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The absence of love is fear!

June 12, 2015

As a high-performance coach I have the opportunity of working with many professional athletes. One of the most difficult challenges they face, is how the very things they love gets poison. There’s never an adequate definition for what love is. But what we can find out is what love isn’t! When I am speaking of this love I am not speaking about the love of external things. In order for there to be love there must be a two-way relationship if there is not if it’s one-way it’s pleasure. Love is not pleasure! The essence of love is relationship! False Love is basically a one way relationship. You can say I love my house, My car, cookies, ice cream. Whatever you do, love that can’t have a relationship with you will be of the ego self and eventually create conflict and suffering. What gives us the most pleasure will give us the most pain and a one way relationship is based on pleasure. Think of any psychological suffering you have in your life, and you will see what  gives you a tremendous amount of pleasure always leads to pain. The pleasure you get from it is something you become attached to and then in that attachment you FEAR losing it which isn’t love. The psychology of external control is a psychology based in fear because trying to control other people psychologically creates fear. When you try to control another person you are doing so because in your life you feel out of control. Being out of control you focus on things and people outside of you and practice criticism, humiliation, blame, guilt, and many other habits to control people. Human beings throughout history cannot come to terms with the flaw in external psychology. We all know this basic truth but refuse to see that when we are  unhappy it is because of a relationship in our life is in trouble. We make it about everything else because the fear of  seeing that truth create the  psychology that is preoccupied with evaluating others. When you look at how hard it is to change your self and you face that you come to terms with another truth the impossibility of changing others. This loss of power in their life,  often creates the cycle of doubt therefore  having little or no confidence to meet life  challenge. The next thing sphere does to justify its righteousness is to create the sorrow of self-pity. Most people lives in the sorrow of their own self-pity because they do not want to be responsible for changing their own behavior. All throughout history you can easily see that our greatest challenge facing human beings is our inability to get along with each other. Our daily relationships are filled with conflict insecurity and anxiety creating fear because feeling inadequate we choose the psychology of external control. When I’m working with many professional athletes it is amazing how the very tools that got them to the highest level they give up, because they can’t please the coach. Giving up on themselves entering the cycle of doubt they get caught up in their own self-pity and this kills the love of the game. Being  disconnect they often practice external psychology and push people away they need which leads to a character meltdown. This is often when so many athletes sleep around on their partners turned to drugs, alcohol  gambling and then I’m called in to help them put their lives back together. The greatest problems are not the drugs alcohol gambling or affairs the greatest problem is there disconnectedness from the people in their lives they love want and need. This state disconnectedness create the cycle of anger or depression which leads to the state of self-pity which is the source of all fear. In this state of self-pity we have tried hard to change other people and it doesn’t work and then we’re caught in greater self-pity. When you have love and you’re doing anything out of that love you’re full of passion creativity, and enjoy what you’re doing because one gets some sense of meaning and purpose which fuels our confidence. I Skype athlete from around the world professional soccer, cricket , Australian footy, NHL hockey players. The common denominator in all of these people is when they’re in the state of fear they Not only do harm to themselves, and teammates, they also poison the relationships with the people in their life they love and need the most in their personal lives. The source of all happiness which is our mental health, is the ability to bring all our total energy into the moment. In this moment we are connect to what we are doing is our way that we are able to respond adequately to the challenge before us. When you’re in a state of disconnectedness you are continually reacting to information taking it personally and acting out of one’s self pity which creates conflict and strength fear. When there is this connection there’s a deep sense of love and whatever action you do out of this love is a innovative movement. That movement bring it own order in the mind because it is  efficiency and effective action without regret. Love strengthen relationship which is the ending of fear between any single or group of people. In order to end fear, one must understand it.In that very understanding is the movement that ends fear! Helping athletes and organizations integrate this in their life opens the athlete, the team, the organization ,to unlimited possibilities.

 

Coachbri

 

 


The Happiness Trap

April 23, 2015

What is it that each human mind is looking for?

