Relationship Renovations Training-October 25-26-27

May 2, 2013


Coaching Athletes from the Inside Out

April 29, 2013

Coach Bri: Hi Coach, how are you doing today?

Coach2: Not so good Coach Bri, that’s why I have come to see you!

Coach Bri: Well what seems to be your struggle today?

Coach2: I’m so angry because we didn’t go to the second round of the playoffs and I believe we are a much better team than the team we lost to!

Coach Bri: Well maybe you were but you’re not now!

Coach2: I knew you’d say something like that!

Coach Bri: When did you think things began to derail or go pear-shaped?

Coach2: Well that’s what I’m here to figure out. I really have no idea!

Coach Bri: Okay let my friend I’ve known you for years and you’ve been coaching for years so I don’t but we need to rethink this!

Coach2: That’s why I’m here, I want to understand what happened!

Coach Bri: Okay, when did you start noticing a change on your team or in your team?

Coach2: That’s just it I’ve been racking my head about this and I can’t figure that out!

Coach Bri: Overall the players on your team, who are you most disappointed about or disappointed with?

Coach2: While I really am not sure, there are three or four guys that I don’t think played very well!

Coach Bri: When did you notice this, was it during the playoffs, that series?

Coach2: No, it was the last game of the series in the first round!

Coach Bri: Okay, what happened?

Coach2: It was our final game in the first series, what I remember is one player in particular showed up late. Now I have had many run-ins with this player during the season for his tardiness. I thought I had managed the situation very well and then he does this!

Coach Bri: What is the best you’re referring to?

Coach2: Well he’s always a kid who always pushes the limits on everything and I have to always stay on top of him and he was really playing well for us in the first five games!

Coach Bri: Okay what did you notice?

Coach2: What do you mean what did I notice?

Coach Bri: Hey, this is an old problem it sounds like you’ve done quite a great job with this kid but during the playoffs something happened?

Coach2: His attitude was changing and I knew it!

Coach Bri: So, what did you think when his attitude was changed?

Coach2: Oh shit, I remember thinking I don’t want to upset the apple cart now let’s just get through this round and everything will be okay!

Coach Bri: Now I’m going to ask you this question and I need you to answer it honestly do you think you can do that?

Coach2: Yeah I know what question your going to ask me? Who am I really mad at right?

Coach Bri: Wow, it’s close enough I was going to ask you: who are you choosing to be angry with?

Coach2: Well what you taught me my first response is I’m pissed with the kids but the fact is I’m really angry at myself!

Coach Bri: That is great self-evaluation. Tell me about being angry at yourself.

Coach2: I knew that this kid was having problems. He’s high-maintenance, he’s been a problem all year! But he has also been the player that made the difference all year, we couldn’t have won without out him!

Coach Bri: Are you sure about that?

Coach2: Yes, in those big games he was the one that always came through and set up the winner or scored that game-changing goal!

Coach Bri: Ok, so what have you learned?

Coach2: I think I made the choice to stop coaching him! Now I am angry because he knew it, I know it and I even think the team knew it!

Coach Bri: So what tells you that?

Coach2: I know I dropped the ball because that day he came in the dressing room the 2nd game of playoff I knew something was going on in him! And I didn’t do what I normally do was pull him out after the game and find out what it was!

Coach Bri: So, what were you thinking about?

Coach2: Just Winning!!!!

Coach Bri: So, what do you think the message was that you sent to him?

Coach2: Well winning matters more than him! But it does, doesn’t it!?

Coach Bri: I’m sorry I can’t answer that question for you! But I can ask if you were to do something different what would you have changed?

Coach2: I know where this is leading but I have a right to coach the way I want?

Coach Bri: You sure do! But what has happened on this team when you have used internal psychology with them and removed all the external control habits?

Coach2: Why am I pissed right now? I just want to say screw this I hate coaching and quit!

Coach Bri: Well isn’t that what you did? In some sense anyway?

Coach2: Yes, I know your right!

Coach Bri: Hey, I don’t want to be right coach! We are in this together. We started something with this team and you are and I were excited about it, and so were a lot of people. You did a great job but you know and I know that wasn’t enough!

