how distorted and messed up it truly is so it has invented a supreme being and all kinds of illusions so that that self doesn’t have to come to an end. Self is terrified of its own death and that is another commonality in this room: we are terrified of death. So for individuals, how do we use how we individual we are when we suffer from the fear of death? This self, with its external psychology, when it is in a situation with another human being in a so-called relationship and is unhappy, it always says it’s the other person’s fault. It always tries to find fault when it’s unhappy with someone or something outside itself. I’m sure we’re all doing that in this room too, aren’t we?

If you’ve been listening to this conversation that I’m having with you and you are disturbed by anything that I’m saying you’re going to blame me for that disturbance. That’s what we do. We never, when disturbed, go inside and look and see the source of that disturbance is and are passionate about. Only then can we end that conflict between me and you because that means you have to be responsible. The self, as it is when it’s disturbed in relationship with other human beings, then says I’m disturbed or I’m bothered and I’d be less bothered if you would change. So when we feel bothered we’re all about blaming the other person and then we want them to change when we’re the ones that feel hurt or miserable.

It is another human conundrum that what happy people evaluate is other people while happy people self-evaluate. Another part of ourselves that supposedly is individual, but it’s going on in every single one of us, is in human relationship when we enter conflict, often the source of that conflict is the simple fact that self really believes it knows what’s best for other people. You can see this clearly when two people supposedly fall in love, get together, hook up whatever, and in that process they really think they begin to know what’s best for the other person and they inflict this belief on them. We even have a term for it in marriage – we say “the honeymoon’s over”. It’s a simple fact that as we go through our lives – as teenagers we start to want to listen to our own kind of music, wear the clothes we want to wear, hangout with who we want to hang out with. You basically know what’s best but then soon, into our young adulthood, we start knowing what’s best for other people and we impose it on the other and the relationship falls apart, the marriage falls apart, the relationship between the teacher and the students fall apart, just because of that condition.

Then what follows, which is probably the most destructive condition, is the psychology of identity – identifying yourself with the house you own, the money in your bank account, your religion, your girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife, the ring on your finger, the car you drive, or the computer you have, defining who you are with the things of the outside. In the same way, you don’t see you are the faith in religion you have because you’ve been conditioned that way, you got that from the outside and yes, it seems like an internal movement but it’s not an internal movement. It’s a movement from the outside in and because it’s from the outside in and everyone’s doing it, it’s bringing about a tremendous fragmentation within our lives that always ends up in conflict.

There we are, living in a small little corner in our brain, practicing the habits of external control. Whenever this entity we identify with and which forms ourselves doesn’t get its way, the first thing it does is usually criticize other people. Yes, we’re even told that there is such a thing as constructive criticism, a very sophisticated intellectual approach to the problem. When I ask people, “When’s the last time someone was giving you some of their constructive criticism and you said to him that that was really fantastic, thanks a lot, I feel really good about myself now and you really opened up my life for me, I’ve seen the light?” When the self doesn’t get its way and external psychology is practiced it often humiliates to control. Another habit that it does is guilt people. And still another habit of external control psychology is punishing people and believe me, if punishment worked our criminal institutions would be empty! And these institutions are composed of over ninety percent repeat offenders! A lot of very intelligent people have learned the art of rewarding to control people. We could call them bribes perhaps. I’ve seen many intellectual programs use the reward system and what happens is people like the rewards but end up hating the rewarder and eventually the rewards don’t work in the business world and they become out of control and the employees hate going to work because they feel the pressure of this carrot that’s being dangled in front of their face.

