The absence of love is fear!

June 12, 2015

As a high-performance coach I have the opportunity of working with many professional athletes. One of the most difficult challenges they face, is how the very things they love gets poison. There’s never an adequate definition for what love is. But what we can find out is what love isn’t! When I am speaking of this love I am not speaking about the love of external things. In order for there to be love there must be a two-way relationship if there is not if it’s one-way it’s pleasure. Love is not pleasure! The essence of love is relationship! False Love is basically a one way relationship. You can say I love my house, My car, cookies, ice cream. Whatever you do, love that can’t have a relationship with you will be of the ego self and eventually create conflict and suffering. What gives us the most pleasure will give us the most pain and a one way relationship is based on pleasure. Think of any psychological suffering you have in your life, and you will see what  gives you a tremendous amount of pleasure always leads to pain. The pleasure you get from it is something you become attached to and then in that attachment you FEAR losing it which isn’t love. The psychology of external control is a psychology based in fear because trying to control other people psychologically creates fear. When you try to control another person you are doing so because in your life you feel out of control. Being out of control you focus on things and people outside of you and practice criticism, humiliation, blame, guilt, and many other habits to control people. Human beings throughout history cannot come to terms with the flaw in external psychology. We all know this basic truth but refuse to see that when we are  unhappy it is because of a relationship in our life is in trouble. We make it about everything else because the fear of  seeing that truth create the  psychology that is preoccupied with evaluating others. When you look at how hard it is to change your self and you face that you come to terms with another truth the impossibility of changing others. This loss of power in their life,  often creates the cycle of doubt therefore  having little or no confidence to meet life  challenge. The next thing sphere does to justify its righteousness is to create the sorrow of self-pity. Most people lives in the sorrow of their own self-pity because they do not want to be responsible for changing their own behavior. All throughout history you can easily see that our greatest challenge facing human beings is our inability to get along with each other. Our daily relationships are filled with conflict insecurity and anxiety creating fear because feeling inadequate we choose the psychology of external control. When I’m working with many professional athletes it is amazing how the very tools that got them to the highest level they give up, because they can’t please the coach. Giving up on themselves entering the cycle of doubt they get caught up in their own self-pity and this kills the love of the game. Being  disconnect they often practice external psychology and push people away they need which leads to a character meltdown. This is often when so many athletes sleep around on their partners turned to drugs, alcohol  gambling and then I’m called in to help them put their lives back together. The greatest problems are not the drugs alcohol gambling or affairs the greatest problem is there disconnectedness from the people in their lives they love want and need. This state disconnectedness create the cycle of anger or depression which leads to the state of self-pity which is the source of all fear. In this state of self-pity we have tried hard to change other people and it doesn’t work and then we’re caught in greater self-pity. When you have love and you’re doing anything out of that love you’re full of passion creativity, and enjoy what you’re doing because one gets some sense of meaning and purpose which fuels our confidence. I Skype athlete from around the world professional soccer, cricket , Australian footy, NHL hockey players. The common denominator in all of these people is when they’re in the state of fear they Not only do harm to themselves, and teammates, they also poison the relationships with the people in their life they love and need the most in their personal lives. The source of all happiness which is our mental health, is the ability to bring all our total energy into the moment. In this moment we are connect to what we are doing is our way that we are able to respond adequately to the challenge before us. When you’re in a state of disconnectedness you are continually reacting to information taking it personally and acting out of one’s self pity which creates conflict and strength fear. When there is this connection there’s a deep sense of love and whatever action you do out of this love is a innovative movement. That movement bring it own order in the mind because it is  efficiency and effective action without regret. Love strengthen relationship which is the ending of fear between any single or group of people. In order to end fear, one must understand it.In that very understanding is the movement that ends fear! Helping athletes and organizations integrate this in their life opens the athlete, the team, the organization ,to unlimited possibilities.





The Happiness Trap

April 23, 2015

What is it that each human mind is looking for?