Coach2: I get that! I’m just thinking how throughout the year you have been talking to me about quality and building an environment where they get it’s safe, and we care about one another and in a flash it can all come tumbling down, like a house of cards!

Coach Bri: Yes, but what would you have done different?

Coach2: Another thing that I am pissed about is the captain of the team asked me if I want him to talk to him. Then I said no! I told him I would and I didn’t. So I lied to him!

Coach Bri: Yes you did. Why ?

Coach2: Because I was afraid to upset the hockey Gods. No really, it was because I thought that addressing it wouldn’t be the right thing to do at this stage! You know winning and all!

Coach Bri: Can I ask you a question?

Coach2: Sure, but I am worried about what it is!

Coach Bri: What has been the main thing you have being working on all year with this team?

Coach2: Making sure we, in all situations, define quality and work towards it!

Coach Bri: Ok, so now you are telling me that if you were managing a company and you have this product it has taken you all year to turn it into a quality product but the day you are putting it on the market you notice a major flaw, you launch it anyway! And hope for the best!

Coach2: I wouldn’t have a job long if I did that! I get your point!!

Coach Bri: So what  would you have done different?

Coach2: Why do you keep coming back to that damn question?

Coach Bri: I can ask it another way? What did this situation teach you?

Coach2: Well, it taught me a lot of things. It reinforces how important environment is-all the time, it tells me about constant improvement, it tells me about taking responsibility for what I do, and the importance of relationships in all situations no matter what!

Coach Bri: That’s fantastic my friend, we have come a long way!

Coach2: I think I need to go back and do some more training. This stuff is a lot deeper than I thought. There seems to be all kinds of layers to this internal psychology.

Coach Bri: Yes Coach, we’ve scratched the surface!

Coach2: Thanks so much for your help Coach Bri. I like the fact that I can always be authentic and pull out the bullshit with you. This sure is challenging!

Coach Bri: Yes, but you love it! It’s all about the quality of the relationships.

Coach2: Touché

Parenting is One of Life’s Blessings

April 29, 2013

Parenting is one of the greatest things we do as human beings. Parents truly have a chance to really make an impact in this world. However, parenting is such a difficult task that very few people want to do it or can afford to do it because they have to work to earn a livelihood. There is nothing more need- fulfilling, that I can think up, then when you have a successful relationship with one of your children.

In my life I am blessed with four amazing kids, however, I trusted my wife on how to raise those kids because of the background that I came out of. There was a lot of external psychology practiced by my parents on us five children in the form of corporal punishment or violence. Every time you use corporal punishment as a means to discipline, you are instilling the fear factor into your children. Any relationship that is based on fear is basically corrupt, disconnected, and ends up disrespectful. When the person you fear is around, you kind of walk on egg shells. You are very careful as to what you say or express.

Power-tripping people, like authority figures who use their power as a means to control others, use the psychology of external control in most of all of their life with the people in their life. The difficulty is when you parent this way, by the time your teenagers start becoming teenagers, they often rebel so strongly to gain control they put themselves at risk. Being a family counsellor for over 30 years often you see the same scenarios of parents who partied really hard when they were young and had very poor relationships with their parents. Now they come for counselling because their children are out of control and are partying, breaking rules and asserting their independence and the parents often want to kick them out. The situation often goes like this:

I ask them this question: “When you were young what was your relationship like with your parents?”

Response: “Well it was terrible. I didn’t like them at all!”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Response: “They were always so controlling and on my case!”

Me: “How would you describe the relationship you have with your child?”

Response: “Well it isn’t very good!”

Me: “What isn’t very good about it?”

Response: “Well they don’t listen to me, they don’t follow any rules and they’re partying too much!”

Me: “So what do you do when they break the rules and don’t follow your direction?” Response: “Well we end up in a huge fight and they usually go do what they want or storm out of the house!”

Me: “When you were a teenager, how did you deal with your parents criticism and telling you they knew what was best for you?”

Response: “Well I think I do know what’s best for my children because I’ve been through all this I know what it’s like to party get in trouble with the law because I’ve done it I know!!!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I didn’t ask you that question, my question was how did you deal with your parents criticizing you and telling you they new what’s best for you?”