Our lives are full of external control psychology in our so-called relationships and you see how much how many people nag a person or complain. These external control habits also destroy the very structure of relationship. When we go little a deeper with this and we look at the present state of the world, we now have a new Nazism and that Nazism is the brainwashing that’s going on in our schools and our families. The source of this is the external control that’s being practiced is psychiatry with the use of psychotropic medication. If I have cancer and I go to England, Ireland, Scotland, America, or India they can do a physiological test and they will see that I have cancer. But if I am unsettled inside myself because inwardly this external psychology is being practiced on me, and in my relationships, and I don’t have any good, loving, caring relationships, so inwardly I can’t focus at school. Therefore I can’t get along with people because I’m too emotionally torn up and I have a mental illness the psychiatrists call ADHD. If I’m so disturbed inside emotionally and beat up from the pressures of external control, and I don’t trust the adults anymore in my life, and I don’t give them authority in my life out of my own intelligence because I know how whacked out they are, then I get labeled with oppositional disorder. When you look up the definition of oppositional disorder, it basically means somebody who doesn’t like to be told what to do. And if I’m sensitive by nature and hurt and wounded and can’t find the love and care that I need in the environments I’m in because of my sensitivity, my brain goes into a creative state where I will invent people and worlds and voices that I talk to because my life is a living hell and these people we call schizophrenics or bipolar, another made-up illness by pharmaceutical companies with psychiatrists that are the next Gestapo.

Being on the psychotropic medications takes away a person’s ability to feel and when you take away a human being’s ability to feel you take away their creativity and therefore you’re taking away their humanity. And now we are creating generations of human beings that have no sense of morals, no sense of psychological pain who are able to inflict pain on others without any sense of remorse. And the reason being is that these pharmaceutical chemicals are getting into our genes and doing a tremendous amount of damage.

You can easily see that you have a creative system when somebody like a friend of yours in a situation in which you are so utterly embarrassed because of what they said to you or did to you that you cannot think of a comeback. You’re like a deer in the headlights of a car and you don’t know which way to move, you’re completely blindsided and when the human brain has felt that type of challenge, eventually, when you’re walking home, or after you sleep on it, what comes to your mind is the perfect retort. That is your creative system, and these drug companies and psychiatrists are taking it away from you and we’re letting them.

External psychology sees itself as the center of the universe and by living in and through that psychology we never reach our potential as human beings because there is a different psychology and the world knows this. The difficulty is that everyone is trying to get to that internal psychology through the already existing external path thinking has created. This external psychology thinking is responsible for this external psychology and thinking thinks it can think its way out of it. That’s why the self is always looking for some type of experience, isn’t it? Some religious experience, some noble experience, some enlightening experience, because self is always after experience because experience is the only thing that self knows. It doesn’t see that the experiencer is in the experience — it doesn’t see that self is anger, self is theater, there’s no me separate from fear – I is fear, I is hurt. But I/self is always trying to bring about a division between what it actually is and what it feels, therefore it thinks it can think its way out of its problem, but it can’t. Thinking is a limited thing, put together in time. Please just think of this for a second. You learn the alphabet through time, you learn the sounds over time, and you learn letters and words over time. Everything that’s put in to you all— the religions are formed by words, which are all products of time past, present, future. It’s all thinking put together by time, itself is a product of time. That’s why self has difficulty with death because death is the unknown and self is the known and if our minds are not free of the known, we can never touch something deeper and richer, which is real intelligence, love, and compassion. Most of us have only bleeps of that in our life and then self moves in and says “I hope for more of those movements” and the very essence of hope is again hope to change self, which is again a product of time because hope is always the future.

I’m getting a signal that we’re almost out of time so I want to be able to wrap up this conversation. There is a movement deeper and richer than the movement of self and time in the brain. That movement cannot come about by practicing any method that thought has put together, be it yoga, meditation of the East or the West, Bach flower remedies, gems, psychoanalysis, all of these things that are systems, are all put together by thought. But what was put together by thought cannot lead you out of thought; it only strengthens thought.

I am not a Christian but I believe there are things in all the great religions, when you separate all the man-made garbage in them, which are pointing to truth. Religions are not a path to truth because there is no path to truth; there can’t be a path to a living thing because it’s always moving. Christ has made the statement that before time was I AM. I believe he was pointing to a movement outside the field of time, a completely different consciousness that is free of all experience. We cannot think ourselves to this consciousness but what we can do is end this self-consciousness, this external psychology that is crippling us and harms every relationship we practice it in. This may be of use to you or it may not be, I apologize for my ignorance!
Thank you.