Humankind for centuries has gazed up at the stars has sought religion, politics, crystals, tea leaves,yoga, astrology etc…. Why? Since the dawn of time we have been trying to find out if there is something deep and lasting and true. Have we not been looking for something to assure us to equip us, with the feeling that we’re okay we’re safe. Most human beings are occupied was trying to find some type of security or gratification. Unfortunately for most of us pleasure and the avoidance of pain is at the root of our existence. We are all caught in a very miserable condition, the inability to have relationship! Therefore we are constantly caught in the cycle of unhappiness and then seeking a way out of unhappiness to only be caught in another psychological insecurity that lets us down and throws us back into our miserable state of confusion , insecurity and anxiety. Then for most of us dealing with the pain of relationship and in adequacy in ourselves return to drink ,drugs and entertainment. We spend so much time distracting our self by reading everybody else’s book or theory and refused to read our own book which is our behavior in relationship to others and material things. And then for most of us we get caught up in the biggest distraction of all the spiritual. Start creating false realities of supernatural existence because we do not want to face the lack of relationship and purposelessness of our own existence. When we face the pain relationship with other human beings and ourselves as well as our relationship to material things we feel a deep sense of superficiality an insufficient. Driven to the state by own lack of understanding we begin to seek God and or some refuge in some teacher, guru , therapist, or philosophy. We never really face the fact that the seeker and what he is seeking is in fact the problem and is the entity that needs to be understood. In order to move beyond ego-self, ego-self must be fully understood with all its chicanery images and expectations. What we do not realize is that this damaged was done in the early years and all the way through our lives.These were reinforced by the key relationships in our life as well as ourselves because most of us have been raised in an external psychological environment. Very few people are interested in their own transformation Unfortunately most of us are never given the opportunity to confront it until later on in life when we are totally distraught and let down by the people in life who are supposed to protect us and love us. Then when the breakdown happens we again look to them rather then examining our own mind and heart and see that very situation we were afraid of we have created. How disconnected you feel is an expression of how disconnected you are they are one in the same. For most human beings this is a shock because they do not see the damage of external control psychology in their life! Because the very parents and siblings you have were also crippled with external psychology. They to had little chance of surviving and freeing themselves from the misery of external psychology that was created by their parents and added to by themselves. Each one of us is doing life and is caught in the incoherencies of the psychology of external control. Raised in an alcoholic family as I have been and suffered through some sexual abuse those incoherence these go even deeper . When the ones you want love from or are supposed to give you love and care and support plus choose alcohol drugs etc it hurts! But the main thing that distorts your perception of who and what you are and who and what you’re looking for. These people who raised you are at the effect of own distortions caused by their pain of external control. You learn to create a world that rejects you and you constantly set up situations in your life the reinforce your not worth loving. What I hope I am conveying to you is that we have all experienced abuses one way or another but it amounts to the same thing. Everything thought creates within the field of consciousness which makes up your psychological self is the common denominator of everyone’s misery.
The miseries in our life keep coming back to us because of the significance we give to our thinking! The self who and what we is always the seeker of happiness. Happiness cannot be found in any direction self takes because it is a byproduct of loving connection! Love exists only when there is freedom from the thinking process itself. Seeing clearly your relationship to someone and something is based on the thinking process will always be a living hell. Relationship begins when one lets go of the thinking process and the totality of it, because in that process is anger, resentment, judgment,fear,insecurity hatred and violence. That very process is where we live our lives and then we get upset when that’s what we end up with! We are all caught in the matrix of our own confusion created by external psychology, no one can lead you out of this process it is your journey and very few people are interested in all this! Most human beings are chasing pleasure therefore increasing pain! That is also another story that self lives in. True happiness is not based on motive it is the result of a loving connection and the flowering of self-knowledge which is wisdom. Self-knowledge is not an accumulative process it happens in relationship and the ending of external psychology and all the pain it causes.
See you Friday night or Not!


NHL and the changing of coaches why so much turnover?

April 20, 2015

Old-school coaching                                                                                                                                     ( please forgive my dyslexia)

NHL organizations are finding it difficult to find coaches that are able to connect with athletes and get the best out of them. There is lots of evidence pointing to the fact that long-term coaches, build more stable programs and success increases. However today more than any time in our history hockey has become an affluent game. NHL Players for example no longer have to work during the day and play at night! It’s no longer $100 to join the team, now parents are paying approximately 2000 to 20,000 a season depending on your level of play, that 20,000 is a conservative figure on some AAA stacked teams.
When you look at old-school coaching you get a direct and look at external psychology and today’s athletes no longer put up with it!

What is this external psychology? it’s basically humiliating athletes! It’s a sophisticated word for bullying. As a high-performance coach with over 200 professional athletes on my caseload you would not believe the stories I could tell you of how this external coaching impact players lives.

Old-school coaching has basically five premises that are forced upon athletes by the coach. Anytime these premises or conditions are forced on athletes the athlete disconnect from the coach as it kills the meaning and purpose to what they’re doing.
In the old-school coaching practice these basic habits of criticizing, screaming, humiliating, guilty, blaming, punishing, rewarding, just to name a few. An old school coaches believe that they can actually motivate people.

Most professional coaches do not receive any internal psychology training whatsoever, and as Larionov pointed out “the problem is more philosophical and starts way before players get to the NHL. It’s easier to destroy them to create.”

External psychology coaching is all about tearing the athlete down and then putting them back together while supposedly building character and is team building. You only have to read Theo Fleury’s book and see what coaches do that totally destroy the human being inside the player. This notion of external psychology breeds the environment of fear. Today’s players as in most workplaces will not perform in such environments.

Coaches today or having tremendous problems motivating athletes because motivating an athlete is impossible. If you can motivate someone that motivation is coming from the individual at a high cost. I’d love to ask some of these coaches if the wife is still complaining about certain behaviors they do and how many times they’ve talked to them about it but their husband the coach doesn’t change. Every time an player does something for a coach because they were bullied, they learn to dislike the coach a little bit more. This then leads to a broken,non-repairable relationship.

In the world of hockey today there are more external coaches then internal coaches which puts the game of hockey in jeopardy. It’s becoming far too expensive for owners to continually move coaches because players refused to play for that coach! Players underperform and then draft selections begin to look irresponsible.
Every time there is a coaching change the whole team has to go through the stages of storming, norming, and performing which takes time and is expenses because team play is relationship based.

