The Happiness Trap

April 23, 2015

What is it that each human mind is looking for?

Humankind for centuries has gazed up at the stars has sought religion, politics, crystals, tea leaves,yoga, astrology etc…. Why? Since the dawn of time we have been trying to find out if there is something deep and lasting and true. Have we not been looking for something to assure us to equip us, with the feeling that we’re okay we’re safe. Most human beings are occupied was trying to find some type of security or gratification. Unfortunately for most of us pleasure and the avoidance of pain is at the root of our existence. We are all caught in a very miserable condition, the inability to have relationship! Therefore we are constantly caught in the cycle of unhappiness and then seeking a way out of unhappiness to only be caught in another psychological insecurity that lets us down and throws us back into our miserable state of confusion , insecurity and anxiety. Then for most of us dealing with the pain of relationship and in adequacy in ourselves return to drink ,drugs and entertainment. We spend so much time distracting our self by reading everybody else’s book or theory and refused to read our own book which is our behavior in relationship to others and material things. And then for most of us we get caught up in the biggest distraction of all the spiritual. Start creating false realities of supernatural existence because we do not want to face the lack of relationship and purposelessness of our own existence. When we face the pain relationship with other human beings and ourselves as well as our relationship to material things we feel a deep sense of superficiality an insufficient. Driven to the state by own lack of understanding we begin to seek God and or some refuge in some teacher, guru , therapist, or philosophy. We never really face the fact that the seeker and what he is seeking is in fact the problem and is the entity that needs to be understood. In order to move beyond ego-self, ego-self must be fully understood with all its chicanery images and expectations. What we do not realize is that this damaged was done in the early years and all the way through our lives.These were reinforced by the key relationships in our life as well as ourselves because most of us have been raised in an external psychological environment. Very few people are interested in their own transformation Unfortunately most of us are never given the opportunity to confront it until later on in life when we are totally distraught and let down by the people in life who are supposed to protect us and love us. Then when the breakdown happens we again look to them rather then examining our own mind and heart and see that very situation we were afraid of we have created. How disconnected you feel is an expression of how disconnected you are they are one in the same. For most human beings this is a shock because they do not see the damage of external control psychology in their life! Because the very parents and siblings you have were also crippled with external psychology. They to had little chance of surviving and freeing themselves from the misery of external psychology that was created by their parents and added to by themselves. Each one of us is doing life and is caught in the incoherencies of the psychology of external control. Raised in an alcoholic family as I have been and suffered through some sexual abuse those incoherence these go even deeper . When the ones you want love from or are supposed to give you love and care and support plus choose alcohol drugs etc it hurts! But the main thing that distorts your perception of who and what you are and who and what you’re looking for. These people who raised you are at the effect of own distortions caused by their pain of external control. You learn to create a world that rejects you and you constantly set up situations in your life the reinforce your not worth loving. What I hope I am conveying to you is that we have all experienced abuses one way or another but it amounts to the same thing. Everything thought creates within the field of consciousness which makes up your psychological self is the common denominator of everyone’s misery.
The miseries in our life keep coming back to us because of the significance we give to our thinking! The self who and what we is always the seeker of happiness. Happiness cannot be found in any direction self takes because it is a byproduct of loving connection! Love exists only when there is freedom from the thinking process itself. Seeing clearly your relationship to someone and something is based on the thinking process will always be a living hell. Relationship begins when one lets go of the thinking process and the totality of it, because in that process is anger, resentment, judgment,fear,insecurity hatred and violence. That very process is where we live our lives and then we get upset when that’s what we end up with! We are all caught in the matrix of our own confusion created by external psychology, no one can lead you out of this process it is your journey and very few people are interested in all this! Most human beings are chasing pleasure therefore increasing pain! That is also another story that self lives in. True happiness is not based on motive it is the result of a loving connection and the flowering of self-knowledge which is wisdom. Self-knowledge is not an accumulative process it happens in relationship and the ending of external psychology and all the pain it causes.
See you Friday night or Not!


NHL and the changing of coaches why so much turnover?

April 20, 2015

Old-school coaching                                                                                                                                     ( please forgive my dyslexia)

NHL organizations are finding it difficult to find coaches that are able to connect with athletes and get the best out of them. There is lots of evidence pointing to the fact that long-term coaches, build more stable programs and success increases. However today more than any time in our history hockey has become an affluent game. NHL Players for example no longer have to work during the day and play at night! It’s no longer $100 to join the team, now parents are paying approximately 2000 to 20,000 a season depending on your level of play, that 20,000 is a conservative figure on some AAA stacked teams.
When you look at old-school coaching you get a direct and look at external psychology and today’s athletes no longer put up with it!