Humankind for centuries has gazed up at the stars has sought religion, politics, crystals, tea leaves,yoga, astrology etc…. Why? Since the dawn of time we have been trying to find out if there is something deep and lasting and true. Have we not been looking for something to assure us to equip us, with the feeling that we’re okay we’re safe. Most human beings are occupied was trying to find some type of security or gratification. Unfortunately for most of us pleasure and the avoidance of pain is at the root of our existence. We are all caught in a very miserable condition, the inability to have relationship! Therefore we are constantly caught in the cycle of unhappiness and then seeking a way out of unhappiness to only be caught in another psychological insecurity that lets us down and throws us back into our miserable state of confusion , insecurity and anxiety. Then for most of us dealing with the pain of relationship and in adequacy in ourselves return to drink ,drugs and entertainment. We spend so much time distracting our self by reading everybody else’s book or theory and refused to read our own book which is our behavior in relationship to others and material things. And then for most of us we get caught up in the biggest distraction of all the spiritual. Start creating false realities of supernatural existence because we do not want to face the lack of relationship and purposelessness of our own existence. When we face the pain relationship with other human beings and ourselves as well as our relationship to material things we feel a deep sense of superficiality an insufficient. Driven to the state by own lack of understanding we begin to seek God and or some refuge in some teacher, guru , therapist, or philosophy. We never really face the fact that the seeker and what he is seeking is in fact the problem and is the entity that needs to be understood. In order to move beyond ego-self, ego-self must be fully understood with all its chicanery images and expectations. What we do not realize is that this damaged was done in the early years and all the way through our lives.These were reinforced by the key relationships in our life as well as ourselves because most of us have been raised in an external psychological environment. Very few people are interested in their own transformation Unfortunately most of us are never given the opportunity to confront it until later on in life when we are totally distraught and let down by the people in life who are supposed to protect us and love us. Then when the breakdown happens we again look to them rather then examining our own mind and heart and see that very situation we were afraid of we have created. How disconnected you feel is an expression of how disconnected you are they are one in the same. For most human beings this is a shock because they do not see the damage of external control psychology in their life! Because the very parents and siblings you have were also crippled with external psychology. They to had little chance of surviving and freeing themselves from the misery of external psychology that was created by their parents and added to by themselves. Each one of us is doing life and is caught in the incoherencies of the psychology of external control. Raised in an alcoholic family as I have been and suffered through some sexual abuse those incoherence these go even deeper . When the ones you want love from or are supposed to give you love and care and support plus choose alcohol drugs etc it hurts! But the main thing that distorts your perception of who and what you are and who and what you’re looking for. These people who raised you are at the effect of own distortions caused by their pain of external control. You learn to create a world that rejects you and you constantly set up situations in your life the reinforce your not worth loving. What I hope I am conveying to you is that we have all experienced abuses one way or another but it amounts to the same thing. Everything thought creates within the field of consciousness which makes up your psychological self is the common denominator of everyone’s misery.
The miseries in our life keep coming back to us because of the significance we give to our thinking! The self who and what we is always the seeker of happiness. Happiness cannot be found in any direction self takes because it is a byproduct of loving connection! Love exists only when there is freedom from the thinking process itself. Seeing clearly your relationship to someone and something is based on the thinking process will always be a living hell. Relationship begins when one lets go of the thinking process and the totality of it, because in that process is anger, resentment, judgment,fear,insecurity hatred and violence. That very process is where we live our lives and then we get upset when that’s what we end up with! We are all caught in the matrix of our own confusion created by external psychology, no one can lead you out of this process it is your journey and very few people are interested in all this! Most human beings are chasing pleasure therefore increasing pain! That is also another story that self lives in. True happiness is not based on motive it is the result of a loving connection and the flowering of self-knowledge which is wisdom. Self-knowledge is not an accumulative process it happens in relationship and the ending of external psychology and all the pain it causes.
See you Friday night or Not!

brian


Friday Night Group – article in the Goderich Signal Star

April 22, 2014

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coachbri I am in a difficult place full of anxiety, I can’t seem to get my mind out of this negative thought process can you help?