This phenomena today is everywhere, employees no one no longer look for monetary gains to satisfy their needs they want something more from the workplace! Any idiot can buy skill, talent and a persons time but the player has to give you their work ethic, commitment and their creativity. Creating an environment based on internal psychology and the conditions for quality always gets the best out of people. You may not win the Stanley Cup every year but it least it puts you in contention.. Fans want to be entertained by skill, puck possession, creativity finesse, speed,intelligence that’s what sells the product of hockey. Hockey on a professional level is about selling tickets as hockey players are entertainers and compete for the entertainment dollar. If we’re going to compete for that entertainment dollar our product has got to be juicier, leaner, more creative and offer relationship at a higher quality than other sports.

The only way I know how to get athletes to perform at higher levels is to teach them internal psychology and the conditions for quality. This then puts them in a position with the acquired skills where they organically cultivate the relationship needed in order to be successfulThese relationships are internally driven and removing all external psychology Is paramount in building quality teams.

A majority of the coaches in the NHL are not the players that were the icons of skill and finesse and puck possession. To quote Larionov “Most coaches in the NHL weren’t offensive dynamos” From the article does the NHL crush the creativity of players by Greg Wyshynski cites three theories on why these coaches end up behind the bench.
One is nepotism the second temperament basically saying that these coaches are task Masters disciplinarians and screamers. The third theory he states that players like Kurt Mueller and Adam Oates make great assistant coaches and I believe is true. However Kurt Mueller and Adam Oates along with Wayne Gretzky could transfer their knowledge to the game if they learn internal psychology and began to practice it in their organizations. I disagree with Greg Wyshynski if any of our great finesse and creative players learn internal psychology they will become amazing coaches.
As a high-performance organization facilitator I have been coaching organizations teams for over 35 years I have seen remarkable change. People can change and by learning a new psychology which also needs to be taught to the wives and girlfriends of the players. These relationships are overlooked and their impact on the player performance Is paramount. We all know the saying happy wife happy life. The more players practice internal psychology with their wives and wives practice it with their husbands the quality of the hockey environment becomes more need  fulfilling.

Peter Senge in the book the fifth discipline tries to emphasize this by saying asking the question does your organization have a learning disability. The success in any team is based on that team’s ability to evaluate itself and adapt. Internal psychology teaches organizations from GM to coaches to players the map of change. I believe Wayne  was the greatest player ever, if he learned internal psychology he would be able to communicate his knowledge passion and understanding to the game and create dynasty.

Like Larionov said: It’s easier to destroy than create. That’s because you can see the steps to destruction better than the spark of creativity.

Coaching with internal psychology allows coaches and organizations to learn the conditions for quality. Quality is on the mind of most people in everything they do, they recognize it when they see it. If we want to compete with the entertainment dollar quality comes out of creativity.By learning internal psychology you can focus on the spark of creativity and learn how to tap into it! That will always sell a lot more of tickets!

What is happening to hockey in Canada?

January 20, 2014

What is happening to hockey in Canada? As you know, this has been a question that has been asked for decades. As a high-performance coach, I have worked with business teams, sports teams, executives, individual athletes, dancers, and actors from around the world in multiple sports and business venues. I think I have a fairly good understanding of what happens when we move away from a developmental mode and prioritize winning. The clear distinction between a developmental model and a winning model is that winning is about performance now, short term gains, nearsightedness and performance based with high pressure, and of course short learning time that creates huge gaps in learning.

A good developmental model on the other hand looks at long-term gains, farsightedness, low pressure, and greater learning time so that transitions within skills, knowledge, and execution can be accomplished.


What is wrong in hockey or any sport is always the psychology behind it. Every generation is part of the same old problem because the grass roots of the game are not found in the principles of coaching but founded on principles of “Win at any cost”. This winning at any cost is the result of parents’ self interest and greed. We sacrifice their children’s fun, learning, skills and development because of the money investment in their child, getting a scholarship, making team Canada, and, if you have son, the ultimate: making the NHL.


Having two sons in the NHL, both played junior hockey, both decided to skip university or college and it has been a good choice for them. However, as a high-performance coach it has been an interesting ride doing damage control with both my sons from the external control coaching that is rampant in hockey where winning at any cost becomes the premise for competing.


I have spent the last 35 years of my life as a high-performance coach traveling the world, dealing with coaches, athletes, and administration on how to have a more effective and competitive culture. In all the countries that I’ve worked in, I find that Australia seems to be light-years ahead in the area of sport training and ethics by fully committing to a developmental model for athlete performance.


One of the most respected and decorated coaches in Canada is a track coach Andy Higgins. What makes Andy so successful and what makes the athletes around him so successful is he puts the developmental model of the person ahead of the athlete. I don’t believe Andy practices any external psychology when he works with athletes. It is the psychology of external control that creates the downfall in any sport worldwide. Unfortunately hockey uses the axioms of external control and I’m just one of the people that helps pick up the pieces in an environment that is sometimes torturous to our young men. Every year I deal with 40 to 60 young men who end up in some situational crisis because of the coaching they have seen that is unbelievably detrimental to the athlete as a human being.


I have worked with many players in the NHL, AHL, OHL, AAA, AA, A…all the way down to E levels, helping them recover from the brutal coaches who use external psychology as their modus operandi. If you are a coach or a GM and are reading this article, it might be a good idea if you consider what’s being said because this is the psychology that is poisoning your operation at every level it’s practiced. And what is more difficult to understand is that there is a different psychology of internal control that people can learn but it takes longer to learn it but the benefits and payoffs are enormous and extremely cost-effective.