What is this external psychology? it’s basically humiliating athletes! It’s a sophisticated word for bullying. As a high-performance coach with over 200 professional athletes on my caseload you would not believe the stories I could tell you of how this external coaching impact players lives.

Old-school coaching has basically five premises that are forced upon athletes by the coach. Anytime these premises or conditions are forced on athletes the athlete disconnect from the coach as it kills the meaning and purpose to what they’re doing.
In the old-school coaching practice these basic habits of criticizing, screaming, humiliating, guilty, blaming, punishing, rewarding, just to name a few. An old school coaches believe that they can actually motivate people.

Most professional coaches do not receive any internal psychology training whatsoever, and as Larionov pointed out “the problem is more philosophical and starts way before players get to the NHL. It’s easier to destroy them to create.”

External psychology coaching is all about tearing the athlete down and then putting them back together while supposedly building character and is team building. You only have to read Theo Fleury’s book and see what coaches do that totally destroy the human being inside the player. This notion of external psychology breeds the environment of fear. Today’s players as in most workplaces will not perform in such environments.

Coaches today or having tremendous problems motivating athletes because motivating an athlete is impossible. If you can motivate someone that motivation is coming from the individual at a high cost. I’d love to ask some of these coaches if the wife is still complaining about certain behaviors they do and how many times they’ve talked to them about it but their husband the coach doesn’t change. Every time an player does something for a coach because they were bullied, they learn to dislike the coach a little bit more. This then leads to a broken,non-repairable relationship.

In the world of hockey today there are more external coaches then internal coaches which puts the game of hockey in jeopardy. It’s becoming far too expensive for owners to continually move coaches because players refused to play for that coach! Players underperform and then draft selections begin to look irresponsible.
Every time there is a coaching change the whole team has to go through the stages of storming, norming, and performing which takes time and is expenses because team play is relationship based.

This phenomena today is everywhere, employees no one no longer look for monetary gains to satisfy their needs they want something more from the workplace! Any idiot can buy skill, talent and a persons time but the player has to give you their work ethic, commitment and their creativity. Creating an environment based on internal psychology and the conditions for quality always gets the best out of people. You may not win the Stanley Cup every year but it least it puts you in contention.. Fans want to be entertained by skill, puck possession, creativity finesse, speed,intelligence that’s what sells the product of hockey. Hockey on a professional level is about selling tickets as hockey players are entertainers and compete for the entertainment dollar. If we’re going to compete for that entertainment dollar our product has got to be juicier, leaner, more creative and offer relationship at a higher quality than other sports.

The only way I know how to get athletes to perform at higher levels is to teach them internal psychology and the conditions for quality. This then puts them in a position with the acquired skills where they organically cultivate the relationship needed in order to be successfulThese relationships are internally driven and removing all external psychology Is paramount in building quality teams.

A majority of the coaches in the NHL are not the players that were the icons of skill and finesse and puck possession. To quote Larionov “Most coaches in the NHL weren’t offensive dynamos” From the article does the NHL crush the creativity of players by Greg Wyshynski cites three theories on why these coaches end up behind the bench.
One is nepotism the second temperament basically saying that these coaches are task Masters disciplinarians and screamers. The third theory he states that players like Kurt Mueller and Adam Oates make great assistant coaches and I believe is true. However Kurt Mueller and Adam Oates along with Wayne Gretzky could transfer their knowledge to the game if they learn internal psychology and began to practice it in their organizations. I disagree with Greg Wyshynski if any of our great finesse and creative players learn internal psychology they will become amazing coaches.
As a high-performance organization facilitator I have been coaching organizations teams for over 35 years I have seen remarkable change. People can change and by learning a new psychology which also needs to be taught to the wives and girlfriends of the players. These relationships are overlooked and their impact on the player performance Is paramount. We all know the saying happy wife happy life. The more players practice internal psychology with their wives and wives practice it with their husbands the quality of the hockey environment becomes more need  fulfilling.

Peter Senge in the book the fifth discipline tries to emphasize this by saying asking the question does your organization have a learning disability. The success in any team is based on that team’s ability to evaluate itself and adapt. Internal psychology teaches organizations from GM to coaches to players the map of change. I believe Wayne  was the greatest player ever, if he learned internal psychology he would be able to communicate his knowledge passion and understanding to the game and create dynasty.