Please, if you don’t mind, don’t clap. I haven’t come here to talk with you to entertain you. This is a serious matter and a deeply profound matter, something to wake up to the tragedy and ignorance of our lives. Very few people are interested and you’ll quickly make this into some entertainment because at any moment the wolf that is the to self will devour the lamb.



Coach Bri


To Lead An Inspired Life

November 18, 2011

Most human beings today are bored to tears with their lives. They are sick and tired of all the crises on so many levels. We are fed a bill of goods from the very beginning and as we age we seem to assimilate every possible egocentric position in every stage of our development. Humankind has lived with so many psychological problems in every generation. At the root of these problems humankind has tried, since the dawn of time, to find some psychological security in something that he has created out of his fixation with matter and energy. We impose on our children the psychology that has been practiced on us by our parents called external control, or stimulus response, or cause and effect. Whatever name you give it, humankind, able to solve technological problems, has not solved any of his inner psychological problems. Resolving these problems is the only key to the kingdom of happiness.

Throughout the ages human beings have created, out of their internal problems, the society in which they live. The within always becomes the without. To put it another way: What you are inside becomes the environment you create on the outside. This has and will always be a truth or fact for all of humankind. We are all a collection of fear, greed, hatred, violence, prejudice, resentment, loneliness, and contradiction, with moments of compassion, love, and understanding, which are found scattered in each individual’s life.

We live as individuals in our presentation to others but actually we are not individuals at all. The word individual means all one, whole, and we are far from that and that is why history is always repeating itself. Yet every generation thinks it is going through this life as if these problems are unique and authentic. What a shock it is to find out that your ego-self is thousands of years old. (By this I don’t mean reincarnation, as that is just the Eastern world’s way of coping with the unknown, as heaven is to Christians.  This psychological need for security has been humankind’s main occupation.) Therefore we really have no authentic experience or self at all. Psychologically we are carbon copies of our ancestors, with different technology – that is all.

So the problems your great ancestors had are your problems and very few people are interested in psychological change. Just see the fact that whenever you are disturbed emotionally you practice external psychology on yourself or others because you refuse to put away your conflict with yourself or the other. Man has made conflict and struggle the purpose of living and most people never question it. If you want to have an amazing life, one must begin where one is. That is hard to face because everyone around you, from your parents and teachers, to your minister and shrinks, are telling you that you must become something, you must progress, struggle, and fight to find happiness. That definition of happiness is according to their and your conditioning, which you modify out of your own brutality and confusion. To find your way and be seen as successful in a world that is violent, competitive, and corrupt is not success at all.

Have you ever noticed that when you really want something and you get it, you eventually lose interest in that thing? If it is a person, you eventually will destroy them and they you, and you exist only through the images that thought creates in order to find your self-centered insecurity. Then all of the energy, passion, and compassion between you is gone. Sex runs your relationship in middle age and in the later years you will lead a life of frustration.  Where there is frustration in any relationship there is resentment and control.  Then we chase the next thing to distract us from own pain caused by our own disconnected state.  This growing dissatisfaction as you age is the state that most people are in and that is why as they grow old they lose all passion and vitality for life.

To have a great life is to be inspired and to learn about what is inside you and outside of you and your relationship to them. To study your own behaviour and see how your own egocentric activity will get in the way of relationship is the flowering of love and compassion. That is why in these matters of inner revolution, the journey of humankind, a person must have no authority of any kind. One cannot trust a psychiatrist, guru, minister, or priest. They are all products of conditioning.  They study some old knowledge of what others have said and choose what they agree with and then analyze you. Never has the world been in greater psychological danger than in this present age.