The consequence of external coaching results in an atmosphere of win at any cost. Therefore in that attitude it makes the parents, coach, athlete focus on outcomes rather than the process of constant improvement. The outcome of winning outweighs the process of developing


Brent Sutter, who has a keen eye from his perch as owner, general manager and coach of the Red Deer Rebels said “There’s too much focus on winning and losing at such a young age.” I agree with Mr. Sutter and I believe this statement to be true. However, that difficulty arises because of the psychology that is practiced in the grass roots of hockey in our schools, work places, homes, and all the way up to the NHL, is external psychology and boss management.  We fail to understand that our brains are conditioned to external psychology and it is part of our evolution that it exists and if human beings are going to take the next leap in our development, we have to change our psychology.


Teams in Europe who are developing their hockey programs will naturally catch up to Canada as all nations catch up to other nations in sports when they pour money into programs. Easily put, it gets harder and harder to win as other teams learn and improve. It is the same as the BlackBerry company, who once lead the market share, others catch up and it gets hard to be successful unless you do something different that your competition isn’t. It is the same as in the free-market: the competition gets better and better until you have to learn to do things differently and produce a better product.


Human society in North America is suffering with affluence. Where there is affluence, there is greed! Look what this greed has done to hockey! Because only the rich can play the sport, we have cut off a huge cross-section of young children who have always been the backbone of Canadian hockey. These kids, who have to grow up with tremendous adversity and triumph over so much, developed character traits that deal with pressure more effectively. So now the question becomes: how do you get the best out of kids that are spoiled and can’t handle adversity? Don’t get me wrong here – I think every child should be spoiled. Most of the kids that I see in my private practice for counseling aren’t spoiled, but they definitely have been raised in external psychology environments.


External control psychology is the psychology that destroys every family, marriage, sports team, and business team – anything to do with human relationship. One of the biggest signs of external psychology are its practices of blame or fault finding.


There are people, teams, and organizations that have taken that leap and very little external psychology is practiced. Organizations that practice external control kill creativity and leadership. My example of this is BlackBerry. I have been a BlackBerry user for years but you can see that they slowly fell behind because they couldn’t keep pace with innovation and creativity and leadership because they probably practice most of the habits of external control when coaching their people within their organization. External psychology is always at the root of every human endeavor that fails; you can’t have people be creative if they are in fear of losing their job, their sense of well-being, or their meaning or purpose for existence.


The TSN analyst Bob McKenzie noted on Sunday, “My theory is that it’s between the ears, Canada is fearful of losing.”


External Psychology is driven by 5 basic conditions that affect everything we do! If any of these conditions dominates your thinking you are an external control maniac, and eventually you will destroy the environment for yourself and others to be a successful team. These five conditions of external control are psychological habits in human behavior that are real weapons of destruction because they maintain our glorified self-interest and give us the feeling that we are right and know what is best for other people.


Condition 1. Human beings are conditioned to believe that you can motivate somebody my external means. This means that we are basically stimulus response machines. And we are not! Just because someone yells at me or mistreats me, I don’t have to mistreat them back. The counter condition of internal psychology is: I am not responsible for how other people treat me. I am only responsible for how I treat others.


Condition 2. External psychology believes that whenever I am upset or unsuccessful it is always someone else’s or something else’s fault. Human beings are blamers and we avoid responsibility for our part. The counter internal psychology condition we need to learn is that whenever something goes wrong or I am unsuccessful, I must look at what I am doing or how I’m thinking and change that and take full responsibility for my part in things. Unhappy ineffective people blame other people. Happy effective people self-evaluate!


Condition 3. External psychology teaches that whenever things go wrong or I am upset, not only is it other people’s fault but I go around wanting other people to change. The counter in internal psychology condition is whenever things go wrong and I’m upset I should change myself.


Condition 4. External psychology teaches that by the time I am a teenager I’m beginning to know what’s best for me. I start to individuate and become my own person and begin to choose my own friends, my own music, the people I want to hang with, and my sense of individuality. That isn’t the problem. The problem of external psychology in the fourth premise happens when I get this major insight that tells me not only do I want to know what’s best for me, I also know what’s best for other people. This is probably the most damaging premise of all because once you know what is best for other people and you shove it down their throat, they learn to dislike you more and more, thus you end up destroying the relationship with them. The internal psychology counter to this premise is learning that you only know what’s best for you and back off trying to think you know what’s best for other people – let them self-determine.


Condition 5. External psychology teaches that you are the house you live in, the car you drive, the amount of money in your bank account, the letters after your name, and your particular religious or political belief system. Internal psychology teaches that all you are is a human being. You have a right to be happy, a right to be here, a right to live the way you want to live but you are by no means more important than anyone else.


How these five conditions are practiced in your organization or on your team is self-evident. Below are the habits of external control where most people live their lives.


The most damaging of the habits is called criticism. Most people believe that there is such thing as constructive criticism. You have only to ask yourself the last time some person gave you some of their constructive criticism and you said, ‘Gee, thank you that was wonderful. Now I feel terrific and highly motivated.’ Criticism is a real fun killer because one of a human’s basic needs is to learn and criticism kills learning because criticism kills fun. Bobby Orr, in an interview with the CBC, commented about minor hockey not allowing kids to have fun. He indicated that coaches today put their own kids first, as their main interest. There’s a high-level of truth to that because of the conditioning of external control psychology.