Like Larionov said: It’s easier to destroy than create. That’s because you can see the steps to destruction better than the spark of creativity.

Coaching with internal psychology allows coaches and organizations to learn the conditions for quality. Quality is on the mind of most people in everything they do, they recognize it when they see it. If we want to compete with the entertainment dollar quality comes out of creativity.By learning internal psychology you can focus on the spark of creativity and learn how to tap into it! That will always sell a lot more of tickets!

Thank you for sharing your time with us yesterday.

December 9, 2010


I heard you speak yesterday at the St. Georges conference centre in Waterloo. I was with the Golf Course Superintendents group.

I would like to thank you for your presentation. It was excellent. There are a ton of motivational speakers out there most of whom I think are pretty much useless. In my opinion people need real tools to succeed in a fulfilling life. They need the truth, they need support, and they need personal contact. Your message was spot on. There is no doubt in my mind that any substantial change must come from within. I also think that people do not resonate with a messenger that is not authentic regardless of the merits of the message. You are the real deal my man. Thank you for sharing your time with us yesterday.

One of the questions you fielded yesterday showed me how foreign the thinking you propose is for people. One of the audience members asked about your children, and whether they are happy as well as being accomplished. I do not fault the questioner as we are all at different points in our journey, but I believe the question is flawed and the thinking that created it affects us greatly. Here’s my two cents: If we take too much credit or blame for the success or failure of our children or our employees we will likely end up dissatisfied. Either way, be it taking the blame or the credit, exposes us as being arrogant. To think that one person is the arbiter or director of another persons’ life success is short sighted and plain wrong. I have four fantastic children and 30 good people who call me their boss, with all of them I try to do all that I can to expose their greatness and set them up to succeed.

God Bless you Brian. Good luck with all your work.


Grant Murphy

Associate Superintendent

The National Golf Club of Canada

905 851 0461 ext 223

Cell 647 302 0096

134 Clubhouse Rd

Woodbridge, On. L4L 2W2

Building Relationships In Business

October 27, 2008

Over the past twenty-eight years of working with people, mainly managers, I find it amazing that CEOs spend most of their resources on bricks and mortar, hardware and technical skills. They often talk about how people are their greatest resource yet fail to spend any money building the capacity of their employees. They don’t seem to perceive the link between relationships and Quality service or Quality products.

Most CEOs have bought into Boss Management, creating managers who practice the relationship-destroying habit of Boss Management. People today want a work culture founded on integrity, ownership, leadership, and empowerment. They want to be creative and responsible in a whole new way that the present management style (Boss Management) kills.

Relationships that work are highly dependent on openness and honesty in order to build trust. The habits of relationship, listening without reaction, ownership, responsibility, connective solution building, empowered decision making, and the removal of fear and coercion, allow people to get the best out of themselves and coach it out of other team members. When we gain an understanding of how we are motivated from the inside out, it helps us gain an understanding of how to coach ourselves in the important relationships in our lives.

This has a benefit in two directions. It makes my home life most effective and flows over to the work place. So when employers deliver the right kind of training, employees get the feeling they are cared about, and therefore they see their relationship with their employer as need-fulfilling to all the relationships in their life and will often give unparalleled energy to the company. Working on self and learning to get along becomes a process of self-evaluation and learning. This new way of dealing with people allows people to put quality in the forefront of their minds. This is a result of improving the quality relationships by creating effectiveness in person and professional lives. This capacity-building process, which can be taught from the front line to managerial level, and even VPs and CEOs, is the catalyst for greater productivity, ownership, accountability, and cooperation under pressure.

Boss Management works when you lead the market and are uncontested. But with globalization and competitive markets, Boss Management creates crises to meet manager’s ego needs, rendering the company helpless and losing the competitive edge needed. Self-evaluation and adaptation are lost.

Coach bri

Insight Quality Management

October 6, 2008

Insight quality management gets its definition from the work of Dr. W. Edwards Deming, Jiddu Krishnamurti, and William Glasser. Deming, like Glasser, believed that quality can be achieved when people come to the realization that personal power associated with bossing gets in the way of people achieving quality.

One of my personal challenges in working with managers and employees alike is to persuade them to drive out fear and instill trust, confidence, compassion and kindness as tools that lead to quality. However, one of the least talked about things in business today is the process of insight. This is probably the single-most important factor and catalyst for change. In order for insight to flourish, the first factor is a process called questioning (or meditating or self-evaluation and it probably has many other names) but it directly deals with a transformation in the person’s consciousness. All human problems that prevent relationship are within humankind’s consciousness. This is where a change must take place in order to understand how to bring about and identify quality within an organization.