January 27, 2014

 

When you see that your mind is fragmented and it is always looking for new angles and new things to think up, your mind will continue to be out-of-control. You yourself must take full responsibility for your own internal life. What is the difference to be preoccupied with one problem of sex or another problem of whether you love Your girlfriend or whether you want to your sport  or thinking you’re a turnup. The whole futility of existence is created by thinking, thought moving in any direction is pointless and self-centered but it is the only thing that thought knows to do. This is the prison in which you are caught. The only way out of the prison is to see that trying to get out of the prison is the problem. To understand that you are the maker of the prison in which you yourself are caught is awareness that awareness is the ending of the prison. Most people believe they are their thinking process they identify who they are with their thoughts. Obviously you are not your thinking process just because you think you are Wayne Gretzky that doesn’t make you Wayne Gretzky. Thinking is always cunning and clever.  If I told you to stop thinking about pink elephants right away the only thing you would be thinking about is pink elephants. Thinking has it’s place only in technological matters and solving technological problems. The fact that thought is always chattering shows us that we have no space inside ourselves to understand ourselves and  in a confused state. Thought has built the prison of it’s own making called the self. That self is the accumulation of experience memory and knowledge stored in the brain that is always active and moving. Whenever one pays full attention to the thinking process without trying to change thinking slows down and will stop. Please do not take my word for it, try it and sees what happens. In the observation of thought, thought stops! To listen profoundly to what thought is doing and at the same time be aware of what is happening outside of you is the beginning of meditation. That meditation is the actuality of being present to what is happening within and without. You cannot practice this because any practice of this is just an action of thought to keep itself active, and the root to all of our problems. The art of awareness is to constantly be attentive to the fact that you are not aware, so that every thought as it arises is seen for what it is it’s origin it’s flowering and conclusion. Only when is the brain quiet so that the mind can act. That mind is not a personal mind, that mine is universal uncontaminated by the thinking process available to everyone. Very few people are interested in all this because they have to give up all of their assumptions and beliefs to discover a single truth. That anything thought creates is disorderly when it is outside the field of technology.


Every generation blames the one before!

January 16, 2013

Internal psychology

If you are to ask yourself what is the difference in a person who is really happy and person who isn’t what would your answer be? How do we know that we are any happier or less happy than the generation before us? What is this thing called happiness? One fact is for sure that when you are happy you don’t sit around try to find reasons why you are! You are simply caught up in that state of being! To understand happiness and how elusive it is I think we have to turn away from it and begin to understand what is human misery. When are we most miserable in our lives? Well I’m a human being and when I’m most miserable or unhappy it’s because I cannot get along with people in my life the way I want to and need to. Those key people are my wife and children close friends. It seems however i am able to stay happier with my friends more so than with my wife and children, for some reason my friends are easier to get along with. Maybe this is because they don’t live with me and have to put up with all my faults. But there’s also something else going on. And I wonder if anyone notices!

 

When you look at a human being there are two movements going on. One is a movement that is brain-based and the other is a movement that is mind based. The source of human misery is linked to conflict in our lives. And I believe that this conflict in our life is directly related to the activity of our brain. When we are unhappy is because there is a conflict going on inside of us and we have harmed or someone else has harmed a relationship that we or they find very valuable. They harm that relationship by choosing to behave in such a way, that disconnects people from each other for all kinds of “reasons”. One of the most ridiculous things we do in our life and it happens everywhere is whenever there’s a crisis or something drastic or even something good happens to a person, we take this mystical approach that “things happen for a reason”. What the hell does that mean? Of course everything happens for reasons, known or unknown but that’s not the point. When we harm a human relationship it is because we are practicing the brain psychology of external control. This external controlled psychology is the downfall, the fallen state, the poison that is the source of our psychological pain. You and I have been so deeply conditioned by external psychology that we are unaware that we practice it, strengthen it, and it cripples us.

