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The absence of love is fear!

June 12, 2015

As a high-performance coach I have the opportunity of working with many professional athletes. One of the most difficult challenges they face, is how the very things they love gets poison. There’s never an adequate definition for what love is. But what we can find out is what love isn’t! When I am speaking of this love I am not speaking about the love of external things. In order for there to be love there must be a two-way relationship if there is not if it’s one-way it’s pleasure. Love is not pleasure! The essence of love is relationship! False Love is basically a one way relationship. You can say I love my house, My car, cookies, ice cream. Whatever you do, love that can’t have a relationship with you will be of the ego self and eventually create conflict and suffering. What gives us the most pleasure will give us the most pain and a one way relationship is based on pleasure. Think of any psychological suffering you have in your life, and you will see what  gives you a tremendous amount of pleasure always leads to pain. The pleasure you get from it is something you become attached to and then in that attachment you FEAR losing it which isn’t love. The psychology of external control is a psychology based in fear because trying to control other people psychologically creates fear. When you try to control another person you are doing so because in your life you feel out of control. Being out of control you focus on things and people outside of you and practice criticism, humiliation, blame, guilt, and many other habits to control people. Human beings throughout history cannot come to terms with the flaw in external psychology. We all know this basic truth but refuse to see that when we are  unhappy it is because of a relationship in our life is in trouble. We make it about everything else because the fear of  seeing that truth create the  psychology that is preoccupied with evaluating others. When you look at how hard it is to change your self and you face that you come to terms with another truth the impossibility of changing others. This loss of power in their life,  often creates the cycle of doubt therefore  having little or no confidence to meet life  challenge. The next thing sphere does to justify its righteousness is to create the sorrow of self-pity. Most people lives in the sorrow of their own self-pity because they do not want to be responsible for changing their own behavior. All throughout history you can easily see that our greatest challenge facing human beings is our inability to get along with each other. Our daily relationships are filled with conflict insecurity and anxiety creating fear because feeling inadequate we choose the psychology of external control. When I’m working with many professional athletes it is amazing how the very tools that got them to the highest level they give up, because they can’t please the coach. Giving up on themselves entering the cycle of doubt they get caught up in their own self-pity and this kills the love of the game. Being  disconnect they often practice external psychology and push people away they need which leads to a character meltdown. This is often when so many athletes sleep around on their partners turned to drugs, alcohol  gambling and then I’m called in to help them put their lives back together. The greatest problems are not the drugs alcohol gambling or affairs the greatest problem is there disconnectedness from the people in their lives they love want and need. This state disconnectedness create the cycle of anger or depression which leads to the state of self-pity which is the source of all fear. In this state of self-pity we have tried hard to change other people and it doesn’t work and then we’re caught in greater self-pity. When you have love and you’re doing anything out of that love you’re full of passion creativity, and enjoy what you’re doing because one gets some sense of meaning and purpose which fuels our confidence. I Skype athlete from around the world professional soccer, cricket , Australian footy, NHL hockey players. The common denominator in all of these people is when they’re in the state of fear they Not only do harm to themselves, and teammates, they also poison the relationships with the people in their life they love and need the most in their personal lives. The source of all happiness which is our mental health, is the ability to bring all our total energy into the moment. In this moment we are connect to what we are doing is our way that we are able to respond adequately to the challenge before us. When you’re in a state of disconnectedness you are continually reacting to information taking it personally and acting out of one’s self pity which creates conflict and strength fear. When there is this connection there’s a deep sense of love and whatever action you do out of this love is a innovative movement. That movement bring it own order in the mind because it is  efficiency and effective action without regret. Love strengthen relationship which is the ending of fear between any single or group of people. In order to end fear, one must understand it.In that very understanding is the movement that ends fear! Helping athletes and organizations integrate this in their life opens the athlete, the team, the organization ,to unlimited possibilities.

 

Coachbri

 

 


The Happiness Trap

April 23, 2015

What is it that each human mind is looking for?