For many thousands of years humankind has been willing to shift technological thinking in order to solve our problems in technological matters. But when it comes to psychological matters and the problems of daily living, human beings, I believe, choose not to solve their problems because they are unwilling to shift theory and choose a new psychology. People who do shift technological theory are looked upon as pioneers in their field. People who shift psychological theory change the world for the better forever. The only way human beings are going to create an environment where work is looked upon as a place for inner transformation and growth is by self-evaluation. This means that whenever a person doesn’t feel good inside himself or herself they stop practicing the four premises of an external psychology. These four premises are: taking things personally, blaming other people, trying to get people to change, and knowing what’s best for others.

In all the interactions within an organization the first premise of internal psychology, reacting by taking information personally, must be totally set aside. Long term planning must replace short term reacting. This means that companies have to embrace insight quality management and develop a new system where leadership through compassion and accountability merge with consistency of purpose and continual improvement.

Managers need to begin to create a warm, safe, and caring environment for their employees. This can be achieved by getting to know your employees, and more importantly, letting them know you. Dr. Glasser recognizes the importance of getting close to the people that you work with and allowing them to get close to you so that the relationship is need fulfilling. Managers must teach employees what quality looks like. They can do this by identifying quality when they see it and make it visible. In this beginning phase managers must set aside all boss management (to use Glasser’s term) habits. These habits include punishing, rewarding, and telling people what to do how to do their work. But most important is allowing employees to evaluate their own work and coming up with ways that they can improve it. This is a huge change in the system of boss management. This is one of the most difficult things to understand because managers must work on the system and not on the employees. This is foreign to most boss managers because they lack in the insight into internal motivation, as described by Glasser.

Boss management has its origins from the dawn of man. When human beings began to give thinking priority, we slipped into an egocentric position and the narcissistic view of leadership. This is basically a philosophy of “do what I say because I say it”. This destroys compassion, accountability, and consistency of purpose because the only purpose that matters is the bosses’. In this situation, constant improvement goes out the window.

In order to bring about this change within an organization, a new philosophy needs to be adapted. This philosophy is based on the work of William Glasser, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Alan Watts and James Allen. All of these people have emphasized the importance of a relationship based on internal psychology but may have called it different things. All of these people created what they did through the process of insight, which is a movement outside the field of time. However, in order to practice these insights, time and patience is needed because it is about learning new behaviors that inevitably create greater effectiveness, success and happiness for the people using them.
One of the most important elements in creating an insight performance workforce is to help people understand that learning and internal psychology create meaning and purpose in their life.
This is no doubt a hard sell. What it means is convincing managers and employers that boss management is in fact getting in the way of producing quality products and services. If the organization is constantly focused on the idea of quality at the lowest possible cost it is almost impossible to capture or maintain its place in the market.

All organizations that are able to produce the highest quality at the lowest possible cost succeed. However, one must come to terms with a definition of quality. Deming and Glasser would agree that quality is anything that is consistent in satisfying one or more of a person’s basic needs. In the same way, organizations have needs and these basic needs are tied to the needs of the people within the organization. Therefore when people’s basic needs are satisfied within the workplace so are the needs of the organization. These basic needs, as defined by William Glasser, are as follows: survival, fun, freedom, power, and belonging. When we are born we have these drives and we need to satisfy them. The satisfaction of the survival need feels good. We also learn to have fun and to be free and that freedom creates some control in our life that allows us to make choices. We also develop our sense of power by gaining control and mastering our surroundings and learning to get what we want. We also learn that being loved feels good from the people that show us care and then, later on, we also learn to love, which also feels good. This is never more apparent than in the workplace: five people that really like each other will do the work of twenty-five people that don’t. This belief leads organizations to stop doing quality inspections and begin to practice producing quality in both products and service, as well as in all processes.

We all know that to work for a manager that is open and honest and has a deep sense of caring about the work they do enhances how we feel about them and the place where we work. It is crucial that an environment that is warm and supportive be cultivated if quality is to be achieved. The next important single factor is that the work is useful and meaningful to the person doing it. This helps create what Deming calls the consistency of purpose. The third most important element is teaching self-evaluation and constant improvement. The fourth requirement is that employees and managers are always asked to do their very best work. People will only give their very best when their needs are satisfied. This is why fear mongering creates distortions and removes the consistency and purposefulness of the organization. Fear mongering and boss management creates a “cover your ass” mentality, which gets in the way of the fifth requirement of quality. This quality focuses on feeling good in the job you’re doing and the way you do it. The purpose of human feeling is to tell us what our life is about and why what we’re doing isn’t very effective or isn’t satisfying our basic needs. This then leads to the sixth requirement: when working towards quality work is never destructive. This is hard for most people to understand because when there is an unsupported environment or someone else is evaluating your work, everything gets in the way because people are not quality minded.