Response: “Well I told mine to fuck off and I left home at 17!”

Me: “What’s your relationship with your parents now.”

Response: “We don’t have a relationship!”

Me: “So is what you are doing helping you to get closer to your kids and have a better relationship or is it pushing you guys farther apart?”

Response: “Well I guess farther apart!”

Me: “What do you mean by you guess?”

Response: “Okay, farther apart.”

Me: “Are you interested in changing that?”

Response: “That’s why we’re here!”

This is where I stop the counselling process that I use. The point is, so many parents go to counsellors in order to get their children externally controlled. They often believe that the counsellor has some kind of magic that will force the children to behave in a way that the parent wants them to behave. What the parent doesn’t see is that most of your behaviour is caused by impaired relationships in a person’s life where they can’t satisfy their psychological needs and are in some type of pain. As parents it’s our job to stay connected to our child all the way through their life so they want us in it. I counsel a lot of seniors in old-age homes that are so miserable because their family has nothing to do with them because of the external control psychology they practiced with them as children.

There is hope however, and that hope is that we can learn a new psychology of internal control. I have given my life to this and I see how powerful it is when people practice internal psychology and the relationships in their life improve. External control psychology is the psychology that runs most of our schools, most of our businesses, most of the coach-athlete relationships, and unfortunately most of our marriages. This damaging psychology is the source of all the mental illness in our society. Once you teach people who suffer from mental illness a new psychology they are able to satisfy their needs more effectively and they give up their mental illness. To most people this is an absolute shock because the medical world is trying to establish a scientific basis for behaviour by creating the myth of chemical imbalance in the brain. Fortunately, there is a tremendous movement within the American and Canadian counselling association, a body of psychiatrists, psychologists, and counsellors that are now speaking out against the pharmaceutical industry.  Finally, we are exposing the myth of chemical in balance and mental illness, and the pseudoscience of behaviour that psychiatry and pharmaceutical companies have produced for the sake of profit. You only have to go to YouTube and look up psychiatry the hoax or psychiatry and pharmaceutical companies and you can see a host of information exposing this scam.

Parenting is one of the greatest opportunities we have in our life. We develop and nurture our children’s character when we practice internal psychology.  This internal psychology empowers people with choice while also empowering them to learn and embrace failure as a means to success. External psychology empowers towards self-destruction because it is used on children to dominate and humiliate which destroys their character.  People who have no character live a life of fear and anxiety because they have not developed the internal strengths or internal processes to learn from mistakes. How sad is that that our children can’t make their own mistakes learn and grow.



Internal Psychology and Building a Dynasty

April 24, 2013

I have been coaching teams for over 35 years. One of the most difficult things to understand is why, in most situations, the coach, the GM and the owners don’t understand the complexity of building a dynasty. Dynasty-building isn’t something that is controlled by external forces; it is completely internally driven by the people in the organization all the way down to the coaches, players, trainers and even the people who sell tickets, the ushers and the people selling refreshments.

The goal of any business is to make money by providing a service or product that is of the highest quality at the lowest possible cost. In the area of providing entertainment, especially in sports, you are trying to sell fans an authentic, quality experience. The only way you can do that, game in and game out, is to make sure that the people providing the experience, from GM to athletes and all people involved, are on the same page practicing a psychology that is authentic, empowering and connecting.

Humankind has been using a faulty psychology of external control as a means to become successful. The psychology will offer some success in many areas but it takes tremendously strong people to be able to withstand the damaging effects of the psychology within any organization. Eventually what happens is you get people in the organization that are the axiom of external control and people no longer want to work with them, so they stop performing or look for work elsewhere, which is again very costly to an organization.  I have been training teams and organizations with internal psychology and it does create enormous problems with in an organization. The biggest problem of all is that it exposes the people within the organization that our boss managers.  These boss managers practice the five conditions of external control that end up damaging all the relationships within the organization, eventually leading to failure. These five conditions of external control are interwoven in the psychology of external control where we practice the behavioural habits that are the source of the dysfunction and the motivation killer.