Humankind for centuries has gazed up at the stars has sought religion, politics, crystals, tea leaves,yoga, astrology etc…. Why? Since the dawn of time we have been trying to find out if there is something deep and lasting and true. Have we not been looking for something to assure us to equip us, with the feeling that we’re okay we’re safe. Most human beings are occupied was trying to find some type of security or gratification. Unfortunately for most of us pleasure and the avoidance of pain is at the root of our existence. We are all caught in a very miserable condition, the inability to have relationship! Therefore we are constantly caught in the cycle of unhappiness and then seeking a way out of unhappiness to only be caught in another psychological insecurity that lets us down and throws us back into our miserable state of confusion , insecurity and anxiety. Then for most of us dealing with the pain of relationship and in adequacy in ourselves return to drink ,drugs and entertainment. We spend so much time distracting our self by reading everybody else’s book or theory and refused to read our own book which is our behavior in relationship to others and material things. And then for most of us we get caught up in the biggest distraction of all the spiritual. Start creating false realities of supernatural existence because we do not want to face the lack of relationship and purposelessness of our own existence. When we face the pain relationship with other human beings and ourselves as well as our relationship to material things we feel a deep sense of superficiality an insufficient. Driven to the state by own lack of understanding we begin to seek God and or some refuge in some teacher, guru , therapist, or philosophy. We never really face the fact that the seeker and what he is seeking is in fact the problem and is the entity that needs to be understood. In order to move beyond ego-self, ego-self must be fully understood with all its chicanery images and expectations. What we do not realize is that this damaged was done in the early years and all the way through our lives.These were reinforced by the key relationships in our life as well as ourselves because most of us have been raised in an external psychological environment. Very few people are interested in their own transformation Unfortunately most of us are never given the opportunity to confront it until later on in life when we are totally distraught and let down by the people in life who are supposed to protect us and love us. Then when the breakdown happens we again look to them rather then examining our own mind and heart and see that very situation we were afraid of we have created. How disconnected you feel is an expression of how disconnected you are they are one in the same. For most human beings this is a shock because they do not see the damage of external control psychology in their life! Because the very parents and siblings you have were also crippled with external psychology. They to had little chance of surviving and freeing themselves from the misery of external psychology that was created by their parents and added to by themselves. Each one of us is doing life and is caught in the incoherencies of the psychology of external control. Raised in an alcoholic family as I have been and suffered through some sexual abuse those incoherence these go even deeper . When the ones you want love from or are supposed to give you love and care and support plus choose alcohol drugs etc it hurts! But the main thing that distorts your perception of who and what you are and who and what you’re looking for. These people who raised you are at the effect of own distortions caused by their pain of external control. You learn to create a world that rejects you and you constantly set up situations in your life the reinforce your not worth loving. What I hope I am conveying to you is that we have all experienced abuses one way or another but it amounts to the same thing. Everything thought creates within the field of consciousness which makes up your psychological self is the common denominator of everyone’s misery.
The miseries in our life keep coming back to us because of the significance we give to our thinking! The self who and what we is always the seeker of happiness. Happiness cannot be found in any direction self takes because it is a byproduct of loving connection! Love exists only when there is freedom from the thinking process itself. Seeing clearly your relationship to someone and something is based on the thinking process will always be a living hell. Relationship begins when one lets go of the thinking process and the totality of it, because in that process is anger, resentment, judgment,fear,insecurity hatred and violence. That very process is where we live our lives and then we get upset when that’s what we end up with! We are all caught in the matrix of our own confusion created by external psychology, no one can lead you out of this process it is your journey and very few people are interested in all this! Most human beings are chasing pleasure therefore increasing pain! That is also another story that self lives in. True happiness is not based on motive it is the result of a loving connection and the flowering of self-knowledge which is wisdom. Self-knowledge is not an accumulative process it happens in relationship and the ending of external psychology and all the pain it causes.
See you Friday night or Not!

brian


How Am I to Live My Life?

April 13, 2014

When you ask the question, “How am I to live my life as a human being, when I have the pressure of earning a livelihood, raising children, and having a good marriage?”, it all seems enormous. Most of us are concerned with earning a livelihood but I’m concerned with how to live. We don’t receive any education in this direction, because our education is geared towards fitting in to the economic environment at that particular time. Most of us do the daily grind and party on the weekends because our life has become so purposeless and meaningless and everyone is really terrified to ask the question, “Is there more?” Those who asked this question at a very superficial level are looking for some magical thinking, some extraordinary spiritual experience. If not, they are still looking for some secret or esoteric teachings, and believe that they can manifest the great things to happen in their life. They never seem to understand or ask that question of how they manifest the pain in their life. This is where we are also conditioned not to look, not to find out for ourselves if we can be free from all our psychological suffering and problems.

Most people practice the psychology our forefathers practiced and was handed down thousands of years ago. The psychology of external control unfortunately prevents human beings from reaching their potential.  You see the brain is the instrument that houses our psychology.  That brain is thousands of years old and still responding with primitive instincts and reactions.  When we grew in technology and our brain was able to grasp processes like the Internet, mass media, particle physics, etcetera, we broke into a new consciousness in our brains. Our brains are in crisis because it houses the conditioning of the past. The awakening of the brain is its discovery that thinking and thought and the brain itself are just a material process. Thinking is beginning to see that it is just a limited thing but giving itself all types of qualities it doesn’t have.  Thinking wants to have special powers, and is constantly creating realities to suit its egocentric point of view, the same way old time and new time religion does.

In a human being’s search for meaning and self coming to terms with its own inadequacy and limitations, it has begun to create false realities of having super powers.  The lies of abundance and depravity from the book and movie The Secret is a true indication that people believe they have manifestation powers as an escape from the reality of their ordinary life.  As the ancients created extraordinary realities through religion to fulfill their meaningless and purposeless lives, mainstream media are doing the same by creating fantasies, vampires, witchcraft, mind powers, etcetera.

All this prevents human beings from truly gaining an understanding of what it means to live a spiritual life and flowering as a human being. This flowering begins by seeing things as they are and looking deeply into oneself and one’s daily relationship with people and things in your world. The crisis is in your own consciousness is your own daily relationships and removing all external psychology and living from internal psychology, which is the message behind all religion.  The only thing that can set human beings free is themselves. They must be earnest about breaking all illusion and seeking truth. Truth is a living thing and there is no path to it. Every living thing in nature knows this and lives it. Human beings are the only creature on the planet that invent realities to suit their purpose and exploit, kill, and massacre, in the name of religion. We are so conditioned to be Liberals, Conservatives, NDP, or nationalistic.  We don’t see that a truly spiritual person wouldn’t even participate in those movements.

In our daily lives we are at war with the people and attached to the things we have got, and the fight with that creates our conflict and our brutality. It is one planet, one people, and one purpose, which is to get along help those in need and find a way to live in harmony with mother Earth.

Coach Bri


coachbri I am in a difficult place full of anxiety, I can’t seem to get my mind out of this negative thought process can you help?