Quality minded people are always focusing in the present and their level of effectiveness, looking towards a future achievement. They never take their eye off the prize and the prize to them therefore represents quality. This is a crucial part of producing quality because the focus goes on quality supplies as a means to achieve consistency. Cheaper suppliers do not offer the same consistency in materials, shipping, and services. In all of these situations, insight performance management seeks to train on the job to again produce people doing a better job, shifting away from just meeting the targets. Targets are another way of allowing fear to come in and, with that, the judgment of other workers. Focusing on processes and seeing them as the cause of error is much more efficient and effective in creating purpose. Deming always refers to treating departments as internal customers, stressing the need to get along. When workers have objectives to be achieved, not numerical targets, greater quality is obtained.

The shift to insight performance management employs the brains of people, not just their skills. In the production of quality, the relationship between the employer and the employee is the most important. It removes barriers that prevent people from getting along. It builds the foundation of self-improvement and education that lead to improvements in any part of the organization. We are all responsible for quality and productivity especially at the top. The way the top views the employees doing the work must become friendlier. Annual reviews are thrown out and replaced by strength and weakness sharing.

All of this is very new to the boss management style and also very frightening to the manager. The manager must stop working on the employees and learn to create new and better processes to help the system work more efficiently. There is little that can be done if we don’t see that the crisis is within our own consciousness. It is here and solving the problems that prevent relationship in our daily lives with the way we work with one another is the source of our unhappiness. In environments where people are unhappy, those unhappy people tended to evaluate other people and create further unhappiness. On the other hand, happy people or effective people almost always evaluate himself or herself when they are faced with a challenge. This is very difficult for boss managing people to understand or buy into. So many organizations let one or two individuals poison the environment for the many. These boss management minded-people are like cancers in the workplace. Very few are willing to give up bossing and start leading.

At Human Potential Plus we build people’s capacity to self-evaluate by training people on how to coach and lead without external control psychology. Many organizations that thrive are thriving because of the people within the organization. If you look at any effective department you will see effective people improving processes. But more importantly, you will see managers who like and enjoy the people they work with.

Coach bri

Driving Assholes Out of the Workplace

May 1, 2008

I see that you have a very different way of dealing with the girls that you coach. I pick my daughter up here, three times a week, and I love to come and watch. You seem to be different than most of the other coaches. You seem to be able to coach more performance out of them. The quality is higher when you are around. I am heavily involved in the business world, and responsible for many managers who report to me daily. I do know what it’s like to manage people, but one thing that seems to stick out is your relationship with the girls. They seem to really like you. I have watched this now for about two weeks. I’ve heard you are Canadian, and that you went home, and I never got a chance to talk with you. Now you are back, and I was wondering if we could have a beer some night and talk. How long are you here for?

I am just heading to China, and I’ll be gone for about a week. I will return to Australia, and then I’m off again for another couple weeks to Korea and Japan. I do have a couple of hours now, if you’d like to talk now.

That would be great. My daughter won’t be ready for a few hours, and I can go for a run later. Can we go across the park and sit on a bench there? It’s a very nice park.

Sure, I will meet you there.

Drive around to the back of the park. It’s quieter there.

When I arrived, the park was absolutely beautiful. There were several gum trees hanging over a pathway. Two trees seem to invite you with their large drooping branches, offering their shade from the hot sun. The magpies were busy, many of them making lots of noise to let you know that you didn’t belong here, that you were the intruder. We sat on this old bench made from wood that I had never seen before. The handsome friend named Jake told me that this bench was of the actual tree that actually occupied this particular spot. It was part of their conservation to use the trees and everything within the park to add to the parks caveats. He then began.

I am under a lot of pressure at work, and I manage many people. I have the task of reporting to three different upper-level managers, and all of them are very different. And at times, I often feel lost and frustrated and feel like quitting my job. I have talked this over with my wife and she feels I can do whatever it is that I feel I must do. She is very supportive, and I am well aware that quitting my job would have a large impact on my family. But the money is great, but most times my headaches are greater. I was wondering watching you, if there is a different way to do things.