The counterbalance to criticism is praise and catching people doing things right and giving them feedback after asking them if they want some feedback. Giving people feedback without asking their permission is disrespectful.


The next external control habit that people use in relationship is blaming. Human beings are blamers. We blame every time we are unable to really look and self-evaluate and be part of the solution instead of escaping the problem. Brent Sutter, making the comment that it’s got nothing to do with coaching, is again practicing external psychology. Coaching is definitely a huge part of the game.


The next external control habit is humiliation. People use humiliation to control other people. This is the essence of racism, sexism, and any sense of discrimination. The counterbalance to this habit is learning acceptance, it’s celebrating differences and allowing people to feel comfortable with what they value. In hockey, humiliation is used all over the place. Old-school coaching is about tearing individuals down and then so-called putting them back together. This philosophy is Neanderthal.


The next external control habit it is punishment. If punishment worked on criminals, institutions would be empty. Punishment deters cooperation, insight, and intelligence. You see this in the hockey world were coaches punish for losses using the old bag skate. Most old-school coaches find this militant mentality works because it satisfies their need for power and diminishes everyone else’s need for empowerment. Internal psychology teaches this: let the players determine where they have to improve and where the team has to improve and take full responsibility by generating practices that are fulfilling to the athletes, through discussions. Yes, believe it or not, the kids playing the game know more about the game than the coaches behind the bench. This is a hard reality for coaches the face. The coach’s job is to get the players on the team to buy into the game plan that he believes in, and using his best research of the teams they are playing, show the players he has the way to succeed.


The next external control habit is rewarding. Rewarding people to control them is the essence of how most people parent and coaches use to motivate. Rewards are often used within the business world and what ends up happening is people may like the rewards but dislike the rewarder. People or athletes get the feeling that the coach/manager is always dangling a carrot in front of the person’s face. The internal control habit is helping people identify one’s qualities to manage and creating environments that are need satisfying to build people’s sense of autonomy and skill. Learning or improving your skill set is its own reward.


The next external control habit is guilting. This again is often used as a means to gain control of people by getting them to do what you want them to do regardless of if they want to do it or not. Using guilt as a means to gaining what you want in a relationship will always cripple the relationship. The internal control habit is practicing self-evaluation through open, honest discussion that creates meaning and purposeful relationships and work processes to develop the skills, product, or situation analysis.


The next two external control habits go together – nagging and complaining. These external control habits destroy relationship but people often put up with them because they see the person as venting, which never corrects or changes the situation. People just tend to hide from people who are always venting or nagging. Nagging and complaining are just mental states that reveal a person’s lack of skill in coaching to address the immediate pressure in the situation.



If Canada wants to build a dynasty in hockey or if a team wants to become a dynasty at any level there are certain things that are a must.


  1. Train all people in understanding what external psychology is, how it plays out in the relationships with other people and the organization, and teach them a new psychology of internal control. This must be taught to every person within the organization. The people within the organization must commit to removing all external psychology language that shows up in boss management as a means to how they govern their organization.


  1. The organization must create a caring, safe, supportive environment that has the best interest of the people within the organization in mind. This means that the longevity and security of the people within the organization take the priority. You must rid the environment of fear and coercion. The easiest thing to do when teams are not performing is to fire the coach, or when the team is not performing trade players. This creates within the team the feeling of insecurity, and where there is insecurity and the survival need of people is threatened, you cannot create a dynasty.


  1. Meaningful, purposeful work has to become the forefront of every operation within in the organization. Accountability and improved performance have to being drawn out of the people within the organization in a way that builds relationship, support, and cooperation. The only way this can be achieved is by the people who are doing the managing practice internal psychology and remove all external psychology language and conditions from their daily practices.



  1. That open and honest discussion about quality and what quality looks like becomes the central theme within the organization. Nothing is acceptable but quality, whatever quality can be determined by at that time. This means that CEOs, GMs, coaches, and managers are responsible to create environments with players and employees to discover what quality looks like and how it is best achieved by constant improvement of the systems in place. Quality management is when coaches and managers all work to improve the system, never the employee or an athlete.


  1. Everything done within the organization always feels purposeful and helpful and good for everyone within the organization. There are very few teams that operate on all these five conditions but some teams do come close. In 2013 I did some work with the Detroit Redwings and I believe that the people running the organization understand internal psychology though they haven’t fully seen its necessity but it is behind the success of the organization.


The other difficulty with internal psychology is that it means that change has to happen from the top down. People have to really look and evaluate not only what they’re doing but how they do what they do and that brings about a revolution within the organization. People are terrified of change especially when they have to share power and responsibility with other people. The bottom line is that people don’t give their full effort unless they have power and responsibility in anything they do.


Let’s take a look at Wayne Gretzky, probably the most brilliant hockey mind that ever was. Wayne couldn’t coach because he doesn’t understand internal psychology. He really doesn’t understand how he pulls out of himself what he does and how he did because no one has ever shown him. If Wayne Gretzky understood more internal psychology and brought internal psychology to an organization, he would build a dynasty that would dominate the National Hockey League for decades. I would not say he would win the Stanley Cup every time but what he would do is put his team in a position where they could win the Stanley Cup and that’s what a good organization does, puts their team in contention. Internal control psychology clearly helps people and organization understand the factors within their control and also helps them to perceive the factors that are outside of their control and manage them respectfully. It would take approximately three years to turn an organization around completely and get them headed in the right direction practicing internal psychology. One of the most important facets of internal psychology is the realization that you can buy people time and skill but they have to give you their work ethic, passion, and creativity. Learning internal psychology coaches these three main ingredients out of athletes and employees but fear keeps most owners, GM’s, coaches, and managers in the dark ages.