January 27, 2014

 

When you see that your mind is fragmented and it is always looking for new angles and new things to think up, your mind will continue to be out-of-control. You yourself must take full responsibility for your own internal life. What is the difference to be preoccupied with one problem of sex or another problem of whether you love Your girlfriend or whether you want to your sport  or thinking you’re a turnup. The whole futility of existence is created by thinking, thought moving in any direction is pointless and self-centered but it is the only thing that thought knows to do. This is the prison in which you are caught. The only way out of the prison is to see that trying to get out of the prison is the problem. To understand that you are the maker of the prison in which you yourself are caught is awareness that awareness is the ending of the prison. Most people believe they are their thinking process they identify who they are with their thoughts. Obviously you are not your thinking process just because you think you are Wayne Gretzky that doesn’t make you Wayne Gretzky. Thinking is always cunning and clever.  If I told you to stop thinking about pink elephants right away the only thing you would be thinking about is pink elephants. Thinking has it’s place only in technological matters and solving technological problems. The fact that thought is always chattering shows us that we have no space inside ourselves to understand ourselves and  in a confused state. Thought has built the prison of it’s own making called the self. That self is the accumulation of experience memory and knowledge stored in the brain that is always active and moving. Whenever one pays full attention to the thinking process without trying to change thinking slows down and will stop. Please do not take my word for it, try it and sees what happens. In the observation of thought, thought stops! To listen profoundly to what thought is doing and at the same time be aware of what is happening outside of you is the beginning of meditation. That meditation is the actuality of being present to what is happening within and without. You cannot practice this because any practice of this is just an action of thought to keep itself active, and the root to all of our problems. The art of awareness is to constantly be attentive to the fact that you are not aware, so that every thought as it arises is seen for what it is it’s origin it’s flowering and conclusion. Only when is the brain quiet so that the mind can act. That mind is not a personal mind, that mine is universal uncontaminated by the thinking process available to everyone. Very few people are interested in all this because they have to give up all of their assumptions and beliefs to discover a single truth. That anything thought creates is disorderly when it is outside the field of technology.


Every generation blames the one before!

January 16, 2013

Internal psychology

If you are to ask yourself what is the difference in a person who is really happy and person who isn’t what would your answer be? How do we know that we are any happier or less happy than the generation before us? What is this thing called happiness? One fact is for sure that when you are happy you don’t sit around try to find reasons why you are! You are simply caught up in that state of being! To understand happiness and how elusive it is I think we have to turn away from it and begin to understand what is human misery. When are we most miserable in our lives? Well I’m a human being and when I’m most miserable or unhappy it’s because I cannot get along with people in my life the way I want to and need to. Those key people are my wife and children close friends. It seems however i am able to stay happier with my friends more so than with my wife and children, for some reason my friends are easier to get along with. Maybe this is because they don’t live with me and have to put up with all my faults. But there’s also something else going on. And I wonder if anyone notices!

 

When you look at a human being there are two movements going on. One is a movement that is brain-based and the other is a movement that is mind based. The source of human misery is linked to conflict in our lives. And I believe that this conflict in our life is directly related to the activity of our brain. When we are unhappy is because there is a conflict going on inside of us and we have harmed or someone else has harmed a relationship that we or they find very valuable. They harm that relationship by choosing to behave in such a way, that disconnects people from each other for all kinds of “reasons”. One of the most ridiculous things we do in our life and it happens everywhere is whenever there’s a crisis or something drastic or even something good happens to a person, we take this mystical approach that “things happen for a reason”. What the hell does that mean? Of course everything happens for reasons, known or unknown but that’s not the point. When we harm a human relationship it is because we are practicing the brain psychology of external control. This external controlled psychology is the downfall, the fallen state, the poison that is the source of our psychological pain. You and I have been so deeply conditioned by external psychology that we are unaware that we practice it, strengthen it, and it cripples us.

 

All the past generations have blamed the previous generation for all the mistakes they have made that are causing the present generation their problems. We do not see that 5000 years ago human beings psychologically suffered from the same problems that people today suffer with. The common denominator between  human beings 5000 year ago and human beings today is the way we suffer psychologically. If you look in your life you have the greatest difficulty getting along with the people in your life the way you want to and need to. When you’re able to do that you’re pretty happy, but when you’re not your life falls apart you lose all sense of meaning and purpose. This is the power of human relationship because we are gregarious creatures we want to hang around other people and celebrate life with them. We can’t seem to do this as a nation nor could we do it as a tribe. They were always tribes fighting other tribes like other  nations fighting other nations.  Each person regardless of which generation had a psyche that was ruled by fear, greed, inadequacy, loneliness, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and so many other emotional states. These emotional states are all the products of thought.  When thought is worried about the future it’s in a state of fear. That fear breeds greed that greed breeds insufficiency or inadequacy that feeds our psychological insecurity and then we become aggressive or depressed. If you become aggressive that leads to greater social problems. If you become depressed that leads to a different set of problems. Depression is the emotional state, where people will engage a depressed person to see if they can help. But the aggressive or violent emotional state disconnects people further, because all people are generally afraid of angry aggressive people. But what’s really important to remember is that all these emotional states are created by the process of thinking which is a movement in the brain. This brain has been conditioned by external control psychology and is thousands of years old. We are actually living with a very old brain that is dominated by thinking.

 

 

 

The other part of a human being is the process called mind! When we are in our right mind we are practicing a different psychology. This psychology is the psychology of relationship, intelligence, compassion, love. The difficulty is is you just can’t get into this psychology or into your right mind through any action of thinking. It takes a very different  approach to create the environment for mind to act. The brain with the use of thinking creates all kinds of illusions about oneself and everything around oneself. It is the master of illusion and the Eastern world calls it the ego mind, but it’s not part of mind. We have been conditioned from childhood to give thinking and that movement of the brain tremendous importance. Giving thinking the importance we do we have created identity with the thinking process and most people think they are their thoughts. But you are not your thoughts you are much deeper than your thoughts. I want to use a metaphor to bring this out. Your brain is nothing more than a bundle of memories, some connected and some not as connected. Imagine an ocean and the content of the ocean is the water and energy passing through the water creates waves. That is what your brain is like! The memory cells are a material process and energy passing through the content of memory cells creates thoughts. Most of us can steer our thoughts in many directions. But if you are unhappy because of a broken relationship or relationships your thoughts are in chaos and you can’t stop yourself from thinking in any direction. This doesn’t mean you have a mental disorder, like the pharmaceutical industry wants you to think! Because when you are happy and getting and giving the love you need from the people you need it from your thinking is not as hard on you.