Sir, if you can pick up what I’m doing that is different from other coaches, you have a sensitivity that says you are well suited for managing people.

I know I’m good at what I do and I do treat people well in the company. Most of the people I work for like me and they perform well. That is not the pain in the ass.

And what is it sir?

The assholes I work for.

Can you tell me about that?

Reporting to three bosses is hard, one boss is great. He is really smart. He never tells you what to do. He gives me advice when I asked for it. Anyway, he is always interested in me as a person. The second boss is a total lie, so he is always trying to find ways to put me down and point out all my growth areas, and he is such a hard ass.

Sorry, what is a ‘hard ass’ to you sir?

A person who is just negative and has always got to have things done his way. He has the last word, no one questions him and he is beyond learning except, of course, if it’s someone higher than him. Then he is a suck up. The third boss is a massive asshole in a different way. He is a Mr. Know-It-All and is always critical of everyone’s ideas. You can’t nail him down on anything. He was always complaining about a better way to do things. And when you ask him for his feedback he is always afraid of giving it to you. He never wants to put himself out there and take a risk but he expects everyone to take risks around him and then when they don’t go well, you receive his reprimand. He holds onto valuable information, and then things go wrong, even if it could be a quick fix. So he becomes the one that looks like he’s the knight in shining armor because he’s withheld information from people that’s critical to their success. He creates so much dependency. He constantly destroys the economy of people when it comes to product management. He never manages the product, he only manages the people. I believe he cost the company thousands of dollars, but he’s invisible to the CEO, because he constantly sets himself up to be the savior and is always playing head games with everybody. Sorry, I know that I’m venting!

No sir, not at all.

So, that is the life at work and I’m sort for talking about all of this with you, even though I never really met you. You just seem like a good person to talk to.

Sir, may I point out something? The culture in your work is so common. It is put together by an external psychology. This psychology gets in the way of quality all the time, and it is what most of the world practices, except for a few like yourself and the first person you report to.

Yet he’s a great guy and if it wasn’t for him, I would have left my job years ago.

Sir, what this guy is practicing is an internal psychology.

Okay, he’s different from others. What do you mean by internal psychology? Can someone learn this internal psychology?

Well, yes, of course, but very few companies are interested in it because it means that they have to really examine not only why they are doing things but how they are doing things.

But if you don’t do that, you don’t or can’t improve.

Yes sir! Internal psychology is the psychology of we, not I. The first manager you talked about does these things and so tell me if I am correct in my assumptions.

All right, this interesting!

First, he’s a friendly guy. He’s warm, sincere. You always know where you stand with him. You always know what he will do for you and what he won’t do for you and you trust him.

Yeah, that’s for sure, he asked, but he is also built trust in me. He is okay with me making mistakes as long as I own them and come up with a different way of doing things.

Good. Secondly, he never uses fear of threats, punishments or rewards to control.

Never, as a matter of fact. He is the reason I was promoted. He is always encouraging me to apply for new promotions and new parts of the job.

The third thing: He also works on improving the system and never tries to work on the employees by trying to get them to improve. He helps them get the learning pieces from their mistakes.

That’s for sure, you know this guy?

The fourth thing is always asking for best effort, and he’s always asking people to evaluate their own work.

Shit that’s amazing, it’s almost like you know this guy. Last week two employees that work under me came to let me know that they have had a session with that good manager. They decided they were moving in the wrong direction, and what they were doing didn’t have enough quality in it, and then they both stayed late and came in on the weekend and will have the project in on time.

Yes sir. The fifth thing is not only does he give his best effort, but he is always doing things that are constructive for everyone and for the organization. He is always throwing the light on what is the learning piece and focused in constant improvement.

That’s what I see when I watch you coach. Other coaches want performance, and then they lose it on the athletes. You just talked respectfully, asked questions, they respond, and you can see their performance produces higher quality. I heard another coach talking about you the other day, and he said he loves coming to practice and working with you, because the athletes work so much harder and are so much more coachable. I wondered if you did know this guy because you seem to be cut from the same cloth.

No sorry sir, I don’t but this I do know. It takes a very insightful CEO to embrace what it is that I’m doing. It is a business culture renovation, and most people fear change, because it means there is no room for hassles in the organization. When you teach internal psychology to the employees and managers, the assholes eventually get exposed. And they either jump on board by change, or they leave the company. These mean-spirited people hurt and poison and they are highly destructive to accompany in ways that most people can’t even imagine. Just as your first boss affects the company in positive ways, you can even imagine people who like people who work harder for people they like, but this is nothing new.