 

All the past generations have blamed the previous generation for all the mistakes they have made that are causing the present generation their problems. We do not see that 5000 years ago human beings psychologically suffered from the same problems that people today suffer with. The common denominator between  human beings 5000 year ago and human beings today is the way we suffer psychologically. If you look in your life you have the greatest difficulty getting along with the people in your life the way you want to and need to. When you’re able to do that you’re pretty happy, but when you’re not your life falls apart you lose all sense of meaning and purpose. This is the power of human relationship because we are gregarious creatures we want to hang around other people and celebrate life with them. We can’t seem to do this as a nation nor could we do it as a tribe. They were always tribes fighting other tribes like other  nations fighting other nations.  Each person regardless of which generation had a psyche that was ruled by fear, greed, inadequacy, loneliness, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and so many other emotional states. These emotional states are all the products of thought.  When thought is worried about the future it’s in a state of fear. That fear breeds greed that greed breeds insufficiency or inadequacy that feeds our psychological insecurity and then we become aggressive or depressed. If you become aggressive that leads to greater social problems. If you become depressed that leads to a different set of problems. Depression is the emotional state, where people will engage a depressed person to see if they can help. But the aggressive or violent emotional state disconnects people further, because all people are generally afraid of angry aggressive people. But what’s really important to remember is that all these emotional states are created by the process of thinking which is a movement in the brain. This brain has been conditioned by external control psychology and is thousands of years old. We are actually living with a very old brain that is dominated by thinking.

 

 

 

The other part of a human being is the process called mind! When we are in our right mind we are practicing a different psychology. This psychology is the psychology of relationship, intelligence, compassion, love. The difficulty is is you just can’t get into this psychology or into your right mind through any action of thinking. It takes a very different  approach to create the environment for mind to act. The brain with the use of thinking creates all kinds of illusions about oneself and everything around oneself. It is the master of illusion and the Eastern world calls it the ego mind, but it’s not part of mind. We have been conditioned from childhood to give thinking and that movement of the brain tremendous importance. Giving thinking the importance we do we have created identity with the thinking process and most people think they are their thoughts. But you are not your thoughts you are much deeper than your thoughts. I want to use a metaphor to bring this out. Your brain is nothing more than a bundle of memories, some connected and some not as connected. Imagine an ocean and the content of the ocean is the water and energy passing through the water creates waves. That is what your brain is like! The memory cells are a material process and energy passing through the content of memory cells creates thoughts. Most of us can steer our thoughts in many directions. But if you are unhappy because of a broken relationship or relationships your thoughts are in chaos and you can’t stop yourself from thinking in any direction. This doesn’t mean you have a mental disorder, like the pharmaceutical industry wants you to think! Because when you are happy and getting and giving the love you need from the people you need it from your thinking is not as hard on you.

So the question then becomes is there on an alternative! I believe there is but first we have to understand the state we are in or more important the prison that were in the prison of the brain. The important part of this is to break all allusions about oneself, and understand the process of what external psychology is an dismantlement through that understanding. This I will talk about in the next writing.

 

coachbri


People Helping Other People in the Trenches of Their Life.

April 13, 2011

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Training for Social Workers and Caregivers

Unhappy people evaluate others, happy people self-evaluate.

Human potential plus training workshops are designed to draw out the deep wisdom of the participants within the group.

Through this integrated learning style the participants within the workshop will improve on their level of effectiveness in the coaching and counseling process. All participants will be exposed to the internal psychology model and process of behaviour that will help them integrate past learned experiences with new knowledge in a variety of milieus.

This training unfolds the necessary requirements in a safe, supportive and challenging way that enables people to self-reflect, self-evaluate, communicate and share their insights with the group in a highly interactive experience. Drawing on the wisdom of the group and the process of feedback, participants learn new, effective ways to deal with difficult situations with clients, coworkers, and significant others. This is a life training striving to help people be more effective in satisfying their basic needs and helping others to satisfy theirs, leading towards a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness.

This two-day training addresses the following areas:

1. A new look at human behaviour

2. Connecting and disconnecting

3. The two psychologies of helping

4. Building environments for success

5. Caring through self-evaluation

6. The internal process of change

7. At the heart of addiction

Schedule

Day 1

8:30  to 9:00      Welcome

9:00 to 10:30     How We Perceive

1030 to 10:45   Break

10:45  to 12:00  Invitation Verses Disconnection

12:00 to 1:00 Lunch

1:00 to 2:30   Building Environments for Success

2:30 to 2:45  Break

2:45  to 4:00 Working the Process

Day 2

8:30  to 9:00      Welcome

9:00 to 10:30      Recap

10:30.to 10:45   Break

10:45  to 12:00   Role Play

12:00 to 1:00 Lunch

1:00 to 2:30    Role Play

2:30  to 2:45  Break

2:45 to 4:00   Debrief


Love is a Radical State of Being

November 4, 2010

Howick-berries 20101023-00079It was a great warm day for October. The leaves performed a ballet in the gentle wind. The beauty of the colors in such high contrast took one out of oneself for some time. I felt the woods and how it spoke to me. The cords of my heart were strung so softly, reminding me of the beauty of death and the release of love.