A Sad Truth

March 11, 2011

see the full size comic at


Thank you for sharing your time with us yesterday.

December 9, 2010


I heard you speak yesterday at the St. Georges conference centre in Waterloo. I was with the Golf Course Superintendents group.

I would like to thank you for your presentation. It was excellent. There are a ton of motivational speakers out there most of whom I think are pretty much useless. In my opinion people need real tools to succeed in a fulfilling life. They need the truth, they need support, and they need personal contact. Your message was spot on. There is no doubt in my mind that any substantial change must come from within. I also think that people do not resonate with a messenger that is not authentic regardless of the merits of the message. You are the real deal my man. Thank you for sharing your time with us yesterday.

One of the questions you fielded yesterday showed me how foreign the thinking you propose is for people. One of the audience members asked about your children, and whether they are happy as well as being accomplished. I do not fault the questioner as we are all at different points in our journey, but I believe the question is flawed and the thinking that created it affects us greatly. Here’s my two cents: If we take too much credit or blame for the success or failure of our children or our employees we will likely end up dissatisfied. Either way, be it taking the blame or the credit, exposes us as being arrogant. To think that one person is the arbiter or director of another persons’ life success is short sighted and plain wrong. I have four fantastic children and 30 good people who call me their boss, with all of them I try to do all that I can to expose their greatness and set them up to succeed.

God Bless you Brian. Good luck with all your work.


Grant Murphy

Associate Superintendent

The National Golf Club of Canada

905 851 0461 ext 223

Cell 647 302 0096

134 Clubhouse Rd

Woodbridge, On. L4L 2W2

Testimonial for Human Potential Plus From The Ontario Seed Company Success Through Self Evaluation

December 9, 2010
Testimonial for Human Potential Plus
From The Ontario Seed Company
Success Through Self Evaluation
I had the opportunity to listen to Brian speak at my son’s hockey banquet and I was overwhelmed by such a powerful and motivating presentation, so much that I asked Brian to be our opening speaker at our 22nd annual customer appreciation seminar that entertains around 300 guests.  I am a sales representative for a  company that distributes supplies to golf course turf managers and usually our topics are turfgrass oriented to update customers on research and new developments in the industry.  I have to admit, I was a little nervous on how our guests would portray Brian’s sixty minute talk on self evaluation, but from the minute he started until the minute we had to literally end his session, Brian had all 300 people engaged and had them stepping back and evaluating themselves from the past and hopefully progressing their relationships for the future.  To be able to hear a pin drop in a room with 300 people says how powerful Brian’s message was.  We seriously had to end Brian’s session to move onto our next speakers, but our guests could have listened to Brian all day.  The comments we heard for the rest of the day from our guests were so positive and thankful for having such a powerful speaker who focused on everyday behaviours and situations.  His talk was received better than any research or technically based talk we have ever presented for our guests and it was based on what is most important in life, which a lot of the time we take for granted.  Whether you are a small or large company, having Brian work with you will change how your company will do business, and most importantly change how they deal with every relationship in their lives which can lead to endless potential.  Our experience with Brian was so positive, he may be our first repeat speaker at our annual customer appreciation day, says a lot about Brian’s theories when our guests were expecting a day full of technical information of our industry.  Thanks again Brian.
Mark Durand
Sales Representative
Ontario Seed Company
I had the opportunity to listen to Brian speak at my son’s hockey banquet and I was overwhelmed by such a powerful and motivating presentation, so much that I asked Brian to be our opening speaker at our 22nd annual customer appreciation seminar that entertains around 300 guests.  I am a sales representative for a  company that distributes supplies to golf course turf managers and usually our topics are turfgrass oriented to update customers on research and new developments in the industry.  I have to admit, I was a little nervous on how our guests would portray Brian’s sixty minute talk on self evaluation, but from the minute he started until the minute we had to literally end his session, Brian had all 300 people engaged and had them stepping back and evaluating themselves from the past and hopefully progressing their relationships for the future.  To be able to hear a pin drop in a room with 300 people says how powerful Brian’s message was.  We seriously had to end Brian’s session to move onto our next speakers, but our guests could have listened to Brian all day.  The comments we heard for the rest of the day from our guests were so positive and thankful for having such a powerful speaker who focused on everyday behaviours and situations.  His talk was received better than any research or technically based talk we have ever presented for our guests and it was based on what is most important in life, which a lot of the time we take for granted.  Whether you are a small or large company, having Brian work with you will change how your company will do business, and most importantly change how they deal with every relationship in their lives which can lead to endless potential.  Our experience with Brian was so positive, he may be our first repeat speaker at our annual customer appreciation day, says a lot about Brian’s theories when our guests were expecting a day full of technical information of our industry.  Thanks again Brian.
Mark Durand
Sales Representative
Ontario Seed Company

Building Relationships In Business

October 27, 2008

Over the past twenty-eight years of working with people, mainly managers, I find it amazing that CEOs spend most of their resources on bricks and mortar, hardware and technical skills. They often talk about how people are their greatest resource yet fail to spend any money building the capacity of their employees. They don’t seem to perceive the link between relationships and Quality service or Quality products.