If I were to ask anyone a question about where in their life they have had the greatest success that is long-lasting, most people would say with their best friends. Now why is this so? Is it not because when you have a best friend the psychology you practice with that best friend is a psychology that connects you to that person? Your best friend is a person who doesn’t practice any external psychology on you whatsoever and it’s the habits of external control that would poison the friendship. The reason why someone is your best friend is because they do not criticize, humiliate, blame, punish or reward you in order to control you. If you go to a best friend and you have a problem when you give them the information about your problem they don’t jump down your throat- your information isn’t a stimulus to them. Therefore you feel listened too. When you’re having a difficult time, your best friend doesn’t blame you for your misery. They may ask you questions and help you sort that out. A good best friend never tells you how you have to change they ask you what you would like to change. Best friends rarely know what’s best for you, they always help you discover what you think is best for you and they provide the support you need in order to test it out. Best friends also don’t take the credit for your good choices, they put all that credit on to you and are often proud of you for what you’ve accomplished.

When I teach internal psychology to teams it doesn’t take long before the athletes come to this level of empowerment because they truly understand what human performance is from the inside out. They also begin to see that in any situation regarding human relationship there are choices that take you towards being a better team and choices that take you to becoming a disconnected team, and disconnected teams fail.  In everything that human beings do, the success of what they do is determined by the quality of the relationships with the people they are doing it with. Most human beings in any job they do, they do it because the money they receive satisfies their needs to survive in the world in a way that is with their own comfort zone. If you are apart of a professional sport, the window to earn a livelihood is often very small and therefore, survival is on your mind more so then a person you is who is in a steady career. Because the window of opportunity is very short, it is more important for coaches and GM’s to change the psychology from external control to internal control, because it fosters the relationships needed to provide a high-quality, authentic experience for the ticket payers. Teams that can provide an authentic, intense sport experience will often engage the audience in ways that get people to get behind their team.  The importance of relationship is astronomical.

Like a good marriage there is nothing more satisfying than to be in a relationship with your employer where both people are happy with the level of empowerment, which provides a quality experience for the ticket holder. Who wants to work hard for a person who criticizes them, blames, nags, humiliates, centers them out, or continually knows what’s best for them?  Who wants to work for an employer that doesn’t have their best interest in mind? In helping one small business in the community with a scheduling problem, I suggested that the employees make up their own schedule and they did. It empowered employees to get along, work together and figure it out. Within a short period of time the scheduling issues disappeared.  Learning internal psychology is a difficult thing to do because we are so deeply conditioned when things are not going right in our life to practice external control. But we can learn something different and if you do your organization will thrive and your level of happiness will increase, because the new way of doing things will satisfy more of your basic needs.


Conflict and the need for change

April 18, 2013

At the heart of every human being there is the fundamental need for change. The only problem is this change within our consciousness must come about through the process of insight. Most human change that happens now is the same as it has been in our past; we seem to only change in the field of technology.  For example, thousands of years ago there was the wisdom of the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, Copernicus, Newton and then up to this date Einstein, Feynman, Bohm, Bohr and, of course, Stephen Hawkins. It is quite evident that humankind is willing to shift theory and technological matters. From the fact that I began this article on a smart phone instead of a painting in the wall of the cave, one can see the linear progression within technology.

However, for as long as we’ve been on the planet, the most difficult thing for human beings to do is to get along with each other and stop all the wars, the hunger, the deception of our politicians, the self-interest of multinational corporations, our own personal greed and violence with each other.

When we speak of human beings needing to change that change that is needed is deep within us. We know the ails of being greedy, violent and self-centered, yet each generation repeats the same pattern of the generation before it in an enthusiastic fashion. We still cannot solve the riddle of how to get along with each other. One of the institutions that is supposed to bring about some sense of stability within human relationship is marriage. Marriage is now at a divorce rate of close to 60%.  In the past 50 years we have had genocides that parallel what Hitler did in World War II and response to these genocides has been minimal because they happened in places where US or less powerful nations had other interests or no interest. Our school systems are loaded with kids that are dropping out at phenomenal rates and education is becoming something only for the wealthy. In my work in schools in Canada and abroad, the relationships between the educators and students are full of conflict. Education has become a process where the education is about fitting in to the economic environment and not about developing the whole or total person.