Everything in nature reaches its potential. As they die the leaves change color and beautify the landscape.  Even the evergreens look more majestic intermixed with all the maples and oaks and shrubbery.  As the seasons change the intelligence of the earth is tireless and without any self-concern. It takes what we throw at it and will cleanse itself of all our abuses. This truly is love. Love is never about acquiring someone or something, it simply is.  It is never full of duty or expectation. It is an overused word and underplayed in action and will always be so when love is the result of the thinking process. One can’t think oneself to love and the jealous, the greedy, and the powerful can never know her.

Love is a radical state of being that cannot be found in anyone’s vision of will or practice. As a person seeks to practice mindfulness (the propaganda of the present day) it can never bring about the state of love. Mindfulness can bring about a more orderly society, which is much needed. But that state of mindfulness is but a shadow of the thing that is love and therefore mindfulness is limited.

Once the leaf is cut from the source, the tree, it falls to the ground and dries up.  One can’t come to love through any practice, for the entity that takes up the practice is the same entity that creates all the disorder in oneself and the world.  The death of the ego self is the only thing that brings about order, and that order is death itself. Only in death is there true transformation and renewal. That renewal is the leaf that falls to the forest floor without any drama or self-assertion. The leaves and their death are food for the next generation born out of decay and the ashes of time. Death is everywhere, in any moment we can not only die a physical death, but that is the natural state of things.

Howick-seeds 20101012-00055Psychological death is what is behind all the spiritual movements but they have tied themselves to the chain of rituals, traditions, and ceremonies in order to bring about a sense of security. Love is the living movement of wisdom and the glue of truth. That movement is venerable and completely insecure and never do the two ever meet. To sit in the forest and watch the life of it and see that I am the intruder, opens the mind to something beyond the petty little self the I is. Like the tree that drops its leaves in the fall, we need to drop all that self is, not looking for an outcome of something better. For the vain pursuit of self is always to become something more powerful, more aware, more loving, or more enlightened.

As one moves out of the stillness and benediction of the forest, self seeks to claw its way back up from the cavern of my brain.  Self’s job is to kill attention through being inattentive. A human being is the only thing on the planet that takes thought and gives it qualities that it doesn’t possess. When we are inattentive to thought all disorder begins and sustains itself. If each thought is cut from the source, thought loses all its importance and the brain is silent with itself because it is empty. That emptiness is a renewal and in the ashes of that death something new is and happy are those who find it.

Coachbri


Friday Night Group: If you’re looking for something to take with you when you leave, don’t bother coming

September 22, 2010

Friday Night Group has been going for about 15 years now. The group is formed by people who are interested going beyond the limitations of the self and thought. Most of them have seen through the conformity of beliefs, personal and religious. We question and purpose of illusions that the mind is caught in, and is creating, that make our minds petty and small.

Most of humanity is caught in the illusion that we are separate beings, doing separate actions, living separate lives. We are afraid to see that we are all one consciousness. Yes, one big thinking machine. We all employ thought to set up and determine our reality regardless of what it is. Thought on its level is the thing that has created what we are, how we see ourselves. Thought gives itself all these amazing qualities, one being that it is eternal.

Thought can’t handle that it is a process of memory, gathered and modified and is a movement from the past, through the present to the future. Thought want to be timeless and knows that it is not but can’t handle the truth of it. So what does it do? It attaches to anything that has any sense of nominal presence. So it created the entity called self. Self is at the center of all our problems and it reinforces itself by creating solutions.  The only problem with that is that whatever solution it makes, it causes other problems because it sees itself separate from the problem that the self has created.  Take for example fear. Fear is self thinking about the future and trying hard to get guarantees of its future. By doing this it keeps chasing its own tail and giving itself the feeling it is has a life that is permanent.