To find yourself in all of this madness and to lead an inspired life is to question the whole structure of one’s psyche and one’s place in society. A person must be willing to live a different kind of life that is free from all intentions of external control psychology and carve one’s own path. This means, however, that the person must be willing to stand alone. That aloneness is not loneliness.  Loneliness comes out of one’s own sense of being isolated. The process of isolation is created by the very separate nature of thought that created your ego-self and all its demands to be entertained. Just look around you and see how many people have to be drunk or stoned in order to cope with their painful lives of isolation. For most people the weekend is time to cut lose, get hammered, and get numb to the pain of life. How can such a person ever find inspiration through drink or drugs?

To wake up to this is to see that you are acting as the generation before you acted. This generation just starts all the vices at a younger age and because of that they think that is freedom. If one has children one wants to end all war for ever. One wants them to grow up and live a sober life with inspiration and love. A person who is crawling from pub to pub is not taking their life seriously.  To be serious means that one is meditating all the time. True meditation is not sitting quietly and becoming some fictional character of one’s own self making, or to get away from the world to get in touch with oneself. You don’t have to go away or practice anything, be it silence or chanting, which is a spirituality imposed by the self.

In front of you daily is the demand to be in relationship with people and material things. It is here and the external psychology that we practice must be set aside to end all conflict. We must question and hold these questions so that one is in a state of learning all the time. Not learning about how to earn a better living but how to live without any conflict within and without. This is the greatest crisis and challenge facing humankind.  This journey we share is at the root of our consciousness. To remove all external control is to come to a movement inside one’s self that is truly an internal movement. We have forgotten how to see and instead attach our self to a country, flag, religion, family, or club, which is identification with external psychology. This seems internal but it is not because it is imposed from the outside, as all images are.

To care about all this is to set aside all images of oneself and others and face what one is at all times without any judgment. The entity that judges one’s self or another is the heart of the deepest core of conflict. When one is greedy or hurt one is greed or hurt. Self tries to create the illusion that you, the self, is a different entity from the greed or the hurt but you are not.  To observe this movement of greed or hurt as it is happening and watch how it creates the division between the two is the act of meditation. Only then can the machinery of thought that started external psychology that is self is put to death. In the ashes of external psychology a new movement is born.  A truly internal movement is. The whole of nature is in that movement and to be touched by it brings meaning and purpose to one’s life and then one is inspiration itself.  Thought, with all its cunning movement, is put to death. That inspiration is love, intelligence, and compassion, and happy are those that it comes to.



Addicted to Our Sense of Importance

July 12, 2010

Human beings are like pudding stones. We are filled with a large range of behaviors, attitudes, intentions that are maintaining us as self-serving. We want to be famous, respected and revered. We are addicted to our own sense of importance; therefore in all things we are indifferent to the needs of others and this leads to the practice of external control or the need to control others. To have control over another is a sign of our own shallow intoxication with our self. The need to exert that control creates every form of conformity and violence and the egoism of oppression. Removing all external psychology is the greatest challenge in our life. This is very difficult to do because all of society is organized with external psychology. We are taught to identify with the things created by thinking, therefore we think we know what is best for others, how they should change, and we spend our life reacting and therefore keep ourselves in conflict with someone or something. We don’t want to realize that we are in a prison of our own desire, and desire and its pursuit keep external control in operation.

Desire for anything is a process of thinking and what desire promises never lives up to its promise. The more one develops an appetite for anything and feeds it, the more one can never find satisfaction. There is no internal desire put together by thought. Internal desire is a movement of how we feel in the moment that indicates to us if the behavior we are choosing in this moment is good and helpful to us or painful and detrimental to us. Internal psychology is a process that holds thinking in its place. Thinking out of its place has created all this conflict and the disconnection that happens in it. We can always practice.

Coach Bri

A Question

February 23, 2010

I was thinking about what you have said at Friday night group, and I had a flash of what I think may be that order you were talking about. What I saw was that I have been raised in a so-called religious home. But when I think of all the external control applied by my parents I feel that the level of criticism that I received and now practice on my family is what you say is my disorder. I think I see this. My son acts out of his disorder and I add to it. Do I have this correct?

What is the disorder you practice on your son?

Well, it is the same as I practiced on my husband! That anger and frustration!

Yes but are you not the anger and frustration, which is the fact of your disorder?