So the question then becomes is there on an alternative! I believe there is but first we have to understand the state we are in or more important the prison that were in the prison of the brain. The important part of this is to break all allusions about oneself, and understand the process of what external psychology is an dismantlement through that understanding. This I will talk about in the next writing.

 

coachbri


The Heart and Soul of Affairs

July 5, 2012

Affairs happen. They are a part of human behaviour. As painful as they are, they can be a catalyst for a better relationship and a deeper marriage. If we are at all serious about our lives, understanding is a prerequisite for a loving, intimate, and sexually charged marriage.

Most people have affairs because there is too much external psychology going on in the relationship. External psychology is about trying to control the other person by behaving in such a way using criticism, humiliation, guilt, bribes, fear, punishment, or any other of the controlling behaviors to get them under your control. When a person practices these behavior habits they are shooting themselves in the foot and eventually will kill any intimacy within the relationship. Intimacy is the key ingredient in any relationship. It is about being sensitive and respondent too another in a way that seeks understanding and quality for both people or things in relationship to each other.

Women tend to seek intimacy through the process of communication of feelings and emotions from and in a relationship. They then feel they are loved and belong with that person. Men tend to seek sex as a means to having that sense of loving and belonging. This difference between men and women leads to them choosing to be critical with each other, which in turn kills all passion between the couple. The problem then is compounded because a man’s need for sex is part of his survival need and he finds it easy to have sex without any intimacy at all. Men sexually are visual creatures, and that is why when a man has an orgasm, his eyes are open. He is hardwired for this and then within moment after his orgasm he slowly opens his eyes and heart to the being women is. With his eyes closed it is an internal experience – the release for him is seen as pressure removed and he can then relax and get more emotional. Women, on the other hand, orgasm with their eyes closed – a very internal process. Then as it descends her emotions release and come to the surface. Here the man and the women are two very different creatures yet make up one whole.

It is that wholeness through sex or other challenges that real intimacy between people, men and women, breaks out. Notice please that I used the word “breaks out” because you can’t fake intimacy!  Without it one feels a great sense of disconnection between you and your partner and then this leads to the practice of external psychology and the habits that cripple the relationship.

 

Coach bri


We Cannot Face the Way We Are

April 9, 2012

One of our deepest psychological problems is that we cannot face ourselves the way we are. We refuse to see how our consciousness is in such a deep disturbing mess. We all basically know that because we are aware of the contradictions that exist in us. We want to be fit and trim yet we overeat and don’t exercise, or we exercise like a fanatic and eat all the foods that maintain our insulin levels high and therefore we gain weight. We smoke, we drink and we want to stop smoking or stop drinking, or we see ourselves being angry, violent, hurtful, hateful, and we want to be the opposite of what we are.

Our consciousness is in great trouble. We are so deeply disturbed because we see ourselves as individuals and take refuge in being an individual, when really, if you look deeply at it, we’re not individuals at all. The formation of our psychology, mainly external control, has all been imposed from the outside. If you ask yourself who you are, you can examine for yourself — you are who you believe you are and all of your beliefs have been imposed first from the outside and then you modify them inwardly.

You’re sitting in a room right now listening to me talk but you see yourself as the center of the room and everything around you physically is imposed by the distance from you to get in you, as every brain in the room is doing. Every brain in this room suffers from exactly the same psychological problems that every other brain in the room is suffering from and we’re not talking about it, we cover it up. Why do we cover it up? What’s the point in keeping it covered up? Because in so doing you get to hang on to your individuality or, to put it better, the illusion of your individuality.

Can we look a little deeper at this? Are you willing to look or are you already terrified by me because I’m not offering you anything? Part of our external psychology conditioning is that we have to do something to get something and if we don’t get something from what we’re doing then what we’re doing is useless, and how many of us want to be useless? Every person in the room is afraid to be useless. For every person in the room, the prime occupation of your life is finding a sense of psychological security and the past thousand generations of human beings that has been their occupation. If I am born in Russia, America, or Canada, the operation of my brain is exactly the same as it is in any one of these areas in the world. I don’t know if you see this. Most of you are terrified to look anew.

Years ago tribes clubbed themselves to death because of their different beliefs with bones, sticks, stones, and arrows. Today we do exactly the same thing but the tribes are now countries and the interest of the tribe is now the interest of the nation; the tribe who was aggressive and bullied and conquered other tribes is today the nation bullying and conquering other nations to satisfy their self-interests. Yes, their self-interest and that is the poison of each one of us in this room today. We are looking out for our own self-interest and that is why we see ourselves as Canadians, Americans, Russians, Germans, Christians, Hindus, Muslims, or Jews. We have all bought into that sickness and that sickness is the antichrist.

I am not selling religion. I have no religious or political affiliations. Anything that brings about a division between you and another is a poison in your consciousness that feeds your belief system and you then identify who you are with your belief system and because of that belief system your whole psychology comes out of that. And that psychology is the psychology of external control and how that psychology was formed is the same for every brain in this world. Every brain in this room took information in through their senses. If I was born in Russia, United States, or New Zealand, I took information into my senses. That information was my experience and that experience formed my memory, which became my knowledge. From there I then again experience that knowledge as a collection of images created by the process of thinking. And that is what we have bought into – you really believe you are your thinking. You really believe that what thought says about you and about others is true. You have bought into that you are Muslim or Jewish or Christian. You have bought into that you are American, Canadian, or Russian but you are not. We are one people, one planet, and the brotherhood of mankind. All those religions, all those political differences, all of those divisions of nationality, and all of their traditions are the very poison in your consciousness that keeps you as a separate entity and me as a separate entity that leads to war, that leads to the practice of external psychology, that poisons and is destroying this world. Every brain in the room is practicing it. External psychology is the psychology of the ignorant, the psychology of corruption and unless each one of us investigates the external psychology conditioning we have and brings about an end to it, your world, my world, the world will never live in peace. We will never know love; we will never know what it means to be loved.