Friday Night Group is about the dismantling of self and all realities created by thought. It is the action not based in time. Every night is a challenge to let go of all one’s preconceptions. Yes, empty the mind of all the things self takes refuge in! This is real meditation and the whole universe is involved in it.  Humankind is the only species that is outside this movement of meditation.  Self’s reaction to this is to go and sit and meditate, to connect because it perceives its own disconnection.  You can’t ever connect to the universe because you are already connected. Self is the disconnection to the universe so any willful practice to connect is self again trying to fix the problem – it is self-created. We are on a journey and questions must be asked and held. To arrive is to fix the mind again in an illusion of its own making.

Coach Bri


Meditation and the Friday Night Group

March 5, 2010

The day was bright and full of promise. One could feel the warmth of the spring sun on one’s face. Climbing on the maple trees were small sap flies – a sure sign of warmer weather. The flies seemed to stay close to the tree but every so often they would spring to life and hover around the dark creviced bark. The little bugs were more active in the sun. They seemed to delight in its energy and then they landed again and remained perfectly still.

All of nature seems to operate as movement and rest. The whole universe is in a state of meditation. Meditation is deep, radical, and therefore profound. Any time the human mind makes contact with the movement deeper than itself there is instant order. That order is a true internal movement. Very few human beings are interested in the movement that offers no reward or significance to their self-centered egos.

At Friday night group, we all come with a tremendous amount of baggage, of opinions, ideas, and self-centered projections. The significance of Friday night group is established when people are willing to let go of their point of view and find the necessity to empty all of one’s preconceived notions and ideas to enter a state of dialogue. The dialogue is in itself free from all personal intentions and is a simple movement of discovering an action that can free the mind from having the thinking process as the dominant function of the brain.

In order for this process to be discovered, one must first address all the external psychology dominating their brain, which is the source of all conflict. When the brain is caught in any contradiction, trying to become something that it isn’t, or trying to achieve a self-projected result, it is a source of disorder and human misery. The intent of Friday night group is to give people a chance to think together, which means the ability to address our human disorder in the personal realm that is responsible for global disorder.

Human beings do not want to see that the soul they have is the creation of external psychology. This means any imposed morals from the outside are not moral. The immoral is a movement from the outside, rules or laws imposed to keep us on a moral path. Why can’t we face the fact that we are immoral? Yet we cannot choose who we love; we can only choose the behavior we use to express that love. It follows then that we can only choose the behavior to also express hatred, prejudice, fear, anger, anxiety, agreed etc. Very few people are really interested and see the significance that one’s daily problems are the problems of the world.

I am sure you have heard that saying, “To be in this world but not of this world”. I understand this to mean that even though one thinks, the thinking process is used by something much deeper in the human mind. Therefore thought or the thinking process is a functional process dealing specifically with material in the physical world. Thinking is made out of material processes in the brain. Any process, however grand or so-called sacred, is just an expression of external psychology. The art of dialogue is a group of people, two or more, willing to set aside everything they know and look at things for the first time. This process of emptying is to live in the present and no guru, book, tradition, or ritual can bring about a state of mind that
is internal, orderly, and not practiced. If one sees the disorder that they are caught in completely, the perception of that disorder is the action that is internal psychology. Happy are those who find this.

The shadows from the trees on the snow grow longer as the afternoon deepens; a few squirrels have come down from the tree to check me out. Their inquisitiveness and their hunt for food is impressive – they seem to move in an attentive state. That level of attention keeps them alive and in a relationship with their environment. If only humans could apply that same attentiveness to the doings of thought! Then we too would be in a state of meditation where psychological problems are not. Friday night group is a place where psychological problems end. In that ending there is a new beginning to bathe in that emptiness is to understand the significance of nothingness. In the universe nothingness is holding everything together.

Coach Bri


A Question

February 23, 2010

I was thinking about what you have said at Friday night group, and I had a flash of what I think may be that order you were talking about. What I saw was that I have been raised in a so-called religious home. But when I think of all the external control applied by my parents I feel that the level of criticism that I received and now practice on my family is what you say is my disorder. I think I see this. My son acts out of his disorder and I add to it. Do I have this correct?