Yes, so what do I do now? Practice internal psychology, right?

So what do you do in your anger and frustration?

As you have said a thousand times, I choose a behavior that kills the relationships so I am caught in the thinking mode and I have to act it out on someone.

Can you see that choosing a predisposed position is one action that again reinforces the thinking process and external psychology?

I don’t follow that! Do you mean that practicing an internal psychology is also part of disorder?

No, I don’t think you can willfully practice an internal psychology.

I don’t understand. Can you make it clearer?

One must come to terms with something!

And that something is?

Your brain, my brain, is caught in a web called consciousness. It is made up of a self and every person has a self. Self is a product of memory, which is caught in time because self is a product of experience.

Ok I get that! Self is a group of experiences that I gather in the brain as memory. But I have a sense that I have aged and am wiser now than I was 10 years ago!

Yes but you’re not!

How do you know that?

You just have more knowledge about your self but you are still caught in your animal instincts and sustain them by using thought.

Okay I am more sustaining now than I was when I was 20.

Yes, true, but that is proof your not wiser!

I don’t get this then!!

Yes I know! Look at it! Or don’t look – the choice is yours.

No I want to look at it! It is just you piss me off so much.

Yes I know!

See! So you’re doing it on purpose!

No! You are angry now with me, right? Or your son or husband right?

Yes! Yes!

Who is it that is angry?

My self at your self!

So is your self different from your anger?

Yes, there is anger then there is me, my self acting out the anger!

What if you is anger!

Me is anger? I don’t get that.

You see, external control psychology has built the self out of memory. Self is a bundle of memory stored in the brain called self.

Okay, I see that and I guess it sounds right!

This sense of self is formed from the outside!
If I asked you, who you are, you would say what?

That I am me!

And who is you!

I would say I am a Canadian, a mother, a wife!

Yes and where did you learn that?

I guess from my parents!

Yes, but partly from your environment or society.


And that is external from you!

What do you mean by that, “external from you”?

Well, you were conditioned to think you are Canadian.

I am a Canadian!

Yes, when you accept who you are governed by the external thinking. If you were born in the same place 500 years ago, would you still be a Canadian?

Of course I would!

Canada didn’t exist as Canada 500 years ago. The land did but not the conditioning called Canada.

Yes, I see what you’re driving at! How about my beliefs?

They are all put in you then you modify them to suit your experience.

Yes, but I have a belief about the universal energy and reincarnation! That is real!

Real yes, but untrue.

What do you mean? It is true to me. I live by it!

Yes each person lives according to his own belief! But why? Why is believing so important to us? To you or any human being?

Because it gives life meaning?

Okay, how? It only gives you a sense of false security!

Look I believe what I believe and I have the … damn…

Right to! And that right gives one a sense of security, no?

And what is wrong with feeling secure?

Well isn’t the demand for security a sign of insecurity!

Okay I think I see that?

Think you see that? Isn’t every problem you have with your husband and son you looking for security and if they only did what you said, lived how you want them to, there would be no conflict?

Yes okay, I see it! I see it! I get it!

What is it you get?

When I have problems with them we are in conflict and I see I’m the source of that conflict. I get that when my belief is there for them my self is there. The feeling of anger and frustration is the self, which is me in action.

Yes, now what can you do about that?

I don’t know? My life is this!

Yes it is! Now can I see that trying to change in any way is to avoid my inner ugliness and the fact that me, anger, frustration is all one clump of self or ego. So if I try to do anything to self, to change, is the wrong approach. This is self judging self, trying to get out of self, which strengthens self!

You know I think I do that! Strange as it is! That is my life.

Okay, so see the fact and remain with the fact that the self-centered movement is one movement. Fear is self, hurt is self etc. You can’t do anything about it. If you do you are creating more conflict. If you are willing to end all conflict, self and its beliefs no longer fuel external psychology and one comes upon a deep movement not the product of the self. That movement brings order and that order is a new beginning.

I have lots to think about! Thank you!!!

You’re welcome.

Coach bri