We think we are individuals because we identify who we are with the things of thinking and every brain in the room does it, so how can we be individuals? It’s like taking a whole bunch of glasses and filling them with different colored water and saying all of these glasses are unique. In all of these glasses the content is unique but the difference is so superficial or simply a different color. Do you know what gives something its color? What it reflects. Things are the color blue or yellow or green because that object absorbs all the other colors except the color and it gives it off. That is why something is its color. So by analogy you will have absorbed a tremendous amount of someone else’s knowledge that you got from the outside and you claim to be you.

The most learned people in the world, with all their PhD’s, being well read, are masters at accumulating knowledge and that knowledge is absolutely useless for a human being to reach his or her potential. If you have all the knowledge in the world and know nothing of love you are nothing more than a learned ignoramus and you will corrupt everything you touch. External psychology is practiced in many ways but you know that your self is the construction of this external psychology. This self, which is you, is full of psychological suffering. In every situation the dominant need of this self is to be secure psychologically and because each person that makes up a tribe or nation is doing it, it identifies with that tribe or nation and because of its identity is willing to see itself as different than another nation and then it’s willing to kill to protect what it is at any cost and divide and conquer. This basically means do things my way or else! And that’s how most of us live.

This self-consciousness has a primary belief that somewhere in it there’s this spiritual element, this higher self, this godly creature, and because it cannot solve one of its psychological problems, it creates the illusion that somewhere in it there is a spiritual being or somewhere outside of it there’s a spiritual being. All the religions have this because self does not want to take responsibility for how distorted and messed up it truly is so it has invented a supreme being and all kinds of illusions so that that self doesn’t have to come to an end. Self is terrified of its own death and that is another commonality in this room: we are terrified of death. So for individuals, how do we use how we individual we are when we suffer from the fear of death? This self, with its external psychology, when it is in a situation with another human being in a so-called relationship and is unhappy, it always says it’s the other person’s fault. It always tries to find fault when it’s unhappy with someone or something outside itself. I’m sure we’re all doing that in this room too, aren’t we?

If you’ve been listening to this conversation that I’m having with you and you are disturbed by anything that I’m saying you’re going to blame me for that disturbance. That’s what we do. We never, when disturbed, go inside and look and see the source of that disturbance is and are passionate about. Only then can we end that conflict between me and you because that means you have to be responsible. The self, as it is when it’s disturbed in relationship with other human beings, then says I’m disturbed or I’m bothered and I’d be less bothered if you would change. So when we feel bothered we’re all about blaming the other person and then we want them to change when we’re the ones that feel hurt or miserable.

It is another human conundrum that what happy people evaluate is other people while happy people self-evaluate. Another part of ourselves that supposedly is individual, but it’s going on in every single one of us, is in human relationship when we enter conflict, often the source of that conflict is the simple fact that self really believes it knows what’s best for other people. You can see this clearly when two people supposedly fall in love, get together, hook up whatever, and in that process they really think they begin to know what’s best for the other person and they inflict this belief on them. We even have a term for it in marriage – we say “the honeymoon’s over”. It’s a simple fact that as we go through our lives – as teenagers we start to want to listen to our own kind of music, wear the clothes we want to wear, hangout with who we want to hang out with. You basically know what’s best but then soon, into our young adulthood, we start knowing what’s best for other people and we impose it on the other and the relationship falls apart, the marriage falls apart, the relationship between the teacher and the students fall apart, just because of that condition.

Then what follows, which is probably the most destructive condition, is the psychology of identity – identifying yourself with the house you own, the money in your bank account, your religion, your girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife, the ring on your finger, the car you drive, or the computer you have, defining who you are with the things of the outside. In the same way, you don’t see you are the faith in religion you have because you’ve been conditioned that way, you got that from the outside and yes, it seems like an internal movement but it’s not an internal movement. It’s a movement from the outside in and because it’s from the outside in and everyone’s doing it, it’s bringing about a tremendous fragmentation within our lives that always ends up in conflict.

There we are, living in a small little corner in our brain, practicing the habits of external control. Whenever this entity we identify with and which forms ourselves doesn’t get its way, the first thing it does is usually criticize other people. Yes, we’re even told that there is such a thing as constructive criticism, a very sophisticated intellectual approach to the problem. When I ask people, “When’s the last time someone was giving you some of their constructive criticism and you said to him that that was really fantastic, thanks a lot, I feel really good about myself now and you really opened up my life for me, I’ve seen the light?” When the self doesn’t get its way and external psychology is practiced it often humiliates to control. Another habit that it does is guilt people. And still another habit of external control psychology is punishing people and believe me, if punishment worked our criminal institutions would be empty! And these institutions are composed of over ninety percent repeat offenders! A lot of very intelligent people have learned the art of rewarding to control people. We could call them bribes perhaps. I’ve seen many intellectual programs use the reward system and what happens is people like the rewards but end up hating the rewarder and eventually the rewards don’t work in the business world and they become out of control and the employees hate going to work because they feel the pressure of this carrot that’s being dangled in front of their face.