Most CEOs have bought into Boss Management, creating managers who practice the relationship-destroying habit of Boss Management. People today want a work culture founded on integrity, ownership, leadership, and empowerment. They want to be creative and responsible in a whole new way that the present management style (Boss Management) kills.

Relationships that work are highly dependent on openness and honesty in order to build trust. The habits of relationship, listening without reaction, ownership, responsibility, connective solution building, empowered decision making, and the removal of fear and coercion, allow people to get the best out of themselves and coach it out of other team members. When we gain an understanding of how we are motivated from the inside out, it helps us gain an understanding of how to coach ourselves in the important relationships in our lives.

This has a benefit in two directions. It makes my home life most effective and flows over to the work place. So when employers deliver the right kind of training, employees get the feeling they are cared about, and therefore they see their relationship with their employer as need-fulfilling to all the relationships in their life and will often give unparalleled energy to the company. Working on self and learning to get along becomes a process of self-evaluation and learning. This new way of dealing with people allows people to put quality in the forefront of their minds. This is a result of improving the quality relationships by creating effectiveness in person and professional lives. This capacity-building process, which can be taught from the front line to managerial level, and even VPs and CEOs, is the catalyst for greater productivity, ownership, accountability, and cooperation under pressure.

Boss Management works when you lead the market and are uncontested. But with globalization and competitive markets, Boss Management creates crises to meet manager’s ego needs, rendering the company helpless and losing the competitive edge needed. Self-evaluation and adaptation are lost.

Coach bri

Insight Quality Management

October 6, 2008

Insight quality management gets its definition from the work of Dr. W. Edwards Deming, Jiddu Krishnamurti, and William Glasser. Deming, like Glasser, believed that quality can be achieved when people come to the realization that personal power associated with bossing gets in the way of people achieving quality.

One of my personal challenges in working with managers and employees alike is to persuade them to drive out fear and instill trust, confidence, compassion and kindness as tools that lead to quality. However, one of the least talked about things in business today is the process of insight. This is probably the single-most important factor and catalyst for change. In order for insight to flourish, the first factor is a process called questioning (or meditating or self-evaluation and it probably has many other names) but it directly deals with a transformation in the person’s consciousness. All human problems that prevent relationship are within humankind’s consciousness. This is where a change must take place in order to understand how to bring about and identify quality within an organization.

For many thousands of years humankind has been willing to shift technological thinking in order to solve our problems in technological matters. But when it comes to psychological matters and the problems of daily living, human beings, I believe, choose not to solve their problems because they are unwilling to shift theory and choose a new psychology. People who do shift technological theory are looked upon as pioneers in their field. People who shift psychological theory change the world for the better forever. The only way human beings are going to create an environment where work is looked upon as a place for inner transformation and growth is by self-evaluation. This means that whenever a person doesn’t feel good inside himself or herself they stop practicing the four premises of an external psychology. These four premises are: taking things personally, blaming other people, trying to get people to change, and knowing what’s best for others.

In all the interactions within an organization the first premise of internal psychology, reacting by taking information personally, must be totally set aside. Long term planning must replace short term reacting. This means that companies have to embrace insight quality management and develop a new system where leadership through compassion and accountability merge with consistency of purpose and continual improvement.

Managers need to begin to create a warm, safe, and caring environment for their employees. This can be achieved by getting to know your employees, and more importantly, letting them know you. Dr. Glasser recognizes the importance of getting close to the people that you work with and allowing them to get close to you so that the relationship is need fulfilling. Managers must teach employees what quality looks like. They can do this by identifying quality when they see it and make it visible. In this beginning phase managers must set aside all boss management (to use Glasser’s term) habits. These habits include punishing, rewarding, and telling people what to do how to do their work. But most important is allowing employees to evaluate their own work and coming up with ways that they can improve it. This is a huge change in the system of boss management. This is one of the most difficult things to understand because managers must work on the system and not on the employees. This is foreign to most boss managers because they lack in the insight into internal motivation, as described by Glasser.

Boss management has its origins from the dawn of man. When human beings began to give thinking priority, we slipped into an egocentric position and the narcissistic view of leadership. This is basically a philosophy of “do what I say because I say it”. This destroys compassion, accountability, and consistency of purpose because the only purpose that matters is the bosses’. In this situation, constant improvement goes out the window.

In order to bring about this change within an organization, a new philosophy needs to be adapted. This philosophy is based on the work of William Glasser, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Alan Watts and James Allen. All of these people have emphasized the importance of a relationship based on internal psychology but may have called it different things. All of these people created what they did through the process of insight, which is a movement outside the field of time. However, in order to practice these insights, time and patience is needed because it is about learning new behaviors that inevitably create greater effectiveness, success and happiness for the people using them.
One of the most important elements in creating an insight performance workforce is to help people understand that learning and internal psychology create meaning and purpose in their life.
This is no doubt a hard sell. What it means is convincing managers and employers that boss management is in fact getting in the way of producing quality products and services. If the organization is constantly focused on the idea of quality at the lowest possible cost it is almost impossible to capture or maintain its place in the market.