So, you teach this stuff to companies.

Yes sir, but very few CEOs are interested. It means you have to change in the middle, and then in both directions, up and down. So the whole organization changes in both directions.

Why do you say it starts in the middle? I don’t understand this.

Sir, in every organization, there is a core of people that do a majority of the work. Most of these people exist within the middle of the organization. All roles and positions in a company that is driven by internal psychology have equal value. It is important to change at the very core. The organization must identify the core people in every department, and that doesn’t necessarily mean the managers. Core people are the people that other people get along with and enjoy working for and with. These people have what is most important in any successful organization, and that is character.

Well, how do you define character?

Sir, the word integrity means integrated. Well integrated people are people who are able to give the knowledge and action their proper significance. What I mean by this is that you can have all the brains in the world but if you don’t have compassion, sensitivity, and awareness, you’re basically an ignorant person.

This is a very different way of dealing with people, but I do see what you mean. I would say what I like most about my boss is that there’s no bullshit. The way he talks and the way he speaks is without contradiction. The other two bosses say one thing and do another. There’s a feeling with the first manager that he’s always got your back and is not afraid to get to know what you think, why you think it and where it leads you. The other two really don’t give a damn. It’s all about them.

Yes sir, I know. Learning an internal psychology not only makes you a better employee, it makes you a better person, spouse or parent, and anything that brings integration within the individual develops his character.

This has been a very interesting talk. I want to thank you.

You’re welcome, sir.

Can we meet again when you’re back in Australia?

Yes sir, I’d love it, take care.


The Loss of a Job

February 14, 2008

He was certain that he was right and no matter what, he always had his dignity. No one had as much expertise as he had with his life and he was not going to buy into what I thought about his life.

Sir, can you tell me what it is I think of your life?

I don’t know but I am just telling you that I’m just not a person who is going to swallow what you say because you’re a counselor. My wife reads your blog and then tells me about what you say.

So what is it that you disagree with?

Well, nothing so far. My wife tells me I should see you because I’m depressed after I lost my job. So I just want you to know that I am not depressed.

How are you dealing with losing your job?

Well I feel fine. I just feel a little beat up emotionally. It’s tough to lose a job to amalgamation. I never thought I would be the one that was let go.

And why is that sir?

Well, I was the core of the office and there for 18 years. So when this happened I was pretty shocked and I still can’t believe that it is true.

Well sir, is their anything secure in life, really?

Apparently not! I thought there was but I guess not.

So how long has it been since you lost your job?

About two months now!

How do you spend time your time now?

That’s the funny thing. I feel it’s not real and I just don’t have any motivation to go out and look for a new one. My wife says I’m acting a little strange and I believe her. I guess.

What do you think is strange?

Well I’m a person who always was a go-getter and into whatever it is I do. Now that I lost the job I could give a sweet pickle about anything.

Well sir what do you give a sweet pickle about?

Read the rest of this entry »

The Philosopher and the Lawyer

January 21, 2008

He was an accomplished man. As a lawyer, his mind was trained in the art of argument. He was well respected, kind when he wanted to be but ruthless when he needed to be. He had to deal with a man that was pushing his philosophy and trying to get a new movement going to help people be better spouses, employees and people.

The lawyer had no interest in this and remarked that his people were effective and needed little improvement. With success comes the agreement between people who believe that their success is not bought at a price, that they are special, above us all. He would not for a moment entertain the stupidity of the man he faced. This man was reaching out to something deep in him that the lawyer had lost touch with. But there was no way in hell this philosopher had any chance. The lawyer in him ate the lamb and spat him out.

The philosopher offered a smile and a bit of laughter as he left the room. He laughed at his own foolishness, that people deep down really care about other people. As he began to speak to me he broke into a deep laughter that cut through to the heart and pain of the matter. Tears filled his eyes and the weight of humanity was upon him. It was amazing to see that at any moment the heart of darkness can descend upon anyone. But in the lobby a baby in a stroller was looking about with clean deep blue eyes.

Those tear-filled eyes changed again when they met the child’s, sitting in the stroller. The child smiled a large embracing smile that seemed to melt away the sorrow of the philosopher. It was like the philosopher saw the reason he was doing what he felt in his heart. It was something the lawyer would perhaps never really ever see and had perhaps had killed forever. The philosopher said he felt a deep respect for the lawyer, and said he hoped he came to terms with himself.