Our lives are full of external control psychology in our so-called relationships and you see how much how many people nag a person or complain. These external control habits also destroy the very structure of relationship. When we go little a deeper with this and we look at the present state of the world, we now have a new Nazism and that Nazism is the brainwashing that’s going on in our schools and our families. The source of this is the external control that’s being practiced is psychiatry with the use of psychotropic medication. If I have cancer and I go to England, Ireland, Scotland, America, or India they can do a physiological test and they will see that I have cancer. But if I am unsettled inside myself because inwardly this external psychology is being practiced on me, and in my relationships, and I don’t have any good, loving, caring relationships, so inwardly I can’t focus at school. Therefore I can’t get along with people because I’m too emotionally torn up and I have a mental illness the psychiatrists call ADHD. If I’m so disturbed inside emotionally and beat up from the pressures of external control, and I don’t trust the adults anymore in my life, and I don’t give them authority in my life out of my own intelligence because I know how whacked out they are, then I get labeled with oppositional disorder. When you look up the definition of oppositional disorder, it basically means somebody who doesn’t like to be told what to do. And if I’m sensitive by nature and hurt and wounded and can’t find the love and care that I need in the environments I’m in because of my sensitivity, my brain goes into a creative state where I will invent people and worlds and voices that I talk to because my life is a living hell and these people we call schizophrenics or bipolar, another made-up illness by pharmaceutical companies with psychiatrists that are the next Gestapo.

Being on the psychotropic medications takes away a person’s ability to feel and when you take away a human being’s ability to feel you take away their creativity and therefore you’re taking away their humanity. And now we are creating generations of human beings that have no sense of morals, no sense of psychological pain who are able to inflict pain on others without any sense of remorse. And the reason being is that these pharmaceutical chemicals are getting into our genes and doing a tremendous amount of damage.

You can easily see that you have a creative system when somebody like a friend of yours in a situation in which you are so utterly embarrassed because of what they said to you or did to you that you cannot think of a comeback. You’re like a deer in the headlights of a car and you don’t know which way to move, you’re completely blindsided and when the human brain has felt that type of challenge, eventually, when you’re walking home, or after you sleep on it, what comes to your mind is the perfect retort. That is your creative system, and these drug companies and psychiatrists are taking it away from you and we’re letting them.

External psychology sees itself as the center of the universe and by living in and through that psychology we never reach our potential as human beings because there is a different psychology and the world knows this. The difficulty is that everyone is trying to get to that internal psychology through the already existing external path thinking has created. This external psychology thinking is responsible for this external psychology and thinking thinks it can think its way out of it. That’s why the self is always looking for some type of experience, isn’t it? Some religious experience, some noble experience, some enlightening experience, because self is always after experience because experience is the only thing that self knows. It doesn’t see that the experiencer is in the experience — it doesn’t see that self is anger, self is theater, there’s no me separate from fear – I is fear, I is hurt. But I/self is always trying to bring about a division between what it actually is and what it feels, therefore it thinks it can think its way out of its problem, but it can’t. Thinking is a limited thing, put together in time. Please just think of this for a second. You learn the alphabet through time, you learn the sounds over time, and you learn letters and words over time. Everything that’s put in to you all— the religions are formed by words, which are all products of time past, present, future. It’s all thinking put together by time, itself is a product of time. That’s why self has difficulty with death because death is the unknown and self is the known and if our minds are not free of the known, we can never touch something deeper and richer, which is real intelligence, love, and compassion. Most of us have only bleeps of that in our life and then self moves in and says “I hope for more of those movements” and the very essence of hope is again hope to change self, which is again a product of time because hope is always the future.

I’m getting a signal that we’re almost out of time so I want to be able to wrap up this conversation. There is a movement deeper and richer than the movement of self and time in the brain. That movement cannot come about by practicing any method that thought has put together, be it yoga, meditation of the East or the West, Bach flower remedies, gems, psychoanalysis, all of these things that are systems, are all put together by thought. But what was put together by thought cannot lead you out of thought; it only strengthens thought.

I am not a Christian but I believe there are things in all the great religions, when you separate all the man-made garbage in them, which are pointing to truth. Religions are not a path to truth because there is no path to truth; there can’t be a path to a living thing because it’s always moving. Christ has made the statement that before time was I AM. I believe he was pointing to a movement outside the field of time, a completely different consciousness that is free of all experience. We cannot think ourselves to this consciousness but what we can do is end this self-consciousness, this external psychology that is crippling us and harms every relationship we practice it in. This may be of use to you or it may not be, I apologize for my ignorance!
Thank you.

Please, if you don’t mind, don’t clap. I haven’t come here to talk with you to entertain you. This is a serious matter and a deeply profound matter, something to wake up to the tragedy and ignorance of our lives. Very few people are interested and you’ll quickly make this into some entertainment because at any moment the wolf that is the to self will devour the lamb.

 

 

Coach Bri

 


“Di do”

March 7, 2012

She arrived early and walked quickly to the cabin. It was late afternoon and the sun was warm and hot on my face as it had been a mild winter and February felt more like April.  She fell into my arms as she arrived for her counseling. She started to cry.

Thanks for seeing me. I need to talk with you as no one else fuckin’ listens to me. I am lost and I want to know why people are so mean.

Can you tell me what happened that you feel this way?

The last time I was here we talked a lot about how we are conditioned to make problems for ourselves. I guess I thought when I left I didn’t see what you were saying until yesterday.

Okay. What happened?

My mother, as you know, is always shit-faced when I come home and I’m scared of her boyfriend as he’s always yelling at me for everything my mom does or doesn’t do so I have to be careful.  Yesterday I needed my mom to sign my report card.  When I gave it her she freaked out and starting yelling at me because I was late sixteen times this semester. Because of fucking her!! Can you believe this bullshit, I’m a fucking B+ student and she sees sixteen lates because I have to get her cleaned up or into bed before I leave to go to school!!

At this point the girl was barely able to talk. With deep sighs and weary sobs she lifted her hands to her face and tried once again to dry her tears and become tough. With fanatic sweeps of her hands across her eyes, she slowly pulled her self together and from somewhere this tough sad teenager hid her pain from the world.