What is the disorder you practice on your son?

Well, it is the same as I practiced on my husband! That anger and frustration!

Yes but are you not the anger and frustration, which is the fact of your disorder?

Yes, so what do I do now? Practice internal psychology, right?

So what do you do in your anger and frustration?

As you have said a thousand times, I choose a behavior that kills the relationships so I am caught in the thinking mode and I have to act it out on someone.

Can you see that choosing a predisposed position is one action that again reinforces the thinking process and external psychology?

I don’t follow that! Do you mean that practicing an internal psychology is also part of disorder?

No, I don’t think you can willfully practice an internal psychology.

I don’t understand. Can you make it clearer?

One must come to terms with something!

And that something is?

Your brain, my brain, is caught in a web called consciousness. It is made up of a self and every person has a self. Self is a product of memory, which is caught in time because self is a product of experience.

Ok I get that! Self is a group of experiences that I gather in the brain as memory. But I have a sense that I have aged and am wiser now than I was 10 years ago!

Yes but you’re not!

How do you know that?

You just have more knowledge about your self but you are still caught in your animal instincts and sustain them by using thought.

Okay I am more sustaining now than I was when I was 20.

Yes, true, but that is proof your not wiser!

I don’t get this then!!

Yes I know! Look at it! Or don’t look – the choice is yours.

No I want to look at it! It is just you piss me off so much.

Yes I know!

See! So you’re doing it on purpose!

No! You are angry now with me, right? Or your son or husband right?

Yes! Yes!

Who is it that is angry?

My self at your self!

So is your self different from your anger?

Yes, there is anger then there is me, my self acting out the anger!

What if you is anger!

Me is anger? I don’t get that.

You see, external control psychology has built the self out of memory. Self is a bundle of memory stored in the brain called self.

Okay, I see that and I guess it sounds right!

This sense of self is formed from the outside!
If I asked you, who you are, you would say what?

That I am me!

And who is you!

I would say I am a Canadian, a mother, a wife!

Yes and where did you learn that?

I guess from my parents!

Yes, but partly from your environment or society.

Okay!

And that is external from you!

What do you mean by that, “external from you”?

Well, you were conditioned to think you are Canadian.

I am a Canadian!

Yes, when you accept who you are governed by the external thinking. If you were born in the same place 500 years ago, would you still be a Canadian?

Of course I would!

Canada didn’t exist as Canada 500 years ago. The land did but not the conditioning called Canada.

Yes, I see what you’re driving at! How about my beliefs?

They are all put in you then you modify them to suit your experience.

Yes, but I have a belief about the universal energy and reincarnation! That is real!

Real yes, but untrue.

What do you mean? It is true to me. I live by it!

Yes each person lives according to his own belief! But why? Why is believing so important to us? To you or any human being?

Because it gives life meaning?

Okay, how? It only gives you a sense of false security!

Look I believe what I believe and I have the … damn…

Right to! And that right gives one a sense of security, no?

And what is wrong with feeling secure?

Well isn’t the demand for security a sign of insecurity!

Okay I think I see that?

Think you see that? Isn’t every problem you have with your husband and son you looking for security and if they only did what you said, lived how you want them to, there would be no conflict?

Yes okay, I see it! I see it! I get it!

What is it you get?

When I have problems with them we are in conflict and I see I’m the source of that conflict. I get that when my belief is there for them my self is there. The feeling of anger and frustration is the self, which is me in action.

Yes, now what can you do about that?

I don’t know? My life is this!

Yes it is! Now can I see that trying to change in any way is to avoid my inner ugliness and the fact that me, anger, frustration is all one clump of self or ego. So if I try to do anything to self, to change, is the wrong approach. This is self judging self, trying to get out of self, which strengthens self!

You know I think I do that! Strange as it is! That is my life.

Okay, so see the fact and remain with the fact that the self-centered movement is one movement. Fear is self, hurt is self etc. You can’t do anything about it. If you do you are creating more conflict. If you are willing to end all conflict, self and its beliefs no longer fuel external psychology and one comes upon a deep movement not the product of the self. That movement brings order and that order is a new beginning.

I have lots to think about! Thank you!!!

You’re welcome.

Coach bri