He walked away and looked back and waved as if he was leaving a place he had made a mistake in coming to. He taped his feet on the ground as if to cut the dust and dirt off his shoes. With a large smile and happy glance he disappeared behind the building.


Managing People

January 17, 2008

Even though we are more complicated now than we were at the time of the industrial revolution, managing people has undergone little change since that time. Our brains have taken on the challenges of multitasking quite well but we still manage people in the same old external control way, called Boss Management. The sad thing is that most bosses don’t think they are boss managers because they are to busy multitasking. To take the time to do some healthy self evaluation means they have to put themselves under pressure and receive the full shock that what they are doing may not be working because of the way they are managing. Today’s competitive markets are the result of products being produced because people want quality in what products they buy. Boss managers have not woken up to the fact that other people are producing the same products they are. The ones who can do it at the lowest cost and keep their people working for them will stay in the business. The migration of work to China and places like Mexico or Third World countries is the result of businesses running away from their own inability to self evaluate. They are running to a place where Boss Management is still the practice and will be the practice for the next fifty years.

Business guru Edward Demming saw this happening after World War II in America and went to Japan to rebuild the Japanese car industry. He brought to Japan a way for them to be competitive with the great American car industry,  and the story is now history. Since Japanese cars are produced with the highest quality at the lowest cost.   The government attempts to deter consumers from buying them by putting a tax on Japanese imports. So just think of this. To buy a Japanese car in North America you have to pay a tax because we North Americans can’t produce a quality car the way the Japanese can, so they tax the Japanese cars to bring the price above our North American car prices. The fact is people still will pay more for quality. This is something our North America car manufactures don’t understand. The root to this problem is Boss Management and the psychology of external control which it inflicts on it’s workers. Today’s work force are made of people who can multitask. Most of this multitasking is needed and effective but it also must be balanced with self evaluation to be highly effective. Having people who can multitask but can’t relate to other people is problematic.

Boss management mainly is telling people what to do, when to do it and how to do it and then the boss evaluates the employee’s work. This is the source of high employee absenteeism and employee turn over. If a business is going to be successful, they must find ways to discover what quality looks like in what they do. They have to be willing to listen to anyone or anything that directly improves or moves the product or organization towards quality. However, this is very scary for everyone because it means change and new viewing points that boss management is incapable of bringing about. It means that people have to learn that maybe they don’t know it all and are willing to learn some new ways of relating. This is difficult for people because we have to see through our narcissistic psychology and our present untrue understanding of human behavior. This means they are going to discover all the ineffective ways they have constructed their perceptions of themselves and others. I find, when teaching a new way of relating to people through internal psychology, that people enjoy it because what I’m teaching them in the workplace is making them better parents, spouses and people. This means they have more quality in their life, in their relationships and therefore feel better about themselves, producing a higher level of effectiveness in the work place.

Very few people are interested in reaching their potential. This is what scares us the most about life. That is why today psychiatry has become the number one crime against humanity. It fills people with excuses and conditions that prevent them from reaching their potential. But that is another story we will investigate later.

Coach Bri

Employee Growth

September 20, 2007

Many businesses fail to realize that people wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and want to have a good day. No one wakes up and says to themselves, “I hope I fail today!”

This may sound silly by it isn’t. Companies that don’t take the time to prepare people for change always end up changing the people and that is costly. I friend of mine, a banker, told me that it costs about 35,000 dollars to fire and hire one employee.

Most change that happens in companies doesn’t seem to have a lasting impact once the shock value wears off. People will resort to old habits. To prepare people for change means that the companies really understand that people will grow into change if they are part of the change process. That means they take part in the assessment of how what they do impacts change, and how change will impact what they do. Employers who care enough about their employees and do this well will save themselves time and money by the fist full. Employees with autonomy handle change positively, which generates a creative and improved work ethic. When employees are managed with internal psychology coaching, managers live and breathe job security in times of change and collaborate with the employee. This creates a path to innovate and adjust, meeting new threats and promoting opportunity. Internal psychology strengthens the relationships needed to adapt and smart CEO’s know that if we are going to be around for more than a few years, we better be better at growing employees. Ones that don’t grow wither and die or work somewhere else where they can grow. In a high stress world relationships are more important because it is only in them we find our meaning and purpose for doing what we do. Relationships are our refuge.  The more we grow employees, the more the business grows. People who can get along with others under pressure are high performers. Giving people the skill to build satisfying relationships in home and at work creates employees who take fewer sick days, are more on time and pull together in crisis


Coach bri