In the area of mental health, the client patient relationship is now determined by pharmacology. This is probably the greatest dehumanizing process humankind has faced in his evolution. When you convince people, without any science at all, that they have brain disorders that are physical in nature and convince them that they need brain chemicals to fix their disorder, you create a travesty deeper than the Holocaust itself.  My wife and I, running a group home from 1995-2012, dealt with children referred from many children’s aid societies that came with long diagnoses and all kinds of brain drugs. Once we got the kids off the brain drugs and away from psychiatrists things seem to improve in their lives and we were able to teach them some internal psychology that allowed them to heal themselves and make better choices.

Another important area that proves humankind’s level of deterioration is parents’ inability to get along with their children through creating environments for them where they feel loved and have a sense of autonomy.  A large aspect of my family practice is counseling families with teenagers that are out of control.  In most cases, the psychology that the parents practice on the children and the psychology that the children practice back on the parents is the root of the difficulty.

Another important component of living your life is finding a place where you can work and earn a livelihood. In the workplace most managers or bosses practice external control psychology on their employees, which brings about great unhappiness within the relationship.

Relationship seems to be the cornerstone of humankind’s existence, but unfortunately we are having tremendous difficulty bringing about relationships that are free of all conflict and that nurture and create a level of effectiveness that works for both people.

We can’t seem to get our heads around the fact that society is human relationship in action. We have divided the world into the world of the ego self, and the outside world at large, and then add the spiritual world somewhere either out there or inside us.

This ego self is made up of personal content that one receives from the outside world, such as your culture, family, your name, or the environment you were raised in. It is this content that gives you a sense of who and what you are. It is all put together by the psychology of external control. For example, you have beliefs and values and your own contradictions within them, and therefore as human beings we are at war with ourselves. We seem to live a contradictory life- we want one thing at one time and then behave in another way that contradicts what we say we really want.

You can see this more evident in the outside world because everyone seems to want peace in the outside world, but everyone behaves in a way that sets up conflict. Through the clash of ideas, the class of culture, the clash of beliefs, the clash of values, the clashes of identification, all of this constitutes one bloody big mess.

Then, the next thing we do is to become romantic and philosophical and bring into existence some supreme being outside the real world- a world of the spirit, a world of God, or some supreme human being that is going to fix all the planet and fix all the problems of humankind.

Every human being has a center. If I were to ask you who you were, you would tell me, “I am Canadian” or, “American” or, “Russian,” and that is based on outside knowledge that you have a simulated. If I asked you to tell me about yourself, you will identify yourself with the knowledge you have gathered from the outside. That knowledge contains your political views, your religious views, and all the content of the things that you value that you have gathered from the outside world. The self that is you is in fact in your life suffering from the basic human problems that we all have like fear, loneliness, jealousy, hatred, prejudice, violence, and conflict. And so far, you have not been able to solve any of your personal problems in relationship. They always come back and will come back to haunt you. You have not changed fundamentally and therefore, humankind has tried to invent a system outside of itself called communism. Not being able to find a new psychology, we have shifted our attention to solve the problems in the outside world and we haven’t been able to solve one problem in the outside world regarding human relationships. The ego self, being in the state of disorder and realizing it cannot change itself and its own psychological problems, tries to fix the world outside. We have failed miserably at trying to fix the problems in the outside world. The fact is that we can’t co-operate with each other to fix the problems in the outside world, so we invent a spiritual entity and look at that for change. Man’s greatest deceit is his fixed position of self-inflicted misery within himself, the outside world, and the hope in God.  Hope is sowing seeds of change so that we don’t have to take responsibility for our lack of relationship with each other, the earth and ourselves.