All organizations that are able to produce the highest quality at the lowest possible cost succeed. However, one must come to terms with a definition of quality. Deming and Glasser would agree that quality is anything that is consistent in satisfying one or more of a person’s basic needs. In the same way, organizations have needs and these basic needs are tied to the needs of the people within the organization. Therefore when people’s basic needs are satisfied within the workplace so are the needs of the organization. These basic needs, as defined by William Glasser, are as follows: survival, fun, freedom, power, and belonging. When we are born we have these drives and we need to satisfy them. The satisfaction of the survival need feels good. We also learn to have fun and to be free and that freedom creates some control in our life that allows us to make choices. We also develop our sense of power by gaining control and mastering our surroundings and learning to get what we want. We also learn that being loved feels good from the people that show us care and then, later on, we also learn to love, which also feels good. This is never more apparent than in the workplace: five people that really like each other will do the work of twenty-five people that don’t. This belief leads organizations to stop doing quality inspections and begin to practice producing quality in both products and service, as well as in all processes.

We all know that to work for a manager that is open and honest and has a deep sense of caring about the work they do enhances how we feel about them and the place where we work. It is crucial that an environment that is warm and supportive be cultivated if quality is to be achieved. The next important single factor is that the work is useful and meaningful to the person doing it. This helps create what Deming calls the consistency of purpose. The third most important element is teaching self-evaluation and constant improvement. The fourth requirement is that employees and managers are always asked to do their very best work. People will only give their very best when their needs are satisfied. This is why fear mongering creates distortions and removes the consistency and purposefulness of the organization. Fear mongering and boss management creates a “cover your ass” mentality, which gets in the way of the fifth requirement of quality. This quality focuses on feeling good in the job you’re doing and the way you do it. The purpose of human feeling is to tell us what our life is about and why what we’re doing isn’t very effective or isn’t satisfying our basic needs. This then leads to the sixth requirement: when working towards quality work is never destructive. This is hard for most people to understand because when there is an unsupported environment or someone else is evaluating your work, everything gets in the way because people are not quality minded.

Quality minded people are always focusing in the present and their level of effectiveness, looking towards a future achievement. They never take their eye off the prize and the prize to them therefore represents quality. This is a crucial part of producing quality because the focus goes on quality supplies as a means to achieve consistency. Cheaper suppliers do not offer the same consistency in materials, shipping, and services. In all of these situations, insight performance management seeks to train on the job to again produce people doing a better job, shifting away from just meeting the targets. Targets are another way of allowing fear to come in and, with that, the judgment of other workers. Focusing on processes and seeing them as the cause of error is much more efficient and effective in creating purpose. Deming always refers to treating departments as internal customers, stressing the need to get along. When workers have objectives to be achieved, not numerical targets, greater quality is obtained.

The shift to insight performance management employs the brains of people, not just their skills. In the production of quality, the relationship between the employer and the employee is the most important. It removes barriers that prevent people from getting along. It builds the foundation of self-improvement and education that lead to improvements in any part of the organization. We are all responsible for quality and productivity especially at the top. The way the top views the employees doing the work must become friendlier. Annual reviews are thrown out and replaced by strength and weakness sharing.

All of this is very new to the boss management style and also very frightening to the manager. The manager must stop working on the employees and learn to create new and better processes to help the system work more efficiently. There is little that can be done if we don’t see that the crisis is within our own consciousness. It is here and solving the problems that prevent relationship in our daily lives with the way we work with one another is the source of our unhappiness. In environments where people are unhappy, those unhappy people tended to evaluate other people and create further unhappiness. On the other hand, happy people or effective people almost always evaluate himself or herself when they are faced with a challenge. This is very difficult for boss managing people to understand or buy into. So many organizations let one or two individuals poison the environment for the many. These boss management minded-people are like cancers in the workplace. Very few are willing to give up bossing and start leading.

At Human Potential Plus we build people’s capacity to self-evaluate by training people on how to coach and lead without external control psychology. Many organizations that thrive are thriving because of the people within the organization. If you look at any effective department you will see effective people improving processes. But more importantly, you will see managers who like and enjoy the people they work with.

Coach bri

Do You Have the Guts to Change?

June 10, 2008

Any person who is really interested in life and the planet must come to a place inside themselves where they stop trying to fix the outside world. They must truly understand change to be at the core of their internal perception of themselves and how they are related to the world. The world outside of us, all the madness that is going on, is caused by our daily life with each other. Here is where the greatest change and challenge to that change begins and ends.

Our schools are filled with teachers who, in order to teach their particular subject, do so from this old conditioned perception of life resulting in practicing external control psychology on their students. This only reinforces the madness created by this bullying psychology that destroys the classroom, making it into a minefield of conflict for both teachers and student who don’t have the skills navigate through this relationship minefield.

In the workplace few people love their job or use it as a way to transform their life. For most, a job is just an income, a place to go to relieve the boredom or gather enough money to get the pleasures we seek to mask our indifference to each other. This again is another minefield caused by the beast of external psychology.

If you have children at some point in your life, you must ask hard questions about what kind of world you are bringing these children into. Will they repeat the same old patterns that I did? I thought my life was different than my parents but when I look closely I see it is not. It is perhaps now more violent, more confused and twisted. Now here I have my own kids and the question remains, how do I raise them? The same old way, force them to fit into the economic world, conform to some neurotic religion or some new age believe system or some arrogant Secret, that puts some people up on the pedestal of a latest man’s latest egoism?

Coach bri