With tears streaming down my face I said:

You know you don’t have to do that here!

In a tough voice older voice she replied:

Do what?

Get tough on me and hide the pain!

It’s what I have to do to get through this fucking shit hole bitch of a life I have.

Well, there are other ways!

Not in my life! I just want out of it all!

How out?

My house, my school, my boyfriend!

You’re not thinking of hurting yourself in any way?

No I can’t afford to.  I have a plan Bri – I told you that before!

Yes, I know but I have to ask.

Why?

Well I think you’re worth it! Gems like you don’t come along very often!

Some gem I am!

Hey don’t buy into their shit – it’s not yours!

Well it sure feels like it is. I don’t know how I’m going to get this year go to college and all that!

What’s all that?

My mom. Who will look after her when I’m gone?

I don’t know but if you don’t go, what do you think is going to happen to you?

I will end up dead or fucking joining her I guess. They say misery loves company!

Okay you’re right! But how do you feel being in her misery?

What do you mean!

You’re the child here. You never asked for this. It came to you and you didn’t have any choices about your mother drinking or the boyfriend she chose.

Yeah so what? Sucks to be me! Tough fucking luck!

Hey, I don’t mind you feeling sorry for yourself! I am amazed that you even go to school never mind the B plus average! I told you – you’re a gem!!

Sure don’t feel like one!

If you don’t go to university will you ever find out?

I guess not!

I know your life is the shits! You’re not responsible for your mother or her latest live-in.  You’re responsible beyond your years and there is some good in all this!

Like what?

Well, you can be married and raise children and be there for them!

Yes I can but I’ll never find the right guy for me! They’re all a bunch of dumb shits with their dick alcoholics.

Wow! You feel that!

Yes and that’s one of the reasons why I’m here. When all this shit happened I went to talk to my boyfriend and he got pissed because he wanted to get laid and I wasn’t in the mood because I so upset. So he decided to get shit-faced and here I am again dealing with another alco-fuckin-holic.

I see. Wow. Tough week!

Now you tell me – how am I going to deal with all this shit? Guys want – everybody wants – to fuckin’ party and they all think their lives are great. They talk about all the stupid ass things they do and who is the biggest asshole that night and all have a great fuckin’ laugh. Now where am I going to meet or even find a guy that doesn’t drink, demand sex, or not be stoned? They don’t exist! They never have and never will because of peer pressure. If you don’t they fuck you up by cutting you out, you’re a nothing.

Well you may be right! But I knew a few in my day and I know a few now and yes they stay the same – they are not included. I was one and I wasn’t and it was hard but it was worth it! Very worth it.

Yeah, why?

I’m sitting here and you’re a gem! And I love what I do because there are people like you in it.

So you get off on helping me?

Look, as I said, I’m amazed you even go to school and I mean that! You are one tough girl! What you do day in and day out most people couldn’t. So my bets are with you. So a guy is going to see you for what you are and you’re going to succeed in anything you do if you can just keep yourself safe and keep your nose to the grindstone. You said to me when you came in here today that you see how everything is made into a problem. Can you tell me how you see that?

My report card –my mom looked for the negative and flipped out!

Why do you think she did that?

She’s just a mess!

Don’t excuse her! What do you think she chose that late record?

Because maybe she knows it’s her fault I’m late!

Okay. So?

So she did some self-evaluation and she didn’t like it and she took it out on me!

Great! So what does that mean?

She created her own problem and it really has nothing to do with me!

Yes and even though that hurts, and it does, who decides what is best for your mother?

She does!

Who decides what is best for you!

I do!

Can you change mom?

No!

Who can you change?

Me!

So who made your mom’s problem her problem?

Me! Me!

And when you do what happens to you?

I get caught and pulled in to all their shit!

Yes and if you let anyone determine your future but you, what do you think is going to be the outcome of your life?

I will be hurt!

How will that feel?

Shit awful!

Yes! So what do you need to do?

Come here see you!

That’s fine but I meant something else!

I know – stay my course until I change the course.

Do you want to change it?

No I can’t leave. I’d feel too guilty!

Okay. So?

Stay focused in what I want and do the things I must to get me what I want.

And?

See you when I need support!

Okay you got it!

Thanks.

Hey one more thing?

Yeah what?

You’re a gem! The best!

You’re nuts but I love you. Thanks.

“Di do”

Bye

 

 

 

 

Coach Bri


Why All the Trouble?

February 18, 2012

He was old beyond his years, and his eyes rarely looked into mine. When they did he seemed somewhat repulsed by something in me, or what he thought in himself.

I don’t really know why I come here. I seem to last a bit after I have opened up to you and what you speak from seems to bring some inspiration or strength or maybe, as you say, insight. I want you to know that when I talk about you I always put you down. I talk bad about you and I dare not let anyone know that I see you, as I would be ashamed. Half of my thoughts are your thoughts except that I don’t live into them as you do. I really am only interested in my self, my own sense of peace. I want others to see me as a great man when I am only a tiny fish in an ocean of men that is unnoticed. My image of my self is all-important. Why don’t you stop me!! I hate the way you listen. It seems like the more I speak, the more foolish I am. Can you please say something about all this!

What do you want me to say?

I don’t know. Your listening cut into me and I feel as if you are the one making a fool of me!

Sir I am sorry but you are doing that all on your own! We are all fools sir, each one of us, but we think we are a little less foolish than some other guy!

How are you foolish then?

I have a conditioned mind looking for security. Because of that deep unconscious drive to be secure I have attached my self to my self. My images, my ideas, my knowledge, my dreams, my wife, my children, and the process goes on and on. Me me me!

Well I am that too.