So the questions become how do we really change ourselves and where is the crisis that needs to be changed? That crisis is within our own consciousness. That consciousness is the content of who we are, and what we think we are is put together by the thinking process itself. Thought forms an entity called self, in this self is the all-important fragment of our consciousness that is superior to all other fragments within our consciousness. It is because our consciousness is fragmented that we have developed a world that is fragmented. Humankind really believes that with the right type of knowledge mankind will be able to live peacefully. But that is one of our greatest delusions. Knowledge is not the saviour of our fate; it is the cause of our misery. We have more knowledge now then we never had, and all that knowledge does is maintain our division and disconnection.  We are divided inside ourselves because we have identified who we are with the syncing process and the true existence of our being is not a thinking process, it’s a feeling process-an awareness process. Knowledge prevents awareness and handicaps us to observe and face the challenge that is relationship. Because we are divided within ourselves and in conflict within ourselves, we manifest our external world based on the same conflict. The world inside me becomes the world outside of me and the movement between the two is the misery of my condition. All human beings are caught in the never-ending cycle of trying to change. Yet all my life experience in relationships comes to the same point where I feel and live into the lack of relationship. It is the feeling that my life goes on smooth sailing then some how I am back disconnected to the people and relationships in my life that I want and need.  Then, being frustrated with my inner life, I tried to change the world outside of me. Then, when it becomes completely pointless because the outside is too massive to change, I invent a relationship with a self-invented God. Whatever image I have of the divine, it is created by the think process, which is the self.  The ego self, as in each generation before, has invented some utopia to end the inner conflict, but it only increases it. Each individual self refuses to see that his consciousness is put together by the content of thinking. That content of thinking is the cause of all my conflict in any relationship. The same process occurs in the world outside of us- the content of my thinking is in conflict with the content of someone else’s thinking and this process leads to division and violence. The fact is, I have to ask myself a fundamental question: if my content of consciousness is to change how will it change and what will bring about that change? Humankind has been trying to change human consciousness forever through the effort called will. These are the ways of the self. Something that creates conflict and self does so because it’s put together by thought. Thought can’t be the thing that ends conflict. Where there is effort there is will and that will is the result of resistance within consciousness. The ego self is always trying to be about a change within itself, but it cannot. To see this is to give up trying to change and become a witness to what is going on inside of oneself and face the music of the disorder of thinking. Only then can there be a new movement unrecognizable by thought and self.

Every generation blames the one before!

January 16, 2013

Internal psychology

If you are to ask yourself what is the difference in a person who is really happy and person who isn’t what would your answer be? How do we know that we are any happier or less happy than the generation before us? What is this thing called happiness? One fact is for sure that when you are happy you don’t sit around try to find reasons why you are! You are simply caught up in that state of being! To understand happiness and how elusive it is I think we have to turn away from it and begin to understand what is human misery. When are we most miserable in our lives? Well I’m a human being and when I’m most miserable or unhappy it’s because I cannot get along with people in my life the way I want to and need to. Those key people are my wife and children close friends. It seems however i am able to stay happier with my friends more so than with my wife and children, for some reason my friends are easier to get along with. Maybe this is because they don’t live with me and have to put up with all my faults. But there’s also something else going on. And I wonder if anyone notices!


When you look at a human being there are two movements going on. One is a movement that is brain-based and the other is a movement that is mind based. The source of human misery is linked to conflict in our lives. And I believe that this conflict in our life is directly related to the activity of our brain. When we are unhappy is because there is a conflict going on inside of us and we have harmed or someone else has harmed a relationship that we or they find very valuable. They harm that relationship by choosing to behave in such a way, that disconnects people from each other for all kinds of “reasons”. One of the most ridiculous things we do in our life and it happens everywhere is whenever there’s a crisis or something drastic or even something good happens to a person, we take this mystical approach that “things happen for a reason”. What the hell does that mean? Of course everything happens for reasons, known or unknown but that’s not the point. When we harm a human relationship it is because we are practicing the brain psychology of external control. This external controlled psychology is the downfall, the fallen state, the poison that is the source of our psychological pain. You and I have been so deeply conditioned by external psychology that we are unaware that we practice it, strengthen it, and it cripples us.


