Parenting is One of Life’s Blessings

Parenting is one of the greatest things we do as human beings. Parents truly have a chance to really make an impact in this world. However, parenting is such a difficult task that very few people want to do it or can afford to do it because they have to work to earn a livelihood. There is nothing more need- fulfilling, that I can think up, then when you have a successful relationship with one of your children.

In my life I am blessed with four amazing kids, however, I trusted my wife on how to raise those kids because of the background that I came out of. There was a lot of external psychology practiced by my parents on us five children in the form of corporal punishment or violence. Every time you use corporal punishment as a means to discipline, you are instilling the fear factor into your children. Any relationship that is based on fear is basically corrupt, disconnected, and ends up disrespectful. When the person you fear is around, you kind of walk on egg shells. You are very careful as to what you say or express.

Power-tripping people, like authority figures who use their power as a means to control others, use the psychology of external control in most of all of their life with the people in their life. The difficulty is when you parent this way, by the time your teenagers start becoming teenagers, they often rebel so strongly to gain control they put themselves at risk. Being a family counsellor for over 30 years often you see the same scenarios of parents who partied really hard when they were young and had very poor relationships with their parents. Now they come for counselling because their children are out of control and are partying, breaking rules and asserting their independence and the parents often want to kick them out. The situation often goes like this:

I ask them this question: “When you were young what was your relationship like with your parents?”

Response: “Well it was terrible. I didn’t like them at all!”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Response: “They were always so controlling and on my case!”

Me: “How would you describe the relationship you have with your child?”

Response: “Well it isn’t very good!”

Me: “What isn’t very good about it?”

Response: “Well they don’t listen to me, they don’t follow any rules and they’re partying too much!”

Me: “So what do you do when they break the rules and don’t follow your direction?” Response: “Well we end up in a huge fight and they usually go do what they want or storm out of the house!”

Me: “When you were a teenager, how did you deal with your parents criticism and telling you they knew what was best for you?”

Response: “Well I think I do know what’s best for my children because I’ve been through all this I know what it’s like to party get in trouble with the law because I’ve done it I know!!!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I didn’t ask you that question, my question was how did you deal with your parents criticizing you and telling you they new what’s best for you?”

Response: “Well I told mine to fuck off and I left home at 17!”

Me: “What’s your relationship with your parents now.”

Response: “We don’t have a relationship!”

Me: “So is what you are doing helping you to get closer to your kids and have a better relationship or is it pushing you guys farther apart?”

Response: “Well I guess farther apart!”

Me: “What do you mean by you guess?”

Response: “Okay, farther apart.”

Me: “Are you interested in changing that?”

Response: “That’s why we’re here!”

This is where I stop the counselling process that I use. The point is, so many parents go to counsellors in order to get their children externally controlled. They often believe that the counsellor has some kind of magic that will force the children to behave in a way that the parent wants them to behave. What the parent doesn’t see is that most of your behaviour is caused by impaired relationships in a person’s life where they can’t satisfy their psychological needs and are in some type of pain. As parents it’s our job to stay connected to our child all the way through their life so they want us in it. I counsel a lot of seniors in old-age homes that are so miserable because their family has nothing to do with them because of the external control psychology they practiced with them as children.

There is hope however, and that hope is that we can learn a new psychology of internal control. I have given my life to this and I see how powerful it is when people practice internal psychology and the relationships in their life improve. External control psychology is the psychology that runs most of our schools, most of our businesses, most of the coach-athlete relationships, and unfortunately most of our marriages. This damaging psychology is the source of all the mental illness in our society. Once you teach people who suffer from mental illness a new psychology they are able to satisfy their needs more effectively and they give up their mental illness. To most people this is an absolute shock because the medical world is trying to establish a scientific basis for behaviour by creating the myth of chemical imbalance in the brain. Fortunately, there is a tremendous movement within the American and Canadian counselling association, a body of psychiatrists, psychologists, and counsellors that are now speaking out against the pharmaceutical industry.  Finally, we are exposing the myth of chemical in balance and mental illness, and the pseudoscience of behaviour that psychiatry and pharmaceutical companies have produced for the sake of profit. You only have to go to YouTube and look up psychiatry the hoax or psychiatry and pharmaceutical companies and you can see a host of information exposing this scam.

Parenting is one of the greatest opportunities we have in our life. We develop and nurture our children’s character when we practice internal psychology.  This internal psychology empowers people with choice while also empowering them to learn and embrace failure as a means to success. External psychology empowers towards self-destruction because it is used on children to dominate and humiliate which destroys their character.  People who have no character live a life of fear and anxiety because they have not developed the internal strengths or internal processes to learn from mistakes. How sad is that that our children can’t make their own mistakes learn and grow.



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