Yes sir we all are that – being secure inwardly is more important than anything else. So our ego, which is our self, refuses to see that every part of it, from thought to thought, little or big, is caught in a state of complete disorder. This program called self is like a software program full of viruses. It is a program that has created itself and the viruses and it is always trying to write a program that will run and be perfectly secure.

Yes I see that!

Not being able to see that the program, self is corrupted, and it tries to bring order into itself by writing another program to fix itself. It has done this all through history.

How so?

Religion is one of these programs, yoga another, mindfulness practice, tarot cards, Zenga, Zen, crystals, dance, so called meditation, and so many other things.

I have never thought of it that way! So why do we do this?

Because in them we are looking for security!

What is wrong with that?

Nothing, but it can’t work.

Why not? Who are you to say?

Sir, how long has humankind had all these systems put together by the program called self?

Thousands of years I guess.

Yes, so what good are they?

We are slowly getting better!

Do you go to these religions sir?

Yes!

Are you getting better as you age and use these things?

Well no, I guess I don’t. I sure have tried a lot of them.

No sir sorry! What you mean to say is the program called your self, which is in pain suffering, anxiety, addicted to something, has tried to find the way out of all this madness. And what madness – attached to your wife, the pain of that, you bully he or she bullies you, conflict living up to each other’s images, the fight, the desire for sex, moodiness if you don’t get it. All of that, right sir?

Yeah, I get your point! But how do I stop it?

Sir, again, who is asking this question?

My self! I really want out!

Yes sir, you see you can’t. There is no way that the self that creates the problem can find a way out of the problem because it is the problem. Finding a way out of this misery to self is security and that is what all the religions and meditation groups are trying to do. They find a system or a method to get out of ego self. But every system and method is created by the ego self who is trying to be secure.

So what the hell am I supposed to do then?! I have insulted you, yelled at you, talked bad about you, no, hated you most of the time, and I really don’t want any one of my clients to come and see you yet I want to be like you. Why?

That is for you to answer sir, not me!

But the fact that I can tell you this and you don’t throw me out infuriates me.

Yes sir I know!

Why do you take my abuse?

I don’t sir; you are just speaking from your conditioned program, trying hard to get my program to respond to you. But your program is my program— we are not separate. The program likes to think it is an individual because it thinks there is some safety in that.

So we are not individuals then?!

We have different names, passports, cultures, but it is all one program, that thought has put together, just different ideas or thoughts but they’re all the creation of thinking.

So what do I do sir?! Tell me please! I see what you say and I feel I am in hell. I have addiction problems that I keep covered up! I fight with my wife, we have a happy marriage according to other people, but we treat each other badly and there is no deep connection, just occasional moments where we stop warring but we really don’t care about each other. I matter more to me that she will ever.

Yes sir we have no love, just empty words. Then something awakens us to the mess we are in inwardly. And that inward mess is why society is in such a mess! We then, out of our confusion, follow the same pattern as in technical thought and seek outside of our self for an authority.

God, right?

Yes sir God, the Holy Spirit, enlightenment, nirvana, self help books, etc

That is what we do!

Yes sir and now if you see all this and listen deeply to it, what happens?

I don’t know!

Yes sir you don’t and “I don’t know” means by removing all the falsity of thought, you are educating your mind to a different movement.

Well I want to experience that movement!

Sir you can only experience something that is part of thought. This other can’t be experienced and therefore can’t be corrupted. It is a movement not of time but free from time. All thought is the product of time!

This is so much for me!

Yes sir, that is why few people are interested in all of this. They would rather drink, drug, drink coffee, smoke etc.

When you bring in time, time is all I know.

It is all self knows and is! Therefore it is limited, caught in the web of time!

Thank you I must come again yet I know I will resent you later!

Find out sir it may be that the conditioning is so strong you hate yourself to keep the program going.

But I hate you!

Sir I don’t exist nor do you, it is only the program trying to hang on to itself. Just see it sir! Just see it.

 

Coach Bri


The Questioning Series: Why Is Living So Difficult?

November 30, 2011

The fact is that most of us are not concerned about how we live. We are most involved in how to earn a living.  These are two different conditions, one of which is a pure brain activity. And the other is a brain activity with a far deeper, more sensitive and insightful existence. Part of this is the true activity of the mind which is universal, a deeper process that is connection with out effort. Because we are so concerned with making a living, we are cut off from the other because one cannot have one foot in peace and the other in war.

The animal kingdom is not at war amongst itself or its own species. We are the only creature on the planet doing that. The animals don’t strive to reach their potential – they live into it. They are all they can be! Humankind, on the other hand, live mostly in envy and therefore they are constantly consuming things to cover up their inner inadequacy. That is why death is viewed upon as the great inadequacy and feared more than anything else. Nothing in nature dies without beauty and grace – just human beings.

Filling our hearts with the things of the mind to cover up our impoverished state, we have lost the feeling for what it means to live. Living is a moment of joy and bliss. When in my daily activity I can be what I am fully, with a mind that is raptured in a state of attention, not in judgment or like and dislike. That attention has the quality of love. When one loves life one isn’t trying to be anything or become anything. What matters is living itself, freedom to explore life and be blown away by its beauty and ugliness.  When the brain and the mind are free from the false security of what thought has built, then living flowers because one is not concerned for oneself but the concern for the one and the many.

Death comes to all of us, as did living. What we learn here effects the next generation by either decreasing or increasing their burden, as the previous generations have imposed their burden on you. Living is short, death is eternal but most die having never lived. We are creative beings and that creativity is life itself, longing for itself and the source of all happiness. To make a living and forget how to live is like being creative with primitive tools that have no value to meet the present challenge. Living is meditation when one is in tune with an order not made by thought or knowledge. Living is a movement that embraces death with open arms, how difficult it is to live.

 

Coach bri