All the past generations have blamed the previous generation for all the mistakes they have made that are causing the present generation their problems. We do not see that 5000 years ago human beings psychologically suffered from the same problems that people today suffer with. The common denominator between  human beings 5000 year ago and human beings today is the way we suffer psychologically. If you look in your life you have the greatest difficulty getting along with the people in your life the way you want to and need to. When you’re able to do that you’re pretty happy, but when you’re not your life falls apart you lose all sense of meaning and purpose. This is the power of human relationship because we are gregarious creatures we want to hang around other people and celebrate life with them. We can’t seem to do this as a nation nor could we do it as a tribe. They were always tribes fighting other tribes like other  nations fighting other nations.  Each person regardless of which generation had a psyche that was ruled by fear, greed, inadequacy, loneliness, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and so many other emotional states. These emotional states are all the products of thought.  When thought is worried about the future it’s in a state of fear. That fear breeds greed that greed breeds insufficiency or inadequacy that feeds our psychological insecurity and then we become aggressive or depressed. If you become aggressive that leads to greater social problems. If you become depressed that leads to a different set of problems. Depression is the emotional state, where people will engage a depressed person to see if they can help. But the aggressive or violent emotional state disconnects people further, because all people are generally afraid of angry aggressive people. But what’s really important to remember is that all these emotional states are created by the process of thinking which is a movement in the brain. This brain has been conditioned by external control psychology and is thousands of years old. We are actually living with a very old brain that is dominated by thinking.




The other part of a human being is the process called mind! When we are in our right mind we are practicing a different psychology. This psychology is the psychology of relationship, intelligence, compassion, love. The difficulty is is you just can’t get into this psychology or into your right mind through any action of thinking. It takes a very different  approach to create the environment for mind to act. The brain with the use of thinking creates all kinds of illusions about oneself and everything around oneself. It is the master of illusion and the Eastern world calls it the ego mind, but it’s not part of mind. We have been conditioned from childhood to give thinking and that movement of the brain tremendous importance. Giving thinking the importance we do we have created identity with the thinking process and most people think they are their thoughts. But you are not your thoughts you are much deeper than your thoughts. I want to use a metaphor to bring this out. Your brain is nothing more than a bundle of memories, some connected and some not as connected. Imagine an ocean and the content of the ocean is the water and energy passing through the water creates waves. That is what your brain is like! The memory cells are a material process and energy passing through the content of memory cells creates thoughts. Most of us can steer our thoughts in many directions. But if you are unhappy because of a broken relationship or relationships your thoughts are in chaos and you can’t stop yourself from thinking in any direction. This doesn’t mean you have a mental disorder, like the pharmaceutical industry wants you to think! Because when you are happy and getting and giving the love you need from the people you need it from your thinking is not as hard on you.

So the question then becomes is there on an alternative! I believe there is but first we have to understand the state we are in or more important the prison that were in the prison of the brain. The important part of this is to break all allusions about oneself, and understand the process of what external psychology is an dismantlement through that understanding. This I will talk about in the next writing.



The time to regroup

January 16, 2013

I have not written in some time, it’s not that I have been busy or had something else better to do. The true reason is I was taking the time to do a lot of reassessment. To take my own inventory and look at all my external psychology that I practice and feel the misery and the loneliness of the human condition. Because I am significantly learning-disabled, I always have to get someone to look over my work and then I have to get them to correct my spelling mistakes. Writing is such a difficult thing for me to do and it takes a tremendous amount of energy to do it. And most the time I find myself writing for myself anyway because I don’t find that there are too many people very interested in internal psychology. Now I have a new Dragon dictate program and I think it will be of greater use to me. So I will begin writing more, please forgive my absence if there’s anyone out there that gets anything out of all this. Even if I am writing for one person it makes this worthwhile. Now I’ll be able to do it more independently and not burden Peter with the work. While if I get stumped off still have to use Peter.

Counselling Course at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine

March 8, 2012















more information at

Coach Bri YOU ROCK!!

March 8, 2012


My team just returned from the Ontario AA Provincials as Champions!!

Despite going in as #1 seed we suffered many challenges through the round robin and almost missed the semis.

With the help of your teachings the athletes and coaches cut the nonsense and got back to being the great team they are powering through championship day and emerging as victors.

We will represent Ontario at Nationals. The difference really is “between the ears” once athletes reach the elite level. Proven once again.


Ron Vermeltfoort

Head Coach

Team Ontario Junior AA Ringette




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Article on coachbri in Denver Post

February 16